


Astra Inclinant...

by standoutinacrowd



Series: Stepsister AU [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Adult Life, Angst in the form of Heartbreak, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hollstein - Freeform, Maybe/Probably/Unfortunately Smut Somewhere, University, stepsisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-07-25 23:05:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 56,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7550716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/standoutinacrowd/pseuds/standoutinacrowd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Astra Inclinant, Sed Non Obligant - <em>the stars lead us, but they don't bind us</em></p><p>Part two of the Stepsister AU. If you haven't read <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/6647971/chapters/15207325/">VVV</a>, don't fret, 'cause it isn't a must.<br/>Though it can be helpful, if you do, because there may be some references in this.<br/>I picked a Latin title again, because I can. And because I suck at titles. For real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Every New Beginning Comes From...

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a bit lose on consistency in regards to the storyline.  
> It is more like a bunch of moments I find worth telling in their journey through 1st year of uni.  
> You can hit me up on [tumblr](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/) or leave a comment here and tell me, if you want me to write a special scenario.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High School comes to an end.  
> Where does it leave Hollstein?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in summer after their senior year now.  
> In the timeline we moved 1,5 years from the epilogue for VVV.  
> 

“Promise that you’ll at least wait until like week five or something, before dating someone else?”, the blonde asked of the other girl, who just snorted out a laugh.  
  
“Creampuff, how do you think I will ever get over you?”  
  
“You’re right…”, Laura looked down at herself, “I mean, have you seen me? You’ll never find someone as hot as me that’s gonna love you.”  
  
  
_Or someone, who’ll love me like you do._  
  
  
Carmilla did look at her, she looked right through her. Right through the sentence, and what it meant. Both had tried to joke about this exact situation, shoving this inevitable moment further away from their conscious, but this was it.  
  
Carmilla Karnstein was moving to the other side of the country to go to university and Laura actually got a soccer scholarship at a school near their hometown. They had gone through the talk a hundred times, trying out fifty different options, before deciding that for them to grow, respectively, they apparently needed to be away from each other. Because Carmilla wanted to pursue Philosophy and Sociology in a university in Arizona and Laura was going to attend a university in the state of New York.  
  
  
“We’re doing the right thing, right?”, Laura needed assurance.  
  
“Long distance wouldn’t work. I only will be home for the holidays. It is the right thing.”, at least that’s what Carmilla told herself.  
  
“Why doesn’t it feel that way then?”  
  
Yeah why?

Because it was absolutely ridiculous that you love someone and then you get separated from them, because of external circumstances.   
  
  
  
“Carmilla, we have to go now, so you won’t miss your flight!”, her mother called from outside of the house, where she probably finally was successful in shoving the last of the bags into the car.  
  
  
  
“So that’s me!”, the dark haired girl huffed out, before leaning in to hug Laura, who breathed her in for the last time in a (probably) very long time.  
  
“Be safe, Carm. And write me every moment you’re free. I want to be up to date with your life.”  
  
“You too! I wanna know about all the hot chicks you play soccer with.”, Carmilla said, as she leaned back, her hands were still resting on the blonde’s shoulders.  
  
“Pff, I like my girls a little weak and unathletic, so I can be the stronger one. I’m short. I have complexes.”, the blonde poked Carmilla’s stomach.  
  
The brunette’s eyes widened, “Now I know why you dated me!”  
  
“I admit it.”, Laura shrugged, “It was because I always felt better than you, when I was with you.”  
  
“It probably is true...”, Carmilla smiled and the other girl wanted to interject, but someone was faster, “What about phone calls? Can I call you?”  
  
“Text, call, anything.”, the crack in Laura’s voice made it evident that she was about to cry again. Damn, that reminded her of the situation again.  
  
  
Carmilla chuckled, trying to take away some tension from the moment, “Someone’s apparently gonna miss me.”  
  
She was trying so hard to hold it together. For the both of them actually, but Laura’s dam broke first.  
  
The blonde shoved the other girl a little, while also wiping away her tears, “You’re seriously making fun of me right now?”  
  
  
_There._  
  
  
Laura immediately put on a beautiful smile that was to die for.  
  
Carmilla shook her head, swallowing down the lump in her throat, “Sorry.”, she reached out her hands and got ahold of that precious face, “I love you. Don’t forget that, yeah?”  
  
Laura barked out a laugh, again struggling with those damn tears, “You can’t say _that_ to me, while we’re saying good bye.”  
  
“ **I love you.** ”, Carmilla tried again. She hoped to get something from it.  
  
Maybe it would ache less, if she left her heart with Laura? Or maybe leaving would be easier, if she got a response to it.  
  
How do people do that? Leave behind someone they love?  
  
“Now go. Before I start crying for real.”, Laura wiped at her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.  
  
“You are crying for real though.”, the dark haired girl shrugged and reached out with her left hand to cup the blonde’s face once again. Laura leaned into the touch, closing her eyes for a second and then when her hazel eyes made contact with the rich brown ones of the brunette, there was something flickering in her.  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
Those words were Carmilla’s favorite ones to hear, and simultaneously they made it so much harder.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
  
“Go, Carmilla.”, Laura urged her.  
  
“Just a second.”, a response that was barely above a whisper.  
  
  
The dark haired girl leaned in, waiting for consent, but when there was no complaint, she placed a tender kiss on those lips that had become her favorite thing to kiss.  
  
  
“I’ll call you when I land.”, and off she was, bracing herself and walking out of the house she grew up in like nothing was bothering her. She steeled herself, clenching her jaw and swallowing down anything negative bubbling up.  
  
What a good actress.  
  
  
Laura followed the girl she loved, until she was at the front door, and observed her father from a safe distance. He was giving Carmilla a hug and telling her to be safe. Will also hugged his twin sister and Laura saw, how she whispered something into his ear, before he leaned back and nodded eagerly.  
  
  
The blonde’s legs carried her beside her father, who slung his arm over her shoulder and gave her a sympathetic squeeze and kissed her temple.  
  
He was waving at his stepdaughter, who was already in her mother’s passenger seat, ready to move to another state.  
  
A sad smile was decorating her beautiful face, the same that Laura reciprocated.  
  
  
_How am I gonna survive without her?_


	2. Thanksgiving and Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Separated souls and holidays at home.

**Flashback**  
_Summer after junior year._  
  
_Four friends were lounging on the ground at a desolated park that had seen better days for sure, but it was a nice hangout nonetheless. Danny was chasing after Kirsch after he had ‘accidentally’ spilled his grape soda over her (white!!!) tank-top. She accused him of doing it on purpose and now was on her mission to take revenge for his fatal mistake._  
  
_Carmilla shook her head that was resting on Laura’s lap in disapproval, “Those lackwits are made for each other.”_  
  
_“Yeah. It’s totally cute.”, Laura giggled, while her hand drove through the dark mane, here and there freeing some knots._  
  
_“That’s totally squad goals, you guys. If Will and Tara were here, we would be complete.”, LaFontaine, who was resting against a tree in-between Laura and Perry, picked at the grass and flicked it in Carmilla’s direction, who did the same to them._  
  
_“Yeah… Like imagine if we’d really all go to the same university. It would be great.”, Laura lost herself in her thoughts, while picturing Carmilla and her sharing a dorm room. She was brought back to reality, when the dark haired girl tapped on the back of her hand, only to make her look at her. They shared a love-sick look before listening to what the science nerd had to say._  
  
_“I mean we could go to university together!”_  
  
_“How do you picture that Gingersnap? This isn’t like in fictional TV-shows where everyone ends up at the same place together.”, Carmilla finally sat up and grabbed Laura by her waist, to close the unneeded space between them. She was hers after all, and every one should be able to see and recognize it. She was a tiny bit territorial. The blonde caught onto that and smirked knowingly to herself._  
  
_“No, but we could like stay in close proximity to each other right?”, LaFontaine said after a few seconds._  
  
_“No, sweetie, I don’t think that’s that easy. I don’t think you all would want to study in Italy.”, the curly redhead chuckled nervously._  
  
_LaF’s attention snapped to their girlfriend, “What do you mean, **Italy**?”_  
  
_“Well… We talked about this…”, Perry looked at the other couple beside them and lowered her voice, “I told you, I had family in Italy… I told you that there are generations of DiMarco’s going that path. My grandparents studied in Rome and my mother too…”_  
  
_“But… You don’t even like your Italian heritage!”_  
  
_Perry’s eyes went wide, “Just because I complain to you a lot about my loud mother, doesn’t mean I hate my culture!”_  
  
_Carmilla and Laura both shared a look. It was clearly uncomfortable for them to witness that situation._  
  
_“I- I- So this is it???”, LaF asked incredulously, “There is no discussion? After High School you’ll go away to live with your mother’s family in Italy?”_  
  
_“It’s just for three years, LaFontaine…”_  
  
_“We’re gonna talk about this later. I can’t believe it…”, the science nerd ran off with annoyed huffs._  
  
_Perry looked at the remaining two, “Sorry, but I should…”_  
  
_“Yeah, no totally! You should go after them.”, Laura nodded eagerly._  
  
  
  
_“Sooo…”, Carmilla exhaled deeply, “That was intense.”_  
  
_“Yeah… I get LaFontaine though. I mean, they probably had big plans with Perry and she wasn’t in on this the whole time.”_  
  
_“They’ve been barely dating half a year now, Laura.”, the brunette dismissed it as if it was no big deal. Laura tugged away Carmilla’s arm on her waist and turned slightly to look at her._  
  
_“We’ve been dating for nine months now… Do you think it’s crazy to think about a joint future?”_  
  
_Okay. **No**. Carmilla should backtrack right now. She didn’t have the headspace to deal with this now. It was summer for god’s sake._  
  
_“I don’t, but like… You shouldn’t base off your academical choice on whether or not the person you like is gonna be there.”_  
  
_“The person you like?”, the blonde’s voice got a higher pitch to it suddenly, “The person you like???”_  
  
_“Oh my god, Laur, chill.”_  
  
_Wrong thing to say._  
  
_The blonde scoffed and got up, wiping away any dirt that had settled onto her skirt and walked away. Carmilla cursed out swear words like always and ran after her._  
  
_“Jesus, Laura I didn’t mean it like **that**!”_  
  
_“Yeah? How did you mean it then, Carm?”_  
  
_Laura could walk fast…_  
  
_“Can you please stop?”_  
  
_The blonde did immediately and turned around to face her. Okay. Laura did get scary sometimes. Even though she was the shorter one._  
  
_“Sooo…”, Carmilla tentatively reached out her hands and intertwined her fingers with Laura’s, “What I meant to say is, that of course it would be great to be together with the person you love during college time… But sometimes you gotta do what’s good for your future… Which doesn’t mean that it has to be like 200 miles away though.”_  
  
_(Little did she know that in reality it was going to be 2000 miles.)_  
  
_Laura conceded finally, it was good enough, “We can try to find colleges that are close to each other to apply to right?”_  
  
_“Yeah, there always is a way, Creampuff.”_  
  


* * *

  
  
**The Girlfriend** (5:48pm): I know you are all the way over there, when you get this, but through all that crying I kinda forgot to tell you that I’m so fucking proud of you and that you got this! You’re gonna ace university like a pro, coz you have been reading those depressing-as-fuck shit books all your life and I’m sure you’re gonna have tons of fun.  
  
**The Girlfriend** (5:53pm): but not too much fun tho ;)  
  
**The Girlfriend** (5:54pm): JK!  
  
**The Girlfriend** (5:59pm): when you arrive and are all settled in and stuff, text me! Or call me. Whatever.  
  
  
Carmilla groaned.  
  
She should absolutely change that name in her contacts.  
  


* * *

  
  
“You’re such a loserrrrr!”, Laura exclaimed, while scoring yet another goal. The ball bounced against Will’s feet and he just shook his head in frustration.  
  
“How are you _so_ good at this? You’re like a dwarf!”  
  
“Hey!!!”, the blonde bunched up her face, while Tara approached her defeated hero and kissed away his pout.  
  
“Next time you’ll get her.”, the bottle-blonde girl said smirking up at him and slinged her arms around his neck.  
  
“That’s what you always say.”, the boy groaned.  
  
“Oh come on, she got a sports scholarship. Of course she’s good.”, Tara winked at Laura who grinned victoriously and puffed out her chest.  
  
“You’re such a boy sometimes, Hollis!”, Wendy (the raven-haired, grey-eyed beauty that she was) joined them and fist-pumped Laura.  
  
“Was _that_ supposed to be an insult?”, Laura had a challenging look to her face and started laughing.  
  
“No. It’s hot, totally hot.”, Wendy winked.  
  
Laura’s laughter subsided immediately and somehow she felt dirty. Like she wasn’t allowed to be complimented by anyone that wasn’t Carmilla. It wasn’t just regular loyalty. She simply wasn’t over the other girl. And now she wanted to run away, but she forced herself to smile.  
  
  
“Come on, Will! Another round. First one to score 3 goals buys dinner for all of us!”  
  


* * *

  
  
“I don’t know how to work this shit. Like seriously Laura. I’ll be home in a month. Can’t you just teach me then?”, Carmilla spoke to her laptop that showed the blonde’s bunched up face.  
  
_Cutie._  
  
“No, Carm! You promised you’d facetime me once a month! And you got a fucking Macbook for Christmas, learn how to at least facetime. That’s really not that hard.”  
  
“I send you a million pictures of me, isn’t that enough?”  
  
“But that’s not the same, and you know it. I wanna get a virtual video-tour of your dorm room!”  
  
Secretly Laura just wanted to see Carmilla’s face in motion and hear her talk at the same time. It had been a month since classes had started and more than 5 weeks since they had seen each other (the ritual morning selfies on Sundays not included).  
  
“What do I click now again?”  
  
It was not like Carmilla didn’t want to see Laura, or hear her voice, but the plain fact that she had absolutely no idea how to work technology. The blonde wondered, how she got through preparing presentations or writing digital papers in high school.  
  
“The camera thing that’s crossed out. And-”, Laura stopped talking, because apparently Carmilla had defeated technology and was victorious in her attempt to turn on _‘the thing that spies on me while I sleep’._  
  
“Hey cutie!”  
  
“Carm…”, a thousand-megawatt-smile and a chuckle later, “Hi! Hello! Wow, it’s like…”, the blonde cleared her throat, “It’s so good to see your room in real. And all the shit you’re leaving around over there… Say, is that your heap of trash over there?”, Laura squinted her eyes and took all of the things in that were presented to her on her computer screen.  
  
“I don’t mind my mess. A genius lives in the chaos.”, the dark haired girl gestured towards the pile of clothes and whatever behind herself, and started on her bag of Cheetos that she had laid out in front of her.  
  
Laura giggled, “Yeah, I was used to you being a slob. And are you seriously watching me like a movie now? With snacks and everything?”  
  
“Sure! Interactive watching even!”, Carmilla leaned forwards and then after some seconds she had a can of grape soda in her hand, “And you know, how I’ve always loved to watch you, Creampuff.”  
  
If the camera quality hadn’t been so bad, the brunette probably would have been able to see the blush that crept up on Laura’s face.  
  
_Was she just flirrrrrr…?_  
  
She shook her head to get that thought of her head, “Uhh, anyways… How’s school going?”  
  
“Fine. I haven’t killed anyone yet. A double major is kind of hard to pursue with the prospect of not having many free weekends, but I want to try.”  
  
“You’re super smart. You’ll push through. I believe in you. If anyone can do it, then it’s you.”, Laura said so confidently that Carmilla wanted to believe it instantly. And she did actually.  
  
“How are the English classes going? And did you already pick your electives for summer?”  
  
“It’s easy enough for now. I thought about getting into more writing classes. Creative writing. Just for fun, y’know?”  
  
“Yeah?”, Laura nodded in response, “And how about soccer? Did you already score some goals or something?”  
  
“I’m a defensive midfielder, I’m not quite…”, she knew that she lost Carmilla on the word _midfielder_ , so she sighed, “You’ve been to my games Carm, how many goals have I scored in the last two seasons?”  
  
“Uhm…”  
  
Laura rolled her eyes, “Seriously what were you doing there, if not watching me play?”  
  
“Oh, I watched you play.”, Carmilla wiggled with her eyebrows, “I just didn’t really concentrate on the game. You had my sole attention.”  
  
“Stop sugarcoating everything to make it look like less of a crime.”  
  
The brunette leaned forward, taking in the environment Laura was in. It made her feel a little homesick. And Laura-sick too.  
  
  
“Tell me how you’ve been.”, the dark haired girl suddenly started and for a second the blonde simply stared at her, furrowing her brows.  
  
“I was just telling you about school-”  
  
Carmilla shook her head, “No, tell me how _you_ have been.”  
  
_Tell me how you’ve been without me, because I’ve been miserable without you._  
  
“Uhm. Well the whole transition is hard. I was used to my old friends… I was used to the high school system- I was used to having Danny around- How’s that going by the way? You two best buds now?”  
  
“Xena and I don’t see each other _that_ often.”, Carmilla rolled her eyes.  
  
She unfortunately did. Danny and Kirsch had even joined her at dinner not so long ago and they even managed to **not** just glare at each other -which was a miracle in itself. She actually had enjoyed conversation with the redhead (she would never admit to that though).  
  
Although the puppy dog was annoying at times, she even recognized the appeal in having someone around that was so wonderfully simple and foolishly good-hearted. Carmilla didn’t see the need in telling Laura about all of that.  
  
She wouldn’t deny friendly feelings towards Danny anymore, if she were threatened, but she was definitely not admitting to liking her.  
  
So that was progress enough.  
  
“It’s funny really. That you two applied to the same university and both decided to go there.”  
  
“It’s a huge freaking cosmic joke, I tell you. Especially since the manmeat goes to college only thirty minutes away.”  
  
It really was comical, because her best friend LaFontaine got into a science program in Connecticut. So they would have Laura in near reach. Carmilla had envied them for that a little, but then every time she was remembered that their girlfriend Perry was going to attend a university in Italy, she forgot about it.  
  
The dark haired girl had much more luck with that one. Although Carmilla and Laura were the ones that had broken up over their long distance. LaF and Perry still were holding onto their relationship. And by the texts and rare phone calls Carmilla had received from LaFontaine, they seemed to be happy with it.  
  
_For how long_ was the question.  
  
The brunette really did wish her best friend that they wouldn’t separate, but she knew that Perry wouldn’t be able to come home for the short breaks, like she was able to. That left them with Christmas, maybe the semester break and summer holidays.  
  
Talk about distance being a bitch.  
  
  
“I miss us. I miss you.”, Laura finally settled on admitting that, and Carmilla’s attention snapped to her face, to study her thoroughly. The blonde was biting her bottom lip, gnawing on it nervously, like she was afraid that she said the wrong thing or that she wasn’t allowed to say things like that.  
  
  
However that was all Carmilla needed to hear. Because she thought she was crazy to think like that.  
  
“Yeah?”, the brunette stroked the display of her laptop, as if Laura would be able to feel that, “I miss you too.”  
  
For a moment Laura seemed like she wanted to say something, but then refrained. She started on another topic.  
  
“So, I was thinking about getting a new job. I actually already applied for it. It’s for waiting tables at this hipster indie location that Wendy’s parents run-”  
  
“Who is Wendy?”, Carmilla didn’t mean to sound like a controlling ex girlfriend, but that’s how she did sound anyway. And she was right in doing so, she found.  
  
That development was something new. In all their phone calls/texts never did that name come up. Laura talked about some fellow students, but never was Wendy a topic. Who the hell called their daughter Wendy?  
  
_What a stupid name_ , Carmilla thought.  
  
“We’ve met her once or twice actually, but never got introduced. It’s Tara’s best friend… You know the one with the pretty eyes and dark hair? However, she is in my English Lit. class now! It’s pretty awesome that I immediately had someone that I knew! It’s like a huge coincidence!”  
  
_Pretty eyes._ Carmilla remembered her. She really was a pretty girl.  
  
“Yeah a huge fucking coincidence…”, Carmilla mumbled and listened to what Laura had to gush about that new working place. She didn’t pay too much attention though.  
  
_Wendy..._  
  


* * *

  
  
“How’s Perry in Italy? Living the dolce vita?”, Laura asked LaFontaine, who was happily drinking their milkshake.  
  
“Yeah totally. Her Italian is so hot though, like for real! And she’s always sending me those wicked food pics… Wait, I’m gonna show you!”, they started typing away on their phone and Laura watched them with adoration.  
  
Adoration for their ability to look at their fate so positively. Why hadn’t her and Carmilla tried to hold onto what was good between them.  
  
Had their love for each other not been enough?  
  
She had a hard time remembering why or who exactly made the decision to break up.  
  
  
“How do you guys do that?”  
  
“Do what?”, LaF asked, clearly confused enough to forget the fact that they were searching for pictures to show their friend.  
  
“I mean, you don’t see each other, you don’t know when she’ll be able to come home or-”  
  
“She’s coming home for Christmas.”, the redhead said determined.  
  
“It’s for two fucking weeks and then she’ll be gone and you don’t know what the heck she’s doing there in Italy and with whom!”  
  
“Calm down, calm down! Is this about Perry and I or is this about Carmilla?”  
  
“Why would this be about Carm? She and I broke up. We’re parted people. She can do whatever the hell she wants.”  
  
LaFontaine threw her a skeptical stare, “Right. How about you? Have you _done whatever the hell you want_?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“You’re a popular girl… There has to be someone lining up for you.”  
  
“Even if, I couldn’t-”, the blonde stopped herself and saw the victorious face LaFontaine was making.  
  
“See? She feels the same. Who knows, maybe you’ll both give it a go again, when she comes back for Thanksgiving?”  
  
“Yeah maybe.”  
  


* * *

  
  
One Friday evening after class Carmilla checked her phone to find messages on it.  
  
**Laura** (4:34pm): hey Carm!  
**Laura** (4:35pm): I got the job! starting on monday!  
**Laura** (4:35pm): Wendy put in a good word for me!!!  
  
She typed a response right away. She was happy for Laura. Really, she was. The blonde had mentioned wanting to find a place to live by herself near campus soon. A commute of one hour was  simply tiring, if it meant waking up for the morning classes at 5 am. She would be able to sleep in a bit more, if she could afford a place to live in, nearby the campus.  
  
**Carm** (11:42pm): Sounds great. Really happy for you!  
**Carm** (11:42pm): We can celebrate when I come in a few weeks!  
  
**Laura** (8:43pm): Carm srsly you gotta work out the time zone shit.  
**Laura** (8:43pm): it’s like midnight over here, I was just falling asleep  
  
**Carm** (11:46pm): Why didn’t you mute your phone then?  
  
**Laura** (8:47pm): its muted but your number always gets through  
  
**Carm** (11:51pm): :) Go to sleep.  
**Carm** (11:51pm): We’ll talk later :*  
  
**Laura** (8:52pm): I love you  
  
Her heart lept out of her chest, it was beating so fast. Carmilla wanted to write it back, tell Laura everything. How she was feeling, what she wrote down at night into her diary, but she knew the blonde probably had written it in her sleepy, confused state.  
  
Reciprocating would be unfair.  
  
To both of them.  
  
**Carm** (11:54pm): Sleep tight, cutie.  
  
  
Laura didn’t text her for four days in a row for the first time.  
  
Carmilla wanted to call her every night, but didn’t.  
  
When the blonde asked to facetime on the fifth day, she declined saying she was busy.  
  
  
The main reason was the fact that Carmilla couldn’t look into those hazel eyes and for one moment longer pretend like she wasn’t hurting. She would break down, upon seeing Laura. It was ridiculous, because it was virtual. The brunette knew that, but still.  
  
  
Their texts got more and more rare and it got as far as Laura not even knowing the date of Carmilla’s arrival for when she was supposed to come home for Thanksgiving.  
  


* * *

  
  
Danny was lounging on Carmilla’s bed, while the brunette was shuffling through her closet. She’d never been one to be on time. The redhead was groaning every 5 seconds.  
  
“Are you like done yet or what? I’m hungry!”, the giantess only earned a glare for the question.  
  
“Why are you here so early anyway?”  
  
Danny was eying her hand and rubbing at her fingernails, before looking up and meeting Carmilla’s interrogating expression.  
  
“Because Kirsch and I got into a fight again. He kinda got lowkey pissed at me for leaving for Thanksgiving. Because he can’t go home this time. I get it. He’s frustrated, but I’m not responsible for the football games. He wanted to be a star footballer. He has to be available for his team.”  
  
“Oh my god. You two are so annoying-”, Carmilla scowled, but got interrupted in her attempt to insult Danny, when someone knocked on her dorm room door. The dark haired girl shrugged and went to see, who it was.  
  
She hadn’t anticipated it to be that cute blonde from Philosophy class.  
  
  
“Hey!”, she looked expectantly at Carmilla.  
  
“Hey?”, the brunette hesitantly replied.  
  
“Splendid. You forgot.”, realization hit the blonde.  
  
“Forgot what?”, Danny was standing beside the brunette now and towering over them both.  
  
The girl looked at the redhead wide-eyed and then at Carmilla.  
  
“Caroline was supposed to share some of her notes with me, and I totally forgot. Yes. Sorry.”, the dark haired girl apologized.  
  
The blonde shrugged, “Don’t worry about it. Sooo… Another time?”  
  
Danny just shrugged, “You can join in on dinner?” The question was directed at Carmilla.  
  
The brunette nodded eagerly, “We’re going to that Mexican place everyone recommended to be good.”  
  
Finally they both moved away from the door and the blonde saw it as an invitation to come in (which it also was).  
  
Caroline chuckled, “You are in Arizona. Any Mexican food you’ll taste here is going to be better than what your east-coast asses are used to.”  
  
  
The redhead feigned a gasp, “Karnstein! Why haven’t you introduced us to each other sooner? I like her snark.”  
  
“I’m sure you do, Xena.”, Carmilla was rolling her eyes.  
  
“Wait, so… Your real name is Xena?”, the blonde asked in amazement.  
  
Carmilla’s laugh was so loud that the whole floor heard it.  
  
  
Later that night when Caroline sent her a friendship request on facebook, she accepted happily. Maybe Arizona wouldn’t be so bad, with the right people, she thought to herself.  
  
That night was the first night she didn’t fall asleep thinking about Laura.  
  


* * *

  
  
**Facebook**  
  
**Car Milla** is friends with _Caroline Rice_.  
**Car Milla** liked a picture, where she’s tagged in.  
  
(Picture of Carmilla drinking whatever in a red plastic cup and three boys cheering her on.)  
Caption  
**Caroline Rice** Because she was thirsty AF. #collegeparties  
  
  
When Laura saw the picture, her insides felt like they were twisting.  
  
On that day she befriended Wendy on facebook and followed her on instagram.  
  
They were supposed to have new friends, of that Laura was aware, but it still did hurt her.  
  
  
Also: Since when did Carmilla start drinking alcohol?  
  


* * *

  
  
“I’m coming home in a few days, why the hell are you calling me?”, Carmilla answered her phone and Caroline was looking at her with risen eyebrows. They both had been studying in the library for long and now were eating at the cafeteria.  
  
“It’s great to hear your voice too.”, LaF replied with a chuckle, “Haven’t talked in a bit and I wanted to ask, when exactly you are coming home.”  
  
“On Friday, why?”, the brunette stuck out her tongue for the blonde to catch on camera.  
  
“This is going to be on your wall.”, Caroline whispered in amusement.  
  
“Because I was gonna do a little gathering at my place. With movies and stuff. Saturday would be okay for you?” (They never were very fond of Danny and Carmilla figured they were not planning on inviting her anyway.)  
  
“Yeah… Are you okay?”, the brunette sensed something.  
  
“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
“I don’t know… It’s so sudden and you were talking about being busy for the holidays and now you wanna bring us all together…”  
  
There was a long exhale on the other line, “I just miss us all hanging out together.”  
  
“Okay.”, the dark haired girl sighed, “How is everyone?”  
  
“ **Laura** is fine. You should call her sometime.”  
  
“I wasn’t only talking about her.”  
  
“Sure you weren’t.”, the Philosophy major rolled her eyes at that one, “She won’t shut up about you, y’know? You should really call her sometime.”  
  
Carmilla chuckled to herself, “Is that right?”  
  
  
  
Caroline had tried not to listen in, but it was inevitable considering their proximity and Carmilla didn’t seem to mind anyway.  
  
“So what was that about?”, the blonde asked, once Carmilla had hung up.  
  
“Old high school friend. We are all gonna do a group hang or something.”, the dark haired girl shrugged, “It’s gonna be a packed holiday for me.”  
  
“I can imagine.”  
  


* * *

  
  
**Facebook**  
  
Laura Hollis uploaded a new photo - here: _St. James University, New York_  
(Picture of Laura in her soccer jersey, holding a ball.)  
  
**Wendy Michelle** commented on _Laura Hollis_ picture.  
**Wendy Michelle** Beast ;) that color tho  
  
  
Carmilla had no right to be jealous. She had no fucking- But she was, oh was she.  
  
Laura was allowed to do that though. She wasn’t bound to her, or anyone in that matter.  
  
Why did it sting so much then? Why was she so keen on wanting Laura to not be with anyone?  
  


* * *

  
  
Laura had gone out for a long run.  
  
She’d been out of it during soccer practice and somehow a long run with some good music was the only thing that helped in those cases. The blonde simply didn’t know where her focus had gone, but it needed to come back. Like soon, because tuition wasn’t going to pay itself and Laura’s soccer scholarship was a great start to getting out of college debt-free.  
  
The blonde panted all the way from the kitchen (where she grabbed a water bottle) to her room upstairs. She’d pushed beyond her limit and it had felt incredible. Which also meant that she had to take a hot, scalding shower now, because her muscles felt a little sore.  
  
She couldn’t really play soccer with aching muscles.  
  
Even though the next game was more than a week away.  
  
After taking that shower, she quickly wrapped a towel around herself and looked herself over in the mirror.   
  
It had been one of those days again. There was some mindless flirting with some customers earlier, when she’d been working at _‘the Anglerfish’_.  
She felt weird for feeling weird. Fortunately she didn’t need to work for the next few days, so that was that.  
  
It was a suffocating feeling though, whenever she realized that she was flirting back or looking at someone in a certain way.  
  
There was only one person that she wanted to look at like that.  
  
_You’re the piniest pine to ever pine_.  
  
Laura suddenly heard some shuffling in her room -which super creepy, because no one was supposed to be at home. She just hoped it wasn’t some bird again (that really happened one time- and it ended up with pooping all over Laura’s sheets).  
  
  
The blonde walked out of the bathroom, turning off the light, when the sight of a certain stepsister greeted her.  
  
  
There Carmilla was with a smug smile plastered to her face and an arched eyebrow, “Took you long enough.”  
  
Laura’s eyes were wide, “Carm…”  
  
The dark haired girl stood up and crossed the room to properly greet her ex-girlfriend with a hug, but the blonde shoved her away gently, before she reached her, “How the hell are you here? Why haven’t you called me or anything? I would have picked you up from the airport!”  
  
“I took a cab, because I wanted to surprise you.”  
  
“Does your mom know you’re here? Because she’s away with dad over the weekend! She told me you were coming on Monday!”  
  
“I know they are. We talked about it, when I told her I was coming. I got a cheaper flight for this Friday, so I thought why not come by earlier.”, Carmilla actually paid an extra 50 bucks to be home sooner. She just couldn’t contain it anymore.  
  
“Ohh…”, Laura finally slowed down with her interrogation.  
  
  
“Are you gonna let me hug you now or…?”  
  
The blonde smiled sheepishly and approached the other girl. They stood in each other’s space for a bit, before Carmilla reached around the petite frame of the other girl and enveloped her in a bone-crushing embrace.  
  
“I missed you, Creampuff.”, the brunette whispered into Laura’s bare shoulder. Just then she realized that there only was a towel between them. And so did the blonde, because her breath hitched.  
  
Carmilla’s lips were still attached to the warm skin, and somehow neither of them moved. Tentatively the brunette placed there a long, lingering kiss and slowly leaned back to look into Laura’s eyes that were glazed over.  
  
A few strands of wet hair were falling into her face and there was a rosy color on her cheeks. The blonde’s lips were slightly parted, and Carmilla noted her bottom lip trembling.  
  
“It’s so good to see you.”, Laura said breathlessly, with her eyes fixated on the other girl’s lips.  
  
“Yeah…”, they both lost each other in the prospect of being able to kiss the other one.  
  
_Technically we were dating once and it totally would be_ -  
  
Laura’s trail of thoughts got interrupted, when Carmilla just went with it and crashed her lips into hers with so much vigor. She wasn’t used to it anymore. She always had loved how passionate the brunette was at times. She still did.  
  
The blonde walked forwards, until Carmilla sat on her bed and pulled her on her lap. They locked eyes and there was a secret understanding. No one questioned anything.  
  
It had been too long.  
  
Laura tugged on the collar of the brunette’s leather jacket and freed her from that very obstructing piece of clothing. She even got as far as opening a few buttons on the blouse that the dark haired girl was wearing, when she suddenly found herself on her back with Carmilla hovering above her.  
  
The brunette struggled with her breathing. Her heart was beating out of tact, this was overwhelming. Carmilla was hesitating a bit, until she felt a hand snake under her shirt. All of the doubts vanished once and for all, and she tugged on the only thing that was covering Laura. The towel found its way to the floor.  
  
The blonde followed Carmilla’s wandering eyes with her own.  
  
Carmilla’s mouth went dry and she suddenly felt a little hot and nervous. This was by far not a rare sight in her last year of high school. Even with lingering parents and Will and his girlfriend around, but still. It had been about three months since…  
  
  
“Laura?! You home?!”, Will’s voice chimed up and Carmilla blew out the air she was holding in, settling herself beside the blonde and burying her face in Laura’s neck.  
  
“Mhm!”, Laura shoved away her ex, stood up and exhaled deeply.  
  
Carmilla just watched her back arch, and then how she walked towards her dresser and pulled out underwear to put on. After she was done (in record time), she went to grab a robe and put it on quickly, tying a fast knot.  
  
Will knocked shortly on her bedroom door, while Carmilla shuffled up into a sitting position.  
  
“I was gonna ask you-”, Will spotted his twin sister, “Kitty! What are you doing here?”  
  
“It’s nice to see you too, asshat.”, Carmilla waved him off.  
  
He took in both of their flushed faces and there certainly was something going on, but he didn’t comment on it.  
  
“Yeah… It’s good to see you, sis…”, when there was a lacking response from her, he decided to just continue, “Anyway, good that you’re here. Tara and Wendy are joining me for dinner, so you two should come too.”  
  
_That Wendy again._  
  
“Yeah. Sounds fine.”, Laura responded.  
  
Will averted his gaze to his sister’s, who looked up through her lashes, first at Laura then at him.  
  
“I’m actually a little tired from the flight. But you guys go.”  
  
“Okay, no worries.”, Will nodded and just then he saw the discarded leather jacket on the floor, “Uhm, good. Laura, I’ll see you downstairs in half an hour?”  
  
“Yep. Sounds good.”, the blonde responded, while the boy left the room.  
  
  
  
“Do we talk about this?”, Carmilla asked hesitantly.  
  
“Not now, okay?”, the blonde asked, getting rid of her robe and going on the search for a pair of jeans in her dresser, “We’ll talk about it later. You get some rest.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
The brunette watched the other girl getting dressed in front of her and soon Will and her drove to the pizza place nearby, leaving back a confused Carmilla.  
  
  
They didn’t talk about the almost incident that night.  
  


* * *

  
  
“That Wendy girl hangs out a lot with you guys, huh?”, Carmilla wanted to know from her brother while having breakfast with him. Laura had worn out her body the day prior and surprisingly was sleeping in.  
  
(Carmilla actually should be suffering from a minor jet lag, but somehow she wasn’t able to sleep much.)  
  
Will placed the mug in his hand on the table and picked at his bread that he was having for breakfast. He seemed to be very calculative and really took his time with his response.  
  
“Yeah. She does. I mean, she has most of her classes with Laura and the other time they two aren’t studying together, she’s with us because Tara is with me so…”  
  
Carmilla bit on her lip, released it and clenched her jaw. Her twin was observing her meticulously, before adding something to it.  
  
“There’s nothing going on between those two. Don’t worry about that.”  
  
The brunette stared at him with wide eyes, before shaking her head, “I wasn’t- She isn’t mine. She can do whatever she wants.”  
  
“Really? You two are not getting back together?”  
  
The girl frowned, before answering, “We broke up for a reason. And the fact that I reside about 2000 miles away from her still is prominent.”  
  
“Didn’t look like it last night.”  
  
Carmilla groaned, “There is nothing going on, Will.”  
  
“Alright, alright. If you say so.”, the boy chuckled, before squinting his eyes at his sister, “So tell me, do _you_ have someone?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Did you meet someone interesting? Oh c’mon, in high school I had to listen to all the guys **and** girls calling you hot. It’s not so hard for you.”  
  
“I’m not gonna talk to you about _that_. Only two years ago you were trying to steal away my girl.”  
  
“But I thought she wasn’t _your girl_?”, Will had a point there.  
  
“You’re so fucking annoy-”  
  
  
“Hey… What’s going on in here?”, Laura joined the twins on the breakfast table -oblivious to everything as ever. The blonde yawned, looked at them both skeptically, before occupying the chair next to Carmilla.  
  
“Uh… Nothing. Did you want coffee?”, Carmilla asked the blonde.  
  
Laura smiled at her thankfully, “Yeah, that would be great, thanks Carm.”  
  
Coffee. That was easy. Laura liked a little cream and two spoons of sugar-  
  
“No, no, no! I drink it black now.”, the blonde interrupted Carmilla’s doings in time for her to set down the cream onto the table. The brunette looked at her wide-eyed, Laura just took the mug away from her and added one spoon of sugar to her coffee and stirred the liquid.  
  
“Since when do you drink it like that?”  
  
“Since I found out that the milk and sugar combination makes me more tired and that’s kinda not the purpose of coffee. College life teaches you a few things, I guess… But I still couldn’t cut the sugar fully.”  
  
“Huh.”  
  
It was something so small. She’d been away for three months. Not even. And Laura seemed to be like a complete different person to her. Carmilla didn’t even know how she took her coffee anymore. If _that_ had changed, she wondered what else had.  
  
“Whatevs, bye you two. I have a bromantic date with Kirsch via skype. He’s bummed out that he can’t come home.”  
  
“Yeah, Xena won’t shut up about his whiney ass. Tell him to man up already.”, the brunette called after her brother.  
  
  
Laura hummed, surprised by the revelation, “So you’ve been talking to Danny recently?”  
  
Carmilla turned to her, “Well, we go to the same school. It’s inevitable. I met her a couple of times in the last month.”  
  
Or more like every week since week 3, but it was totally uncool to admit that.  
  
_Totally uncool?_  
  
Sounded like something the beef parade would say. Carmilla was turning into them. _Oh god no_. She definitely couldn’t tell Laura too much about her friendly advances towards those tall idiots.  
  
“You go to a school that has like fifty thousand students. Plus, your majors are completely different.”, the blonde was genuinely surprised that those two seemed to have worked it out.  
  
“Alright, alright. You got me. We kinda have been hanging around. You said it. Sometimes it’s nice to know someone, when you’re off to somewhere new, right?”  
  
Yeah that sounded vague enough. Not like _‘Hey, Laura give us couple more months and I’ll steal away your best friend.’._  
  
Laura laughed delightfully, “You mean to actually tell me that you and Danny have become friends?”  
  
Ugh why did she have to make it so hard?  
  
“What?”, Carmilla’s eyes grew wide, “Certainly not! Just- Well, I don’t really hate her anymore.”  
  
“Uh-huh.”, Laura looked at the chocolate filled croissant in front of her for a long time, before deciding that it wasn’t worth it.  
  
“I know you want it.”, the dark haired girl chuckled, wanting to place the sugar and butter bomb onto Laura’s plate, but she vehemently shook her head.  
  
“Wendy says I should cut my sugar intake, if I don’t want to end up with diabetes at the age of 20.”  
  
“That Wendy girl sure knows how to ruin fun, doesn’t she?”, the brunette let slip.  
  
Laura smiled sweetly, “She does it for my wellbeing.”  
  
“Are you saying I never cared for you?”  
  
“No. Of course not. But like… _You loved me_. You couldn’t say no to me. She just sees the practical reason for me not to do certain things.”  
  
Carmilla -very satisfied with that answer- dared to go down that road again, “I still do y’know? Love you, I mean.”  
  
Laura looked up from her empty plate. Her nails were lightly tapping against the ceramic, until she stopped in her movements.  
  
“Why haven’t you kept in touch with me in the last few weeks?”  
  
There was that.  
  
“I was busy… With school stuff.”  
  
“Bullshit. You just told me that you found time to meet Danny several times. Is it really too much to send me a text? Call me for five minutes? Saying hello?”  
  
“You are not someone that only takes up 5 minutes of a day.”  
  
That came out wrong. Laura’s face gave it away.  
  
“Sorry. I didn’t think I was such a bother for you.”, the blonde was ready to leave the scene, but Carmilla captured her hand swiftly.  
  
“That’s not what I-”, the brunette closed her eyes, took a deep breath and then started to talk calmly, “When I call you, I want to spend my whole day talking to you, because talking to you makes me feel like I’m not gone and you make feel so good. But then I can’t touch you or hold you and we’re broken up, so I can’t even tell you that I miss to do so or that I love you. Oh, Laura, I love you so, so much and knowing that and not being able to act on it… You’re not mine anymore and I just thought I should give you space. Give **us** space. Because this is college. We’re supposed to try out different things. We’re supposed to grow through our experiences and not hold each other back.”  
  
“But I don’t want anyone else. I haven’t touched anyone else.”, Laura’s voice was barely above a whisper. She looked terrified. As if admitting it was her worst mistake.  
  
“I wasn’t only talking about dating other people. I was being general. You have your life with… Soccer and work… And uni stuff and I have mine… We mutually came up with the decision of separating.”  
  
Why was she trying to talk herself into it? She knew that she wanted it the other way. She wanted Laura Hollis for herself. It was funny. When Carmilla made a move to get back together, Laura would tell her off and vice versa.  
  
“Yeah, I know. I know. That personal growth shit again.”, the blonde gestured with her hands, pleading for the other girl to stop talking about that subject.  
  
They had gone over it so many times, Laura wasn’t sure if half of it was spun in her head or if all of that really had happened.  
  
“I really want you to be happy.”  
  
“I know. I know, Carm. I want what’s best for you too.”  


* * *

  
  
“Awesome!”, LaFontaine looked at their friends in the room, “A high school reunion!”  
  
“Oh yeah, such a mega fun reunion.”, Carmilla commented dryly. Laura elbowed her in her stomach and they shared a look.  
  
“Missing Lawrence already? She’s gonna be home soon, don’t worry Karnstein.”, the redhead winked.  
  
“Ugh, I couldn’t care less about the giantess and her puppy dog. So what’s this? Did you want to watch movies or not?”  
  
Will and Tara mostly didn’t participate in their conversations up until now, because they were busy making out and putting their super strong relationship at display.  
  
  
“Actually I made a change of plans. I wanna talk a bit first. Catch up, you know? I mean, how’s business school, Will?”  
  
LaFontaine was acting weird, even despite their usual self. Carmilla had known the redhead forever after all. She decided to talk to them about it later on.  
  
“Fine. We talk about me the whole time though… Why don’t we all ask kitty, what she’s doing out there on the west side of this country?”  
  
All eyes settled on the dark haired girl, who was busy swallowing down the half of the cookie she had in her mouth.  
  
“Oh… Well. Nothing much. I go to school and come back to my room and study. That’s how most of my days go.”  
  
“You forgot to mention the numerous college parties you go to.”, Laura challenged her.  
  
Well not challenged her, but there was a certain undertone in it.  
  
“Uhm well yeah, but seriously though haven’t you gone to any yet?”  
  
“No. Our school doesn’t really have those.”, was her twin’s answer. Tara didn’t say much all the time, because she wasn’t in college anymore. She had achieved her degree a year prior (that being the reason why Will was so secretive about her in the first place back in high school -she was three years older than him) and now worked as an accountant. They fit. They had similar interests. Carmilla really was happy for her brother.  
  
“I didn’t have the time yet. Also with soccer practice on some weekends, I’m bound to not destroy my body with drinking. I plan to go on some though in winter, when this season is over.”, Laura answered. Carmilla felt a little guilty -what was that? They shouldn’t be feeling like this. This wasn’t a competition.  
  
Every eye set on LaFontaine now, whose face got a little pale, “I um- yeah same! I gotta go grab some drinks for you guys… Be right back.”, LaF left the scene quickly.  
  
Everyone stared back at the small coffee table that was full with cans of soda.  
  
“Uh… I have to use the restroom…”, the brunette excused herself and followed her friend to the kitchen.  
  
She had a weird feeling about them ever since their phone call, but now it all got doubled. Something was up, and Carmilla wanted to know what. When the dark haired girl walked through the kitchen door, she found the redhead staring out of the small window by the sink, clearly lost in thoughts.  
  
“Trying to make your faucet spill out coke or what?”, Carmilla tentatively moved closer.  
  
She had that nonchalant vibe around her, but deep inside she really cared.  
  
“I- Uh- Hey! What are you doing here?”  
  
“Checking up on you. You seemed a bit off.”  
  
“Yeah, _you’re_ one to talk.”, the redhead turned fully to face their friend, “What’s up with Ms Sunshine and you?”  
  
“Nothing. Why’s everyone asking me that?”  
  
“Because the sexual tension is palpable, Karnstein. I still don’t get why you guys broke up. I mean not even Perry and I did, and we have a lot more reason than you do.”  
  
This caught Carmilla’s attention.  
  
“You do? What happened to _LaFerry for life_?”, the brunette quirked up an eyebrow.  
  
“Well- No! I don’t mean it like _that_ … I meant more like… You guys can see each other more frequently than I can see Perry. She’s like on another fucking continent, across the ocean.”  
  
“It feels like we’re worlds apart though too... I don’t even know how she takes her coffee anymore. I mean, maybe I am crazy, but I feel like she’s slipping right through my fingers, and I just want to hold onto her, with all I have in me, I want to hold onto her, but I can’t. Because that wouldn’t be fair to us.”  
  
“You two are such big idiots.”, LaFontaine sighed, “Seriously. You have the perfect opportunity, you have it so much better than other people. Other couples fall in love with other people and break up over it and your only hold-back is the fact that you can’t spend every second with each other? Really?”  
  
Carmilla shrugged, “Are you happy? With the distance?”  
  
“We’re not talking about me here.”  
  
“But we are. I am asking you. Are you happy with the way things are?”  
  
“They are not ideal… But… We have to work hard for it, for sure. I have to put in more effort… Or she’s gonna leave me- Oh my god! What if she… She can’t-”, okay now Carmilla didn’t have any clue whatsoever.  
  
“What are you talking about? You guys are fine!”  
  
“No, no.”, the redhead shook their head, “We’re not. I did something horrible.”  
  
The dark haired girl frowned, “Okay… What did you do…?”  
  
“I- There was this nice guy sitting next to me on introduction day and we bonded and then we found out that we were in the same classes- Like really almost all of my classes match with his and we talked a lot. **Talk** a lot. And- I know I can’t feel this way, but like-”  
  
Carmilla nodded, she understood. She didn’t, but she did. “Sometimes you just can’t help your feelings. It’s just a silly crush, right? Because he was nice?”  
  
“No… Jeep and I kissed.”  
  
“Oh…”  
  


* * *

  
  
LaFontaine and Carmilla had spent a large amount away from the others, talking about the issue with J.P. -the student with stellar photographic memory apparently- until Laura came to check on them. They dismissed it as forgetting about the others and quickly joined Will and Tara back in the living room of LaF’s parents’ place.  
  
They had put in a movie to watch, but no one actually paid attention. Will and Tara had spent almost the whole entire time sucking each other faces or doing other couple-y stuff and LaFontaine was thinking about their mistake. Talking about it made it so much more real. All Carmilla had found out was the fact that Perry was still in the dark with this. She wasn’t gonna say anything anyway.  
  
And then there was the former dream couple. Both thinking about the same issue, but in such a different way. Laura was still processing their talk from earlier in that day and Carmilla was thinking about her talk with LaF. They were right in a way. There was only the distance thing between them.  
  
If she were to make a move quickly, she would get Laura back. She couldn’t end up like Perry. Wasting away her opportunity, when Laura so clearly said to her that she didn’t want anyone else. Who was she kidding? She still was madly in love with the blonde and that girl probably still wanted her back, so why wasn’t she doing anything about it?  
  
Only 2000 miles. Four years. For love.  
  
  
  
  
“Your driving has improved.”, Carmilla commented, when she got out of Laura’s car. It was fairly late, when they came home. They were the last ones to leave LaF’s place.  
  
The blonde played with the key in her hands, before raising a brow skeptically at the other girl, “I always was a better driver than you, Carm.”  
  
“Ah, here you are mistaken, sweetheart. You have always been the safer driver, but I will always be a better driver.”  
  
Laura didn’t even catch onto to the fact that Carmilla somehow had insulted her, but the term of endearment made her stomach flutter. She’d missed this. They’d both missed this common ground of teasing and mindlessly talking about something as insignificant as driving.  
  
Funny, when had those talks become to count to Laura’s favorite ones?  
  
They walked up to their house in silence, the blonde unlocked the front door and held it open, “After you, m’lady.”  
  
“Ohhh… Thanks.”, the brunette drawled and looked back at her in a seductive way.  
  
Or maybe Laura was just freaking delusional.  
  
Will had decided to stay at Tara’s place that night, so they both had the entire house to themselves.  
  
Carmilla turned on the lights in the stairway and looked around properly. The living room that she saw half of from the position she was standing in, was still fairly dark, but there was something in her heart tugging.  
  
_Home._  
  
It was not just the place -that by the way still looked the same- but it was the memories she’d had in that same room. The first time Laura and her had held hands in front of the family while watching TV, or the first time they had been caught in a heated smooching session after coming home from their senior prom, all those moments came back to her in a flash.  
  
And that was the moment she understood the poets. That was the moment she knew for sure that home was not an inanimate object. It was a person. It was a feeling.  
  
  
“You okay there?”, Laura’s voice brought her out of it. The blonde had already shed her coat and gotten out of her boots.  
  
“Yeah, yeah…”, the brunette answered, while taking off her shoes and leather jacket, “Just trying to accommodate to this. It’s weird. Having so much space to call mine.”  
  
“It’s not yours though. You have to share it with your mom and my dad and your twin and your stepsister.”  
  
  
That was a word Carmilla hadn’t heard of Laura’s word in a long time.  
  
  
“Since when did I become your _stepsister_ again?”  
  
Laura scoffed, and began to slowly ascend some stairs, before looking down. She looked angelic, from up there, Carmilla could only lose herself in Laura’s beauty. She was so beautiful, even though there was a tired expression on her face. The exhaustion didn’t come from a physical nature though, but it was her being fed up with the subject. It came up all the time.  
  
“Since you made it clear that there shouldn’t be anything else between us.”  
  
“I didn’t say that.”  
  
“Not in those words, but yeah. You did.”  
  
Carmilla followed her finally, but still stood on a lower level than Laura, the blonde simply turned away and took the remaining steps to get to the upper floor. The brunette chased after her -well not really, but she was quick in ascending the stairs too.  
  
Laura was standing there, leaning on her door with arms crossed in front of her.  
  
“Why are we talking about this again?”, the blonde finally asked, when Carmilla stood in front of her. So close. Too close. Her mind was starting to get clouded, because there was this certain scent. The same one that made the blonde feel at home, but she already had discovered that home was a person and not a place, when Carmilla had left for university.  
  
“Do you remember? When we still were tiptoeing around each other about our feelings and I told you right here what I felt for you?”  
  
Laura -who had been staring at the floor the past few seconds- looked up, to be met with a pair of dark orbs, “You didn’t tell me. You just…”  
  
The blonde trailed off, gulping, when Carmilla was so dangerously close to her. Her senses were flood with image, with smell, with sound. The dark haired girl was breathing deeply, her forehead met Laura’s.  
  
“Why was it so easy back then?”, Laura whispered.  
  
“Because back then we didn’t have this whole foundation of love built. Back then we barely knew each other…”  
  
Ironic. Shouldn’t that make it easier?  
  
The blonde wanted to respond, but didn’t find it in her heart to ruin the moment.  
  
Her answer would be lame anyways. That was a romantic scene between them, just like in the movies.  
  
Suddenly she felt a cold hand touching her forearm, where her pullover had ridden up a bit. The brunette let her other hand meet with Laura’s shoulder, both of her hands met at the back of the blonde’s neck.  
  
Laura closed her eyes, she heard her heart pounding in her chest. She was almost certain the other girl could hear it too.  
  
“What you said today… Is it true?”, Carmilla’s voice sounded so low and raspy. Laura had almost forgotten that particular tone.  
  
The blonde was confused, “What?”, she met the dark eyes staring right into hers, when she opened her eyes.  
  
“That you didn’t touch anyone else? That no one else touched you?”  
  
“Yeah… I couldn’t think of that. I can’t even picture myself kissing anyone else…”  
  
There went that. No more holding back. She still was hers to have.  
  
Carmilla closed the distance between them, essentially pinning the blonde against the door and kissing her feverishly. There was the urgency again, the need. The dark haired girl had to have her. Carmilla got her answer, the one she wanted.  
  
It wasn’t too late yet.  
  
Laura’s moan that escaped her lips, when the brunette slipped her tongue into the other girl’s mouth made Carmilla think of the fact that they were between a door, in passing -literally. However she didn’t want this moment to pass. She opened the door behind Laura and walked her into her bedroom, closing the door behind herself.  
  
The blonde hesitated, looked up at her and just for a second it seemed like a mistake.  
  
And then Laura pulled her sweater over her head and Carmilla rushed forwards, meeting her lips in a swift and smooth movement.  
  
“I missed this so much.”  
  


* * *

  
  
It was fairly early, when there was some movement to be heard outside of Laura’s bedroom door.  
  
The blonde was lying on a pretty warm something and, everything in her was so, so begging her not to open her eyes, and to ignore the sounds, when she realized…  
  
  
“Fuck!”, Laura whisper-yelled and shot up in bed. Next to her a still half sleeping -and very naked- Carmilla groaned. “Wake up, wake up!”  
  
“Shh, it’s like eight o’clock in the morning for me. On a Sunday, Laura.”  
  
“Except here it is eleven and I think our parents are home!”  
  
The dark haired girl needed a moment, before she sat up too and listened to the sounds outside of the room they were in.  
  
It was clearly her mother and Greg talking outside, probably getting their bags into the bedroom or something.  
  
“Oh… I’m just gonna…”, she whispered and pointed over to the floor, when the blonde stood up and picked up the clothes discarded the night before and threw them in Carmilla’s general direction.  
  
“Get dressed! **Now!** ”  
  
  
  
“Laura, honey? Are you awake?”  
  
_Ohmigod._  
  
Carmilla had already managed to put on her underwear and shirt. Laura would actually be impressed, if she hadn’t been in an absolute compromising situation. She was happy that her stepmother hadn’t knocked on Carmilla’s door first though.  
  
“Uhm just a second!”, the blonde had put on most of her clothes too, while the brunette tried to tame her hair.  
  
Carmilla didn’t even make it to the bathroom door. Veronica apparently didn’t have that second and walked in, clearly a very surprised and/or disturbed to find her daughter in Laura’s room. There was no turning back now.  
  
She had walked in on them in very much more disturbing scenarios, but that was back when they were actually dating.  
  
The blonde was still shirtless and she didn’t know which was worse. The fact that she got caught with Carmilla in her room, or the fact that she was somehow a little uncovered still.  
  
  
“Carmilla.”, the mother spoke to her daughter, her voice calm and steady.  
  
“Hello mother.”  
  
Laura found their relationship too formal at times. Ever since the whole dating thing had started between them, Veronica had become a little bit more agitated and distanced. The blonde couldn’t really blame that woman. She had to face a lot of questions when it came to her daughter dating the school’s most popular girl -who also happened to be her stepdaughter.  
  
The blonde pressed her lips together tightly, before explaining, “This is totally not how it looks like. I- I- Carm was helping me fix this stain on my tank-top…”, she was holding onto Carmilla’s that the brunette had worn under her shirt the night before which she had now buttoned up.  
  
Carmilla looked at the other girl, before daring to meet her mother’s eyes, who still was observing them suspiciously. That was an underestimation. She knew. The moment she had seen Carmilla in that room, she knew.  
  
“I’ll leave you two to it then. Greg and I decided to order in for lunch. I suppose you two are going to be presentable in an hour?”, she didn’t even await an answer, but shut the door behind her with a loud bang.  
  
  
  
“Ohmigod! Your mom totally knew. She knew that we…”, Laura’s face flushed red and she had a pained expression on her face.  
  
“You aren’t really a good liar.”  
  
“And you! You just stood there and did nothing!”  
  
“What was I supposed to do?”, Carmilla looked at the other girl wide-eyed.  
  
“Ugh! I don’t know!”, Laura threw the tank-top towards the other girl and got into the bathroom, to brush her teeth.  


* * *

  
  
Veronica was sitting in the living room, going through some paperwork, when her daughter walked in.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
The mother looked up and smiled, “Hey.”, she put away her pen and gave all her attention to the young woman in front of her.  
  
Sometimes it was hard for Veronica to believe that she was all grown up now. Carmilla was leading a whole different life than the one the rest of the family were living, she was away from home, away from the people who loved her the most and sometimes she feared that her daughter didn’t know that.  
  
“I’m sorry that I haven’t really tried to reconnect.”, the older woman explained her off behavior vaguely.  
  
Carmilla sat down beside her mother, “No, I get it. What you saw earlier- It’s a little more complicated than the usual family reunion.”  
  
“Speaking of reunion… Are you and Laura…?”  
  
The brunette didn’t have the answer herself, “I guess it is safe to say that we’re both trying to ignore my inevitable leave after Thanksgiving, but other than that we don’t really know what we’re doing.”  
  
“What do you want?”  
  
“I want her.”  
  
The older woman sighed, “Carmilla, do you remember how you came to me and told me, you were planning on going to Arizona?”  
  
 “And you wanted to talk me out of it.”  
  
“Because I thought you were doing it out of the wrong reasons, but then I saw how passionate you were about the program there and how much you were invested in getting all the info. I have never seen you like this with anything in your life. I was so proud, because for the first time you’ve been into something for real.”  
  
“What does it have to do with Laura?”  
  
“You know I love her with all of my heart. And I also think that she is a huge factor for you to become the person that you are today, but please don’t endanger your academic future for her. If your love is strong enough, then you will get through this minor setback in your life. You will grow separately and then you can be the stronger version of the couple you would be now. Just think about it. You know why you broke up in summer, and I personally actually thought it was very mature of you two.”  
  
There was a long moment of silence.  
  
“I… I need to get some air… Is it okay if I take your car?”, Carmilla asked her mother.  
  
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”  
  
“You didn’t… I’m not mad at you. I just need some space to think… About Laura. About what you said.”  
  
Veronica gestured towards her purse on the armchair, “Car keys are in there.”  
  


* * *

  
  
“Danny… Is Carm happy over there?”, Laura asked her best friend, while they were sitting in their favorite diner.  
  
The redhead frowned, “Where is this coming from?”  
  
“I’m just wondering how she is, when she’s not at home. Not with me. You see her pretty often right? What would you say?”  
  
“Did something happen between you two?”  
  
Laura decided that it was none of Danny’s business and didn’t update her on their most recent involvement with each other.  
  
“No, no. I am just curious.”  
  
“She’s doing pretty well.”, Danny shrugged, “She’s turned into a nerd. Most of the time you’ll find her in the library or in class- which is surprising. And sometimes you’ll find her with Caroline.”  
  
That caught the blonde’s attention. Laura had seen the facebook interactions of those two, but hadn’t really stalked that girl, because it was none of her business and she didn’t have the need to feel more like a crazy lunatic than she already was feeling anyway.  
  
“Caroline?”  
  
“Yeah I met her once, she seems nice enough. They are study buddies or something.”  
  
“That sounds like-”  
  
“Oh no! God no. They just hang out. I haven’t seen Carmilla get too close to anyone and trust me, _I_ would know about it.”, the tall girl made a disgusted face, “I can’t believe I just said that… I think Morticia and I are becoming friends.”  
  
Laura giggled (finally a little relieved, but the worry was there), “I think you already are.”  
  


* * *

  
  
“It’s so nice to have you all here for Thanksgiving. Laur, darling, would you like to start with listing off what you are thankful for?”, Greg gave his daughter a sweet smile.  
  
“Sure…”, the blonde looked at the dark haired girl that was sitting next to her, “I’m really thankful for all you guys being here and the support I get from my family, or my loved ones in general.”, Laura looked at Carmilla directly and then averted her gaze to her plate.  
  
“I wanna go next.”, Will announced, “I’m really thankful to have my lovely girlfriend join us, and thankful that some years ago my mother fell for Greg Hollis at a parent-teacher conference. I’m just really happy that we’re all coming together here as the family that we are now.”  
  
“That was sweet of you.”, Tara whispered and decided to go next, “I would just like to thank you guys for having me and I love that you still live up to tradition, even now, or _especially_ now that your kids are branching out into different directions. And also, I’m thankful for your hospitality and letting me spend this day with you.”  
  
“You’re always welcome in our family.”, Veronica said fondly. “Carmilla, would you like to say a few words too?”  
  
“Yeah… Well first of all, I’m missing my big sister Mattie here. She sends her greetings to us, by the way. I am thankful for being part of this family, I think Will said it right. There are very specific circumstances that brought two worlds together and I couldn’t be more thankful to all the people here at this table. I love you all.”, the brunette caught Laura’s smile in time, and added, “You make me feel at home and it doesn’t matter where I go, you will always be home for me.”  
  
She wasn’t sure if the **you** meant _you all_ , or just _you, Laura_.  
  


* * *

  
  
“Are you all set?”, Laura asked Carmilla, as she walked into her own room.  
  
The dark haired girl had been looking at the pictures of them both on Laura’s wall. The blonde hadn’t put anything down. Not even those of them kissing. She understood her, because she had taken all the pictures of and with Laura with her to Arizona too, she had them hanging and standing in her room too. Though there weren’t any too intimate-looking pictures upon them.  
  
“Yep. Packed up and ready to go.”  
  
Laura closed her bedroom door, “Wanted to say your special good bye to me?”  
  
“Yes.”, Carmilla chuckled, “God that sounded very suggestive.”  
  
The blonde furrowed her brows, “It did, didn’t it?”  
  
Carmilla gestured for the other girl to come closer, holding out her right hand. Laura did, as wished and took it. The dark haired girl then placed a lingering kiss on it and smiled at her ex-girlfriend.  
  
That’s what they still were.  
  
“The Gingersnap just called me. You could possibly receive a call from their better half.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“LaF has told her about something that they did and now she may be in over her head and she always liked you better than me, sooo…”  
  
Laura didn’t understand a thing, “But what did they do though?”  
  
“They kissed someone else and well- You probably can imagine how Perry feels.”  
  
“Oh my god.”, the blonde’s eyes went wide, “Why aren’t you more surprised? How could LaFontaine do that?”  
  
“Because they told me, and hey. It’s not their fault… Well, at least not entirely. But that is also something that got me into thinking. About us. Jeez, I would die if that would have happened to us.”  
  
Not that it wouldn’t hurt, if that were to happen while they weren’t together… Carmilla would feel like crap either way.  
  
“I would never… And I thought we were done talking about this.”  
  
“We can never be done talking about this, Laura.”  
  
“I’m letting you off the hook.”, the blonde suddenly said. Her face wasn’t giving away any indication for her being in pain. She was doing a good job hiding it.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’m done talking about this. Because it’s always you telling me off or the other way around and we can’t play this shit forever. It’s gonna eventually ruin both of us. When you said, it’s better that we are separately living our lives, you were right. I mean… I don’t regret sleeping with you, but when we’re back at university, we should both just be Carmilla in Arizona and Laura here, back at home. I’m letting you go. You’re free to do whatever… And I am too. This is what you wanted to talk to me about isn’t it? Us trying it out as friends?”  
  
Carmilla had looked at her in awe. She had wanted to talk to Laura about the complete opposite, about trying it out together, but when it was her cue to say something, she just smiled at the other girl and nodded.  
  
How could she pour out her heart’s contents, when she’d already got the rejection smacked into her face?  
  
“Yeah, you just took the words out of my mouth.” _And broke my heart in thousand pieces._  
  
The blonde reciprocated the smile, “Phew… Wasn’t as painful as it ought to be right? Maybe we’ll be good at this friend-thing.”  
  
“Yeah…”, Carmilla felt a deep pain in her chest, and it expanded to her throat. She was about to cry, but held back. She held back so much in that moment.  
  
“Cool. Well… I think I hear your mom downstairs… You should probably jet.”  
  
“Yeah. I’ll see you in exactly one month.”, the dark haired girl embraced Laura in a hug and imprinted her tiny hands around her waist into her mind, because that would give her some consolation on lonely nights.  
  
“See you at Christmas.”  
  
  
  
As soon as Veronica had driven out of the driveway, her daughter began crying bitterly.  
  
Little did Carmilla know that Laura was doing the same in her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, most of the places are fictional in this.  
> And also I do not own any of the brand names that I mention here nor do I promote them.


	3. Have Yourself A Merry, Little Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One month apart, and a lot can happen.

**Flashback**  
_Beginning of senior year._  
  
  
_“Hollis, can I talk to you for a moment.”, the coach cocked her head towards her office after soccer practice._  
  
_“Sure…”, she looked at Danny, who just shrugged, while getting rid of her gloves._  
  
  
  
_“Didn’t I do well today? I mean, I know I’m not as good as last season, but like-”_  
  
_“Laura, stop.”, the woman smiled at the pupil, “You did great out there. That’s also why I asked to talk to you. There is a scout coming in from St. James University for the next game. Do you know St. James?”_  
  
_The blonde snorted, “Yeah no, it’s only like **the** **best school in this freaking state** …”_  
  
_“Exactly. And they are coming for you and Rodríguez.”_  
  
_“But Andrea is a striker… Are they looking for two different positions?”_  
  
_“They are looking for exactly you two, so if you two can show them the same performance you have been showing me since last year, I would bet on a great scholarship. St. James is a highly prestigious institute and you would even be able to commute from home. This is a big deal, Laura.”_  
  
_Laura didn’t even need to be talked into this, “Yeah… This… Thank you so much!”_  
  
_The coach folded her hands together, “It’s all been your own hard work, Laura.”_  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“Carm!”, the dark haired girl heard someone call after her in the school hallway (it could only be the blonde little sunshine that was her girlfriend). She chuckled, before turning around and was immediately met by Laura’s lips on hers. Usually the blonde wasn’t one to show her affection so publicly -not that she had to bother after the whole winter carnival debacle, but she’d always been a little cautious in school._  
  
_“Wow…”, the brunette looked around and caught some guys staring. Her arching eyebrow made them look away, “Uhm… What was **that** for?”_  
  
_“Okay so get this…”, Laura animatedly talked on and on about something, but Carmilla’s gaze was fixated on her lips, “… You aren’t even listening to me!”_  
  
_“What? No! I- Of course! I **always** listen to you, sweetheart…”_  
  
_“Really? What was I talking about then?”_  
  
_“Soccer.”, the brunette didn’t even need to guess. She really did hear that word somewhere in between Laura licking her lips for the first and second time._  
  
_“Ugh, you wanna go make out in your car now, right?”, Carmilla immediately began laughing out loud._  
  
_“Gosh, you know me so well.”_  
  
_Laura let her gaze wander around, before taking her girlfriend’s hand and leading her outside of the school, “Let’s go.”_  
  
  
  
_“Can I tell you about my super huge news now?”, the blonde was on top of the other girl, trying to catch her breath._  
  
_Carmilla played with a strand of blonde hair and let the other hand that was resting on Laura’s hip inch up under her shirt, “This is so much more fun.”_  
  
_“I’m not gonna do **that** in our school parking lot again! Mr Richter looked so disturbed after he’d caught us!”_  
  
_“You weren’t even naked!”, the dark haired girl reasoned._  
  
_Laura’s eyes were growing wide, “But your hand was in my pants!”_  
  
  
_“Fine, tell me.”, Carmilla mumbled and got kissed for her obedience._  
  
_“Sooo… My soccer coach just talked to me and she had huge news! There’s a scout coming for me in my next game! From freaking St. James! Can you believe that? They want **me** to play on their university soccer team! Me!”_  
  
_The brunette smiled a bit, before rising up, at least a bit to indicate that Laura had to move from on top of her. Laura straddled her lap in the process and they were looking at each other intently._  
  
_“Why aren’t you more excited?”_  
  
_“No- I am excited! I’m really excited for you. It’s just…”_  
  
_“I know, you’re not so much into sports, but you could at least-”_  
  
_“This isn’t about me hating soccer. It’s about us.”_  
  
_Laura frowned and untangled herself from the other girl, and leaned back into the seat, “What is it?”_  
  
_“Earlier this week I met with that college application lady and we went through some of the universities I was interested in and St. James is definitely not one of them… Also there is actually a specific one I want to go to really badly…”_  
  
_“So? We said we’d make it work, right? I didn’t really think that we’d really end up at the same uni anyway.”_  
  
_“Yeah, but I don’t think you were anticipating a whole different state either.”_  
  
_“What are you even talking about?”_  
  
_“I applied in Phoenix and Mrs Turner said I had good chances to get in with my GPA. I mean, mine’s not as good as yours, but I’d really like to go there, if I get accepted.”_  
  
_“Phoenix as in the capital of Arizona?”_  
  
_“Yeah… But the probability of me getting in there isn’t that high anyways...”, Carmilla immediately threw in._  
  
_“If Mrs Turner says something, then it’s most probably gonna happen. She’s been doing her job for a long time. Most of my friends from last year’s senior year are in the university she told them they would get into… So, I think congratulations are in order... Congrats on going to fucking Arizona.”_  
  
_Laura was exiting the car after that little outburst and made her way to whatever fucking class she was having._  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“Can you at least let me explain?”, Carmilla asked of the other girl._  
  
_“What’s there to explain? Tell me, Carmilla? What can you possibly say about the fact that you apparently don’t love me enough to include me into your fucking life decisions!”_  
  
_The dark haired girl closed her eyes, “Please, please, please hear me out?”, Carmilla was kneeling in front of Laura, while she was looking down from her seated position on her bed. The brunette had her hands on her thighs, and was gently pressing down to get her attention._  
  
_Laura wiped at the underside of her eyes, clearly not being comfortable with the other girl seeing her cry, “Go on. Explain this.”_  
  
_“Stop crying… It makes me want to cry too.”, Carmilla asked of her._  
  
_“Then you shouldn’t have made me cry!”, they both locked eyes for a moment, before the brunette just decided to look away._  
  
_This would be easier._  
  
  
_“Okay… So… As a kid, when I didn’t really understand any of that… I always wanted to be just like my dad. I wanted to copy everything he did. My mom would find me posing with anything resembling to a cigarette and I remember how furious she always had been. I was his little girl, I felt connected to him more than to my mother… And he didn’t talk about much, but he had this huge smile on his face whenever talking about college and how he met that Austrian exchange student in Arizona and I wanted that same experience all my life. I wanted to share that with him. My dad was a huge freaking asshole, but I…”, Carmilla frowned upon herself, “This must sound so exorbitantly stupid to you… Actually it also does sound dumb for me. I already have you. I’m not going there to meet the love of my life or anything… But just the fact that I have always wanted to go there, he wanted me to go there…”_  
  
_“But the fact that you have me doesn’t mean anything to you. Our love means **nothing** to you.”_  
  
_The brunette closed her eyes and visibly deflated, “Please don’t say that…”_  
  
_“It doesn’t! You’re basing off your college application from that little girl you were. You are not five anymore, Carmilla! Your daddy issues don’t have a place in our relationship.”_  
  
_The moment she said it, she regretted it, her eyes flew shut and her brows furrowed. Carmilla’s hands were immediately gone._  
  
_“I didn’t mean to say **that**.”_  
  
_Carmilla scoffed coldly, and clicked her tongue, “But you did. You fucking did.”_  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“Carm?”, Laura whispered into the night, as she climbed into the brunette’s bed._  
  
_“What are you doing here? Your dad’s gonna kill me, when he finds you here.”, if Carmilla hadn’t been sleepy, Laura was sure she would have kicked her out physically because of what she had said earlier._  
  
_The blonde was extra clingy and kissing her neck from behind and holding her tightly, “I’m sorry for saying what I said earlier.”_  
  
_“Can’t your apology wait? I’m trying to sleep here…”_  
  
_“Do you forgive me?”_  
  
_“Noooo…”, Carmilla grumbled and closed her eyes tightly._  
  
_“Carm…”, the pout was audible, “I’m not gonna leave, until my **awesome** , **totally hot** , **really intelligent** girlfriend forgives me.”_  
  
_“Oh god. You’re so annoying.”, Carmilla turned around to face her, “If I forgive you, are you gonna stop doing that?”_  
  
_“Doing what?”, Laura let her hands trail down from their position around Carmilla’s neck._  
  
_“Laura, your hands are on my boobs.”_  
  
_“Oh right, sorry.”, the blonde sheepishly replied and moved them to her neck again._  
  
_“And I meant coming in here and disturbing me in my deep slumber.”_  
  
_“Say it.”_  
  
_“Say what?”, Carmilla sighed._  
  
_“Say you love me and that you forgive me.”_  
  
_“I love you and I forgive you.”, the dark haired girl finally relented._  
  
_“Really?”_  
  
_“I solemnly swear.”_  
  
_“You have totally read Harry Potter.”_  
  
_There was no response to that, for Carmilla the conversation had ended and she rolled over again._  
  
_“Where’s my good night kiss?”_  
  
_Knowing that the blonde wouldn’t let her sleep unless she did, what was asked of her, she turned her head a bit so that Laura had access to her lips. The blonde gave her a peck and settled back down in the bed, spooning Carmilla from behind._  
  
_“What are you doing?”_  
  
_“I’m getting to sleep.”, Laura replied, as if it was the most logical answer ever._  
  
_“Here?”_  
  
_“Yep.”  
  
“We are gonna get through this, right?”, Carmilla asked, while playing with the hand that was resting on her stomach, now more awake.  
  
“I don’t even know, if I get into St. James. Maybe I’ll just go to Arizona with you.”  
  
The dark haired girl smiled, and took Laura’s hand to place a kiss on it, “I love you.”_

 

* * *

  
  
“Perry, they really feel sorry about the kiss.”, Laura was lying on her bed while talking on the phone and staring at the ceiling.  
  
“I know, but it’s not enough.”  
  
“But you guys love each other, right?”  
  
“Sometimes love isn’t enough, Laura.”, the redhead on the other side of the line said thoughtfully.  
  
It stung, because the blonde knew, how true that statement was.  
  
“But you can’t just throw it away… Just like that.”  
  
“I am not throwing away anything. If anything LaFontaine did throw away everything. Do you know how that feels like? I trusted them.”  
  
“But they decided to tell you. They could have just lied, but they knew that they could lose you over this, but they still told you. It was just a silly little kiss.”  
  
“How long until it’s not only a kiss anymore, hmn? Do you think I want to just sit here, having to fear for them to make that into more than just a kiss?”  
  
She had a point there. Laura understood her, but still had hope in them. If not in her own relationship (or lack thereof), then in them. They were so good for each other.  
  
“But you both can fix it. I get that from over there it’s a bit hard, but when you come home for Christmas, everything’s gonna be more personal and maybe-”  
  
Perry interrupted her, “I am not coming, Laura.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’m not coming home for Christmas. My dad and siblings are coming here actually. There… Was a change of plans.”  
  
“Perry, if this is about LaF-”  
  
“I just can’t deal with all of that right now, okay? I need space.”  
  
Laura sat up in her bed and drove a hand through her hair. She hadn’t known that it was that bad.  
  
“You two broke up over this…”, it was more of a realization than a question.  
  
“Yes. We are not together anymore.”  
  
“Is LaF- Are they okay?”  
  
“It’s not really my concern anymore.”  
  
  
  
The call ended some minutes after that and Laura made it her number one priority to make sure her friend -most importantly Carmilla’s best friend- was alright.  
  
  
**Laura** (7:23pm): hey Carm, I know you must be busy and all but there is an emergency: Laf and Perry broke up. call them as soon as you get this. I think they would want to hear from you. good night.  
  
  
The blonde hadn’t awaited an answer, but went straight to bed. In the morning she woke up to a text from Carmilla, but not really anything worth replying to.  
  
**Carmilla** (10:29pm): Thanks, I’ll call them right away. Hope you’re okay. Good night.

 

* * *

  
  
**Facebook**  
  
**Laura Hollis** was here: _St. James University and Campus, New York_  
  
(Picture of Laura being kissed on the cheek by Wendy. The background indicated that it was some college party.)  
Caption  
**Laura Hollis** I hate beer. Beer makes me do weird things.  
  
**Wendy Michelle** commented on _Laura Hollis_ picture.  
**Wendy Michelle** We are a nice couple.  
**La Fontaine** I ship you two  
  
  
Carmilla shut her laptop close with a bang.  
  
So that’s how easy it had been for Laura. _Unbelievable._  
  
The brunette could do the same. It was just as easy for Carmilla too.  
  
She had not even been away for more than three days. _Three fucking days.  
_

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla was walking home with Caroline from their latest study session in the library. The dark haired girl studied the other girl closely, before just deciding to go with it.  
  
“Do you think I’m attractive?”  
  
_Oh yeah. You’re so good at flirting._  
  
The blonde stopped in her tracks, “What?”, she grinned. _Good_. There was a chance.  
  
This was so easy. _Absolutely_. If she were a little more smooth. Carmilla asked herself, how she did that in high school.  
  
“Well I’ve been sensing some sorta vibes between us and I was just checking.”  
  
“In that case. Yes, Carmilla. You are not so bad.”  
  
The dark haired girl narrowed her eyes, “Seriously?”  
  
“Mhmm.”, Caroline bit her lip in a very seductive way, and then continued, “If you wanted to go on a date with me, all you had to do was ask.”  
  
“No!”, the blonde’s eyes went wide, “Well, not _no_! I mean-”, Carmilla buried her face in her hand, “God, why is this so hard? How do people even get themselves dates?”  
  
“How did you do it in the past couple of years?”, they started walking again.  
  
“I haven’t really dated. I mean, I have, but uhm I had a long-term girlfriend.”  
  
“Ahh, and now I’m starting to wonder how you snagged her.”  
  
“Oh I don’t know either. You haven’t seen her.”, the brunette chuckled, before she caught on the things she’d said.  
  
_Dating rule #1: Never talk about the ex!_  
  
“Fuck! I’m messing this up aren’t I?”, Carmilla frowned and came to a halt, the blonde doing the same. They were nearing Carmilla’s dorm.  
  
Caroline just shrugged, “There isn’t much to mess up here.”, that got the other girl’s attention, “Well… To answer your question truthfully: Yes, you are attractive and I have had more than friendly feelings for you. But: I am not looking for love or anything and you are not ready for love, so…”  
  
“So what are you saying?”  
  
The blonde just leaned in to place a good night kiss on Carmilla’s cheek and shrugged.  
  
  
“The ball’s in your court or something.”, Caroline called over her shoulder, as she walked away.  
  
  
That sentence sounded so much like something Laura would say.

 

* * *

  
  
“Is that everything?”, Will asked his stepsister, as he carried the last of the cardboard boxes into the small one-bedroom. (Small meaning her bed- and bathroom at Karnstein manor combined were almost as big as this whole apartment, but she needed her own place near the campus.)  
  
“Yep. My life packed into ten boxes and two suitcases.”, Laura replied a little out of breath.  
  
“Are you gonna be okay here?”, the boy asked the girl that looked around the place like she was seeing it for the first time.  
  
“Yes. My dad gave me a bag full of bear spray.”, Laura replied gesturing to one of her suitcases.  
  
“No, I meant if _you_ are gonna be alright… You never lived by yourself.”  
  
The blonde quirked up an eyebrow- something she picked up from a certain someone (how annoying)- “Before my dad married your mom I was practically living by myself.”  
  
Will nodded, clearly caught up by his own thoughts. He knew the feeling. Even though he mostly had seen his mother during school time. He figured those years had been hard on Laura.  
  
“Well then, I’ll go, let you do your girl things or something. Call sometime yeah?”, he leaned in to hug Laura.  
  
“Aww... Are you gonna miss me?”  
  
Will got out of the embrace and put on the jacket that had been resting on the counter of the little kitchen isle, “Of course. I’m the only kid that lives at home now. I always thought that I’d be the one to leave that god forsaken town first.”  
  
“But you have someone there now. And you go to school there. It’s good for you.”  
  
“I know…”, the boy replied with a smile, “See ya later, Hollis.”, he waved and turned to leave.  
  
“See ya.”

 

* * *

  
  
“I need to talk to you…”, Carmilla sighed and looked at the redhead that was sitting opposite to her.  
  
“Sure, shoot.”  
  
“You can’t tell Laura though. Promise me.”  
  
Danny frowned, but nodded nonetheless, “Just because she is my best friend, doesn’t mean I have to tell her everything.”  
  
“So you’ve met Caroline, right?”  
  
“Did you finally make a move on her?”, Danny asked -not at all surprised apparently.  
  
“What? How...?”  
  
“Oh c’mon, she’s been pining a little.”  
  
“She has?”, okay that surprised Carmilla now.  
  
How could she have been so oblivious to that?  
  
Danny just smirked and shook her head, “So what did you want to talk about?”  
  
“I actually just wanted this to come off my chest. I think I’m kinda going on a date with her tomorrow?”  
  
The redhead hummed, “Are you and Laura over for real?”  
  
Carmilla laughed out bitterly, “Trust me, she made it clear that she doesn’t want me.”  
  
“But have you told her what you want?”, Danny asked directly.  
  
She knew her best friend and she knew her ~~new friend~~ _Carmilla_. She knew Carmilla and she knew them both together.  
  
“How do _you_ even know what I want?”  
  
“How can I not know? The whole entire universe knows by now. Because you clearly care enough for her to wanting me to keep this a secret, so… And this is out of character for you. Why would you need assurance from me for wanting to go on a date?”  
  
“I wasn’t looking for any assurance or anything, for your information.”, Carmilla replied nonchalantly.  
  
“She still asks about you when we talk. Every single time. There is something, Karnstein and if you are not up for this anymore, then go ahead. Date Caroline, do whatever, but don’t assume things about Laura without having heard her point of view.”  
  
“Laura was being crystal clear about it. She told me she wanted to be friends and just that.”  
  
Danny cocked her eyebrows in skepticism, “Alright, if you say so. Then, yeah you made it easier on yourself with plainly believing her.”  
  
Carmilla didn’t understand how this whole conversation got turned around so quickly.  
  
However she still was thinking that what she was doing, was the right thing.  
  
Moving on it was. Moving on and moving further with Caroline. _Yep.  
_

 

* * *

  
  
Laura had Wendy over at her new apartment after class. Both had ordered some food and were now buried deep in a fort of blankets, trying to figure out the blonde’s heating system.  
  
“Haven’t you checked everything, before moving in?”, the dark haired girl chuckled, before snuggling further into the blonde, who was trying to get ahold of someone at the company that apparently had set up the heater in that flat (in vain).  
  
“I kinda was happy that I found something in this price range actually.”  
  
Wendy shrugged, “Well now you gotta freeze to death.”  
  
“Yeah well, there are worse ways to go.”  
  
Laura’s arm got pinched for that one, “You are not gonna die on me. Just come closer, let’s share the heat.”  
  
  
The blonde did what was told her, occupied with trying to write an email to the company.  
  
  
“Hey Laura?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Your girlfriend’s away right?”  
  
Laura met her gaze, “I don’t have a girlfriend. Carm and I aren’t together anymore.”  
  
“Well yeah, but are you guys fully through now?”  
  
The blonde blew out air and smiled sadly, “How can I move on, when she’s the one I want?”  
  
Wendy sighed, “Yeah that- I get that.”

 

* * *

  
  
“Is that your idea of a first date?”, Caroline smirked and leaned in to claim the brunette’s lips again. They were in Carmilla’s dorm room, the door just had closed behind them.  
  
“I could of course offer you food or drinks… Oh and I would offer you a tour, but you’ve been here before and there isn’t much to see.”  
  
“I’m pretty positive that I haven’t seen everything yet…”, Caroline drawled suggestively and tugged on Carmilla’s sweatshirt. The dark haired girl gulped.  
  
Okay _this_. She could do this. This was mindless.  
  
The brunette led the other girl to her bed and hesitated a little, because a picture of Laura on her bedside table caught her eye.  
  
“Is something wrong?”  
  
Carmilla shook her head, “Nope! Everything’s fine. I’m just…”, she leaned down and distracted Caroline with her lips.  
  
  
In midst of their doings, Carmilla had managed to turn the picture of her ex-girlfriend away.  
  
Moving on was good. And Caroline was too. There was no place for feelings in her heart.

 

* * *

  
  
“Are you okay?”, Laura asked LaFontaine, who was currently shoving down one pizza slice after the other.  
  
“Stop asking me that L. I am great. Besides, it’s your birthday, or almost your birthday… Just chill.”  
  
The blonde looked around the place she had been calling home for the past week.  
  
“Okay… Are you busy tomorrow? Or do you wanna come to the Karnsteins’? There is gonna be a big birthday meal.”  
  
“The Karnsteins’? Since when is it not your home anymore?”  
  
Laura shrugged, “It never was my home to begin with. It just felt like it for some time…”  
  
LaFontaine knew that there was something going on between their best friend and the blonde, but hadn’t dared to ask. (And actually they were a little preoccupied with their own personal-life-drama.)  
  
“I would love to, but I have to finish some assignments… But hey…”, the redhead gulped, “Perry and I made you a gift in summer… So that’s from her behalf too…”, they gestured towards the wrapped gift that was resting on the small kitchen table.  
  
“Thanks… I’ll be sure to call her after opening it tomorrow…”  
  
LaF nodded and both got lost in their own thoughts…

 

* * *

  
  
**Perry** ♥ (12:00am): Happy Birthday Laura! I hope you like your gift! Lots of love from Italy :)  
At least someone knew their time zone. She managed to write exactly at 12 sharp.  
  
**Laura** (2:32pm): thank you so much! just woke up and you were the first one, as always ;) get some of that italian sun to me please!!!  
  
**Perry** ♥ (8:33am): It’s cold here too, don’t worry ;)  
  
  
**LaF** (4:23am): HBD!!! Have a good one, L!  
**LaF** (4:24am): (attached photo) Sooo tired.  
They had sent her a picture in a white lab coat.  
  
**L.K.** (8:35am): hahaha thanks and eww why are you in the lab so early???  
  
**LaF** (8:37am): Because duty called and btw I still have you saved under L.K.  
  
**L.K.** (8:43am): what does k even mean?  
**L.K.** (8:44am): nevermind got it. get over it laf. we're not getting back together.  
**L.K.** (8:44am): and even if: she would totally take my name!  
**L.K.** (8:45am): not that we are ever getting married or anythign...  
  
After sending that message she sent out some replies to the others that had congratulated her.  
  
Carmilla’s name was not among them.  
  
Even Sarah Jane and Natalie had written her, even though they weren’t that much in contact with her anymore. Both of them were in California now.  
  
  
There wasn’t much to do in her apartment, so the blonde decided to get ready and drive back to her hometown. Her family was awaiting her anyway.  
  
  
  
  
“Happy birthday, Laur!”, Greg greeted his daughter that just had exited her car and picked her up in a hug.  
  
“Dad, I would like to experience my next one too… You are suffocating me!”  
  
The man let go and apologized, “It’s just… You don’t live home anymore and…”  
  
Laura went past him and got rid of her thick winter coat, before entering the house, “I’ve been away for a week.”  
  
“I know, I know. You kids don’t really have that sense for family… _Yet._ Just wait until you have kids...”, the man said with a pointed look.  
  
“Yeah… You can wait _a long time_ for that to happen...”, Laura mumbled.  
  
  
“Laura! You’re heeeere!!!”, Veronica exclaimed and stepped in to hug her stepdaughter.  
  
“Oh my god, I was away for one week you guys…”  
  
“Are you upset? Why are you upset? It’s your birthday!”  
  
“Yeah well… Turning nineteen isn’t _that_ much of a big deal…”, the blonde looked at Veronica suspiciously, “Is something up? Why are you all so cheerful?”  
  
“Why aren’t _you_ is the question.”, Will chuckled and also embraced his stepsister, “Not a good day today?”  
  
Their parents made their way to the kitchen to prepare a proper meal, while Laura cocked her head towards her car outside, “Come help me get the laundry.”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
  
“Has she called you?”, Will asked the blonde once they were inside again.  
  
“Who?”  
  
Of course she knew who he meant.  
  
“My dear sister?”  
  
“Ahhh… Well Carm never was one to be on time. She probably will hit me a text later.”  
  
  
She didn’t.  
  
And for the first time Laura spent her birthday in misery.

 

* * *

  
  
**Facebook**  
  
**William Karnstein** uploaded a new picture.  
**Laura Hollis** was tagged on _William Karnsteins_ picture.  
  
(Picture of Will and Laura posing beside a heap of gifts.)  
Caption  
**William Karnstein** This little one turned 19 yesterday! HBD :)  
  
**Laura Hollis** we look like partners in crime. twinning and winning totes!  
**William Karnstein** We look great :D  
**Gregory Hollis** Why did you crop me out of the picture?  
**Laura Hollis** hahahha dad! :S  
  
  
Carmilla scrambled out of bed.  
  
_FUCK, FUCK, FUCK._  
  
She had forgotten Laura’s birthday. She had- How could that have happened? She had it in her calendar. She- The dark haired girl tried to think of something.

 

* * *

  
  
“Where are you going for the holidays?”, Carmilla asked the blonde that was sitting next to her in the yet empty lecture hall.  
  
“My parents have a house in Tucson… So huge Christmas family gathering it is for me.”  
  
“Oh so you really are from Arizona?”  
  
It was so odd that Carmilla almost did know nothing about Caroline.  
  
“Yeah, what are you up to? Going home for the holidays again?”  
  
“Yep going home.”  
  
“Are you looking forward to that?”  
  
“I kind of am. I left important people back at home, you know?”  
  
The blonde nodded hesitantly, “Yeah and are you going to see _those people_?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
Caroline’s features softened, “What we are doing isn’t only bound to steamy hook-ups. You can talk to me about _her_ , you know that right?”  
  
“I don’t think I feel comfortable talking about _her_ with anyone actually.”  
  
“Will you at least gonna tell me her name some day so we don’t have to refer to her as _‘her’_?”  
  
Carmilla just averted her gaze and waited for the lecture to start. She didn’t have the head capacity to deal with that right now. Caroline did understand. She didn’t mention that in any of their other conversations again.

 

* * *

  
  
“Perry thank you so much for the present. You guys… Never has anyone made me a scrap book.”, it had been a couple of days since her birthday and this was the first time the redhead had some time to call Laura back.  
  
“Of course. I knew you’d like it.”  
  
“Yeah I love it.”, Laura was looking at the picture of her and Carmilla at senior prom.  
  
They looked happy in that picture. She remembered the night like it had been yesterday. It almost was one year ago. Their senior prom had been in January.  
  
“Sorry that there are so many pictures of you and Carmilla… But back then... You two were still together and we actually thought you would never break up anyway...”  
  
“No actually it’s nice seeing us like this. I almost don’t remember us that way.”  
  
“What way?”  
  
“Happily in love.”

There was a moment of silence, before Perry spoke up again.

“Are you two in contact? I mean, do you hear something from her in a regular basis?”  
  
“No I don’t. The last time we talked…”, Laura remembered that it had to do with LaFontaine and Perry, “Was just a single text two weeks ago.”  
  
“Wait… So she didn’t call for your birthday?”  
  
“Nope. Radio silence. I mean I get that people forget. I mean, we’re not dating and I guess we both need some space and all, but I had expected at least a text or something. Even if it had been a day later or I don’t know…”, the blonde groaned, “I am being weird about this, right? This isn’t that much of a big deal, right?”  
  
“Don’t feel bad about feeling like that Laura. I understand you fully. It hurts when people you love the most forget about you.”  
  
“Yeah… I guess it does.”  
  
Laura felt a heavy tug on her heart.  
  
This was tearing her up more than she liked to admit.

 

* * *

  
  
“You forgot her fucking birthday?!”, Danny looked furious.  
  
“Yes…”, Carmilla sighed. She had anticipated this. The ginger giant was Laura’s best friend after all.  
  
“How could you? Did you at least talk to her about it? Make up excuses about being busy or something?”  
  
“Well… Uhhhh… I kind of haven’t really… Talked to her?”, the brunette admitted.  
  
Danny covered her face with her hands, “Oh my god, no… Wait…”, she looked up, “Did you call me here to help you coming up with a good excuse?”  
  
“Noo… I actually thought of getting her something really great for Christmas and her birthday. Some great combined gift… And you know her the best.”  
  
Danny cocked her eyebrows, “Oh really? You dated her for two years almost.”  
  
“Yes, but everyone gets to know someone differently. You gotta know things I don’t. Just like you don’t know certain things that I do know of.”  
  
“Yeah like for example how she looks naked.”, Danny chuckled.  
  
Carmilla met the redhead’s eyes and furrowed her brows, “I was talking about something like _being allergic to birch trees_ , but uh-”  
  
“Oh I knew that one!”, the redhead stated smugly.  
  
“Can we go back to this now?”  
  
“Right, right. Come on, tell me what you got.”

 

* * *

  
  
Laura was waiting anxiously at Newark airport.  
  
One month had passed since they last had seen each other and talked properly.  
  
In that one month a lot had happened. She had her own place now. And Carmilla had forgotten about her birthday.  
  
(Not that she was about to make a big deal about it. It was more the fact there never came an explanation or apology or the plain fact that they hadn’t talked.)  
  
  
“Laura…”, it was Carmilla’s raspy voice that got the blonde out of her stare into distance.  
  
“Oh! You’re here!”  
  
“And you’re here.”, was the surprised reply.  
  
“Yeah… Uhm, your mother couldn’t come and Will is at school still… So that left me.”  
  
“You shouldn’t have- I could have taken a cab.”  
  
Laura arched an eyebrow, “There are many things you do to avoid me, hmn?”, the blonde said it jokingly, but there still was a undertone to be perceived.  
  
Carmilla did know her well.  
  
And she wished this wouldn’t be so hard.  
  
However it was hard. There was no hug this time. There were no pleasantries exchanged. It was like two people that barely knew each other. She had screwed this up. Ever since Laura had her girlfriend or whatever she was, Carmilla had been extra distant. And then the thing with Caroline happened, so she felt guilty (not that she needed to, because clearly Laura was not either) and then the absolute thing happened, when she had forgotten about Laura’s birthday.  
  
  
  
  
“How’s everyone?”, Carmilla asked, once they were on their way home (after some very long minutes of silence).  
  
“Great. But you would know, because you kept in touch with almost everyone.”, Laura glanced over to her passenger’s seat.  
  
She wasn’t even being subtle about it. The dark haired girl shrank in her seat.  
  
“Okay look, Laura-”  
  
Just in that moment Carmilla’s phone rang and after checking the caller ID, she excused herself.  
  
  
“Hey cupcake, what’s up?” _Cupcake._  
  
Laura looked to her right and saw how the dark haired girl concentrated on the spot in front of her.  
  
“Nono, I was about to call as soon as I got home… Yeah… My stepsister picked me up…”, Laura tucked away that sentence and didn’t really listen to the rest. Carmilla had referred to her as her stepsister, which she understood, because the whole thing was weird to explain, but still.  
  
Carmilla hung up and explained, “Sorry… It was a friend from uni.”  
  
  
Okay, actually she wasn’t lying.  
  
They really were friends.  
  
Friends. With benefits.  
  
  
Laura didn’t know if she should believe her, but she had other concerns. Carmilla was being distant to her, but this _cupcake_ couldn’t have been the reason for it, could she? **Cupcake.** Carmilla had even called Perry _the cupcake_ sometimes, when LaF got furious about all of her other nicknames for the redhead.  
  
  
“Where was I?”  
  
Laura shrugged, “I don’t know what you were gonna say. There is a lot that you could say.”  
  
Carmilla groaned, “Can you stop being so passive aggressive already?”  
  
“I’m not passive aggressive. I’m stating facts here, Carm.”  
  
“But you’re saying them so…”  
  
The blonde waited for something, but nothing came. Instead she was graced with silence again.  
  
  
_Like I needed more of that…_  
  
  
“I’m sorry that I haven’t kept in touch… And I know I fucked up when I didn’t call on your birthday…”, the brunette started.  
  
This was a good start, right?  
  
“So you did know that it was my birthday… Interesting. And where was I when you called to say sorry you forgot or to tell me that you were busy or I don’t know just checking in to see, how I was? I must have missed it.”  
  
“I know, I screwed up but I didn’t want to get into the middle of… And I also kind of forgot, which is bad, I know!”  
  
“In the middle of _what_ , Carmilla?”, Laura put her car into park, because obviously they were standing in front of the home they had been sharing in the past two and a half years now.  
  
“Well… You and your life…” _And your girlfriend._  
  
“I never would have been too busy for you Carmilla. But that’s what you wanted right? Away from here. Away from home… **Away from me**. Being busy with everything else.”, Laura scoffed and got out of her car and almost ran towards the front entrance. Carmilla was following her. The bags could wait in the car.  
  
“Excuse me??? You were the one that- That- You said we should be friends! And friends don’t have to check in for everything!”  
  
“But friends keep in touch. Friends talk about everything! Friends don’t forget their friend’s birthday. Best friends don’t do that.”  
  
Carmilla blinked, they were still in front of the house, staring down at each other, “Danny is your best friend.”  
  
“You know what I mean…”, suddenly Laura’s voice was calmer and softer. She looked hurt.  
  
Up until then she looked furious, angry, callous and indifferent. And now she was broken, torn, hurt. Carmilla had hurt her.  
  
“I’m sorry…”  
  
Laura just shrugged silently, “Get your bags out of my car.”, she said, before walking into the Karnstein manor.

 

* * *

  
  
“You’re such a moron. How could you forget your _girlfriend’s_ birthday?”, Will chuckled in Carmilla’s direction.  
  
“Shut up! And help me pick out flowers for her!”  
  
“Why am I here again?”, Danny asked, while Kirsch was busy going through his phone to look up Christmas gifts in amazon. He had forgotten to get his younger brother something. Not that any of his family members cared. They hadn’t seen him in more than three months, so his presence was enough, but he still was a big brother to Kirsch #2.  
  
“Because your puppy dog dragged you along?”  
  
“Oh right.”  
  
No, they totally didn’t just hang out without purpose ( ~~as usual friends would do~~ ).  
  
  
  
“I don’t get though why you got her something like that. You’re never here to do that with her anyway.”, Carmilla’s brother said in her direction, as they made their way home again (without the two tall idiots).  
  
“What? No, this… This is a gesture of good faith or something… Like… I’m giving her my blessing. It’s for her and her girlfriend.”  
  
Will shot her a quick, confused glare, “What girlfriend? What are you even talking about?”  
  
“That girl that hangs out with you all the time with that stupid name.”, the brunette elaborated.  
  
Right, because that was such a fitting description of her. The girl with the pretty eyes.  
  
“You mean Wendy?”, Carmilla nodded, “Kitty, she isn’t remotely Laura’s girlfriend.”  
  
“I saw the pictures. I’m not delusional.”  
  
“Yeah… Wendy is a little into Laura, we’ve established that a long time ago, but they are friends. Those heart eyes you are talking about, are just them being goofy.”  
  
“Wait, wait, wait… So they aren’t together?”  
  
“No. She still isn’t over you.”, Will rolled his eyes.  
  
How could those two idiots be so blind when it came to each other?  
  
“Fuck!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I thought-”, the dark haired girl covered her face with her left hand, “I’m such a fucking idiot!!!”  
  
“Oh don’t worry. I’m sure Laura would love to go on a romantic getaway with you.”, the boy winked in his twin sister’s direction.  
  
“Trust me she wouldn’t…”, Carmilla said dryly.  
  
“Are you still worried that she’s gonna be mad after getting her Christmas/birthday gift?”  
  
“That’s not it Will… But I kind of have someone…”  
  
The boy looked to his right with wide eyes, “As in a new girlfriend?”  
  
“No, not really a _girlfriend_ , it’s nothing serious… But- If she finds out, she’ll never speak to me again, right?”  
  
“Wow… I never would have thought that you’d be the first to get someone new.”  
  
“Will… What do I do? Do I tell her and risk hurting her? Or do I just ignore that, and spend some days in peace?”  
  
Her brother only shrugged, “I don’t know.”

 

* * *

  
  
Laura had a night shift on the 24th of December.  
  
Which was a bad thing in itself, but then all those customers came and she had to stay back until 2 in the morning.  
  
So long story short: Driving back to her hometown was a little inconvenient, but she had packed all her stuff into her car before going to work, so it wasn’t that bad. That year was a good one anyway. They hadn’t experienced any big snowstorms yet. The roads were clear and everything went according to plan.  
  
Laura arrived home at 3 am in the morning on Christmas day.  
  
The moment she entered her bedroom she was surprised to find a big bouquet of lilies (one of her favorite flowers) on her desk. She approached it suspiciously and just then noticed the note resting beside it.  
  
_‘Merry Christmas Laura’_  
  
That handwriting… There was no doubt that it was from Carmilla.  
  
However the blonde decided to let it rest on her desk. She wasn’t ready yet to open whatever that was. For now she just wanted to hit her cushions and sleep away all of it.  
  
  
  
Laura woke up fairly early for the fact that she went to bed so late. However it was Christmas and no one should sleep through that day.  
  
(Maybe the smell of fresh pancakes and bacon was a good motivation too.)  
  
In the bathroom she ran into the stepsister aka ex-girlfriend.  
  
_Awkward._  
  
“Hey… Uhm, sorry, I can-”, the blonde stumbled over her own words, but Carmilla shook her head.  
  
“I’m done here. The bathroom’s all yours.”  
  
“Cool.”  
  
The brunette stood there for a good ten seconds, just staring, before nodding to herself, “Yeah… Cool… I’ll just…”, she gestured behind herself.  
  
Laura didn’t really see that anymore, because she was already busy putting toothpaste on her toothbrush.  
  
  
  
  
The dark haired girl was sitting at the breakfast table and trying to figure out if Laura had gotten her present or not. It was pretty visible (those flowers were hideous).  
  
“Merry Christmas.”, the blonde came into the picture and Veronica, who stood closest to her stepdaughter wrapped her up in a hug.  
  
“Laura, thank god! You have to help me today with the cookies.”, the older woman said.  
  
The blonde chuckled, “Sure.”  
  
“Why didn’t you ask me?”, Carmilla took great offense in that. (She was _her_ mother!)  
  
“Because you, my darling daughter, are useless in the kitchen, just like Greg.”  
  
“He makes decent mac and cheese though.”, Laura felt like defending her father.  
  
Veronica laughed out loud, “You mean the box-version?”  
  
“Speaking of dad…”, the blonde sat down with a plate of pancakes, “Where is he?”  
  
“He went out with Will to get some more groceries for the fest meal. Is Wendy coming, Laura?”  
  
Carmilla looked up from her empty plate in the blonde’s direction, “Ohh… No, she is at home. Celebrating with her parents. I mean, she’s only 50 minutes away, but she said she won’t come back before the fifth of January.”  
  
“Yeah, Will said Tara wasn’t here either. Well… It’s just the family then!”, Veronica sighed and stepped closer to the table, where the two girls were sitting and doing anything but look in each other’s direction. (At least without the other one noticing.)  
  
  
“Did you two already open your presents?”, Veronica asked and both girls shook their head, “Okay, we can do that after lunch, if you wanted to?”  
  
“Sure. I’m in no rush.”, Laura replied, while shoving yet another fork full of pancake-y goodness with maple syrup.  
  
“Great! Oh, that reminds me of something…”, the eldest woman mumbled to herself and left the two girls by themselves.  
  
  
“Did you get the flowers?”, the dark haired girl asked and Laura regarded her with eye contact for the first time.  
  
“Yeah… Uhm… Thanks?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
Laura squinted her eyes, “Are those for Christmas or were they meant to be an apology?”  
  
Carmilla clicked her tongue, “The flowers are an apology… And the other thing is your Christmas present and birthday present combined or something…”, the brunette looked directly at the other girl, “Have you opened that yet?”  
  
“The envelope? No haven’t. I thought we could do it together? You know… You open my gift for you and I open yours?”  
  
That caught the brunette by surprise, “You got me something?”  
  
“Of course.”, Laura said it as if it was the most normal thing in the world (maybe because for her it was).  
  
“Yeah… We could open them together… Maybe not with the family though…”, Carmilla said rather quietly and just in that moment Veronica walked in. Laura resumed with eating and observed the other girl for a few more seconds than necessary, but then a faint smile was splaying on her lips.  
  
Maybe Christmas wouldn’t be as terrible, as she painted it out to be...

 

* * *

 

_Dear Laura,_

_You know me the best. I’m not so good with the feelings thing. But I always was good with my words on paper (you’d always say that)._  
  
_So let me try, yeah?_

_I’m not even gonna ruin this letter by saying sorry for all the times I hurt you while I’m away, because that’s not why I’m writing you this letter._

_I’m writing to let you know how much of an impact you’ve had on me. And you never believed me, when I told you so, so maybe you will start to get it, when I write this down.  
  
Hell, even my mother says you changed me for the better._

_You changed me, because you were worth it for me to change and I want you to know that._

_Thank you for letting me feel this way. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for sticking up for me, whenever I doubted myself and most importantly: Thank you for loving me enough to let me go._

_It’s Christmas and that’s always been the time of giving and spending time with loved ones, so I wanted to give you this. I wanted you to see yourself from my point of view, because you are so worth seeing._

_You’ve been my sun for a long time (still are), and I never want you to change. Not a thing._  
_You’re the fleck of light in a cold and lonely night (that rhyme was intended)._

_And whenever you feel like there’s a distance between us, it’s because I put it there, and yes, this is the only thing I will apologize for in this letter. The reason for me to do it, is simple. I want you too much for you to only be something I cannot have, so naturally -the stupid girl I am- I push you away and I know, it doesn’t get us anywhere. Especially not me, when I know how miserable I make us both feel with that._

_I will try to better myself in that matter. I’ll try to call more often, I’ll try to send you more texts, I’ll try to facetime you again once a month, because actually even when I don’t keep in touch with you, I still care. I will always care, because you have always been important to me._

_Carmilla  
  
  
_ Laura looked up from the letter and found Carmilla studying her intently.  
  
This was all Carmilla could manage. This was how she could convey the words _‘I love you’_ without writing the phrase out.  
  
  
“Finished…?”, the brunette asked hesitantly.  
  
Laura smiled broadly and leaned forwards to hug Carmilla, “That’s all I needed, you fucking idiot.”  
  
“Thank god! You don’t hate me anymore...”, she sighed dramatically.  
  
The blonde sat back on her heels again and rolled her eyes, “I could never hate you.”, she took the box that was resting beside her and handed it over, “C’mon, open mine!”  
  
“There’s more in the envelope though…”, Carmilla looked at said thing on the floor, but took the box into her hands nonetheless. She shook it a little, before ripping open the wrapping paper, while Laura got out the rest of the present.  
  
“Is it money? Cause I could use some.”, the blonde giggled, while opening the card.  
  
Carmilla looked up to study her face, “If I had known you’d want money, you should have said so, because that thing was fucking expensive.”  
  
Laura furrowed her brows, “A coupon for a weekend getaway with your loved one at the Ferryman Inn?”, the blonde met Carmilla’s gaze, “What is this, Carmilla? If it is a sick joke, I swear to god-”  
  
“Noo! I actually meant to do something good for you and y’know you could take _whoever_ … I mean it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to take a girl or whatever- Ugh… It doesn’t help it... The truth is, I thought you and Wendy were together… And I wanted to show you how cool I was with everything!”  
  
“ **WHAT?** ”  
  
Carmilla shrugged and a smile was tugging on her lips, “I know, I’m an idiot.”  
  
Laura shook her head, but started smirking too, “Yeah, you really are.”

  
“Now open mine.”, Laura urged the other girl, who complied.  
  
Carmilla opened the lid of the box that was wrapped- Why the hell was that box wrapped in extra paper?  
  
However, when her eyes scanned the thing that was in the box, they grew wide.  
  
“You made me a scrap book?”  
  
“Yeah… I got the idea from Perry. She and LaFontaine made me one for my birthday… And then I wanted to do something special, because you’re in Arizona and I can imagine that you get homesick sometimes, so this is something that should remind you of all of us. I even went through some photo albums in the attic… I hope you like it.”  
  
“Thank you… This is amazing…”, Carmilla opened it and went through some of the pages, but Laura stopped her.  
  
“You get to read that back in Phoenix.”  
  
“Okay.”, Carmilla grinned -seriously grinned- and put the book aside to properly envelop Laura in a hug, “Thanks, this means so much to me.”  
  
It did. Laura put all this effort and work in. Even though Carmilla showed her the opposite, even though she hadn’t made any effort.  
  
And for what? Because she thought that Laura was moving on. She hated social media. No wonder the divorce rate was so high…  
  
_Fucking technology._  
  
“Hey, you know that you’re important to me too, right? Always will be.”, Laura whispered into her ear, making her spine shiver.  
  
“I know sweetheart, I know.”  
  
And if she didn’t, she did now for sure.  
  
This was good. They were both all smiles and giggling. And Carmilla was feeling so good, and at the same time so, so guilty.

 

* * *

 _  
  
_ “Officially we kinda got together on this day two years ago.”, Laura said to Danny while observing Carmilla talking to LaFontaine in the other corner of the room they were in. It was a little New Year’s party at Danny’s with some of their old friends and a bunch of LaF’s new college mates, as well as Laura’s. They just needed people to fill the house with.  
  
“Yeah… I remember you two vanishing.”, the redhead said with a pointed look.  
  
“And I remember you bawling your eyes out in the bathroom.”, the blonde nudged her best friend’s upper arm with her shoulder (height difference and all).  
  
“Whatever. And that same guy I cried over now lives with me and we’re both happily together.”, Danny said with a frown, as if it was something bad.  
  
“Oh, not so much enthusiasm please…”, Laura said sarcastically.  
  
“No, you got it wrong… I just meant that we didn’t anticipate it… I thought between all of us, you and Carmilla would be the ones to still be together. _Don’t tell her I said that._ ”  
  
“Sure… And who knows… Maybe there really still is a chance… She’s trying to be better with all of this.”  
  
Danny looked at the blonde skeptically (she knew about Carmilla’s fling with Caroline and doubted that Laura knew too), but she couldn’t tell Laura about it.  
  
“Yeah… Who knows…”  
  
  
  
“So that was J.P., huh?”, Carmilla smirked knowingly, “Good catch… Gotta say.”  
  
“Yeah- No- We aren’t-”, the redhead started, but got interrupted..  
  
The brunette shrugged, “At least you have good taste in comparison to Xena.”  
  
“There is nothing going on between us.”  
  
“Clearly.”  
  
LaFontaine sighed, “Mhm, just like between you and Laura, right?”  
  
  
Carmilla locked eyes with them, “I did something...”  
  
“Did what?”, the Science major was lost on that one.  
  
“I kinda slept with that one girl… More than once and- It’s nothing serious, but still…”  
  
“Wait, what??”  
  
“Shut up! You are drawing attention...”, the brunette looked around and smiled in Laura’s direction. The guilt was eating her up.  
  
“Does Laura know?”  
  
“Of course not!”, Carmilla replied with wide eyes.  
  
“Yikes.”  
  
“This is gonna blow up on me, right?”  
  
“Sooner or later it is, yeah.”  
  
Carmilla took a sip of her drink and deflated more into the couch.  
  
  
  
“Are you having fun, Creampuff?”  
  
Laura hadn’t heard Carmilla call her that so frequently since the early stages of them dating, and it kind of was heartwarming.  
  
“Yeah, you?”  
  
“Mhm... It’s so amazing, how time flies by. We’re almost done with our first semester of university. Can you believe that?”  
  
Carmilla dragged her tongue over her lips -not consciously- but still it didn’t fail to make the blonde blush and look away.  
  
Laura creased her brows and cleared her throat, “Uh yeah… I know, it’s like totally weird.”  
  
“So much has changed… You have your own place -which by the way I’m still pissed that I didn’t get to see it- and you even have a job!”  
  
Laura chuckled, “Right, I’ll show you some time, when you’re here for more than ten days.”  
  
“This is good, right? We’re good?”, the dark haired girl needed reassurance.  
  
“Yeah…”, the blonde didn’t know when it had been true the last time. No fights, nothing. “Real good.”  
  
  
  
“Come on guys! Let’s take pictures!”, Laura exclaimed, “Uhh, but someone lend me a phone, because mine’s about to die.”  
  
Carmilla handed hers over and let the lackwits take pictures. She even promised to send them into their group chat, when she got home.  
  
“Come on, Carm!”, Laura gestured her over to get into frame.  
  
“Absolutely not.”  
  
The blonde excused herself and approached the other girl, “Please, for _me_?”  
  
Ugh, of course she had to put on _that face_ , Carmilla rolled her eyes.  
  
How could she still fall for that trick? _So entirely gone._  
  
“Okay fine, but just for one picture, yeah?”  
  
  
She ended up being in all of them.

 

* * *

  
  
Laura woke up with a massive headache and the need to empty the Atlantic Ocean into her stomach… Or maybe rather not with the whole salinity and whatnot. Slowly, _very, very_ slowly she dared to open her eyes and immediately wanted to say out curse words for the sun’s audacity to burn holes into her retina. (It was winter, why was that thing so… **Sunny???** )  
  
The blonde stretched out in her _really_ big bed and- Suddenly she felt something behind her. Or rather a _someone_. She turned around immediately and was greeted with Carmilla, who was sleeping soundly.  
  
  
“Oh fuck no!”  
  
“What?”, the brunette opened one of her eyes.  
  
“We- You- Are in my bed!!!”  
  
The brunette moved the blanket a little, “Fully clothed, Laura.”  
  
Laura checked and she too was fully clothed (even with her boots on- sigh, those sheets were white!).  
  
“Oh… So nothing happened?”  
  
Carmilla shook her head sleepily and closed her eye again, “I just got you into bed and you kind of begged for me to stay with you because you saw stars and wanted to puke or something and I didn’t want to leave you to yourself in that state either.”  
  
“I didn’t even drink _that_ much!”, Laura protested.  
  
“You didn’t, but we stayed at Xena’s place until 4 am and no offense, but you are tiny.”  
  
The blonde turned around and checked her phone. It was full of messages.  
  
  
**LaF** (10:41am): L, can you send me the pictures?  
  
  
“Carm?”, the other girl didn’t react, “Carm I need your phone… You have all the pictures.”  
  
“Now? Ugh…”, without opening her eyes she handed out her phone and turned over, “You know the passcode, just do it yourself.”  
  
Of course she knew, but it was a surprise that Carmilla hadn’t changed it. It was the date of their school dance. The day they first kissed.  
  
It was cheesy and melted Laura’s heart all over again, but she wasn’t allowed to swoon just yet.  
  
She made plans to talk to Carmilla about a long distance relationship.  
  
They couldn’t just ignore their blatantly obvious feelings for each other anymore.  
  
  
**1 - 1 - 2 - 7**  
  
  
Laura got into the text message app and wrote LaF back from Carmilla’s phone.  
  
  
**Karnstein** (11:12am): hey LaF its me. gonna send you all the stuff from Carms phone, coz I don’t really have any pics anyway.  
  
**Gingersnap** (11:13am): Talking about yourself in third person, huh? ;)  
  
Laura only rolled her eyes on that one. She knew that they were aware of the fact that it was her.  
  
The blonde went straight to Carmilla’s photo roll, and what she found there let her heart skip a beat -and not in the good way.  
  
  
  
  
“Hey… What are you doing up? Shouldn’t you be sleeping off your hangover or something?”, a sleepy Carmilla walked into the living room, where Laura was sitting on the couch and staring off into distance.  
  
The blonde hummed, “Yeah I should. Couldn’t though.”  
  
That got the brunette’s attention, she moved to sit opposite to Laura on the armchair, “Is something wrong?”  
  
“You freaked out over a harmless picture of Wendy and I and now I’m wondering what I ought to do.”  
  
Carmilla frowned, “What are you talking about?”  
  
“You shouldn’t give your phone to your ex-girlfriend -that by the way still is in love with you- when you’re gonna have pictures of yourself kissing some girl on it.”  
  
_Oh god, no._  
  
The dark haired girl’s eyes flew shut, and she exhaled deeply, “I can explain-”  
  
“Oh screw you and your explanations Carmilla. You always have great explanations for everything, don’t you? Just-”, Laura was smiling, but it wasn’t warm, “Really, what we’ve established now is that _I_ am the fucking idiot. _I_ am stupid for ever thinking that-”, the blonde stopped herself.  
  
“That what? Thinking _what_?”  
  
“Nothing… What does it matter now? You have a girlfriend. Didn’t take you long. _You must’ve loved me a lot._ ”  
  
“Don’t say that. Don’t you dare denying my love for you! I don’t owe anything to you, and by the way, it’s just sex.”  
  
Laura scoffed and got up, not being able to bare being close to the other girl now. She rounded the couch, so there was more distance between them, “You fucked her. Yeah, that’s making me feel _so much better_ now. Thanks so much! As if the image of you kissing wasn’t enough already...”  
  
Carmilla stood up too, “Laura, the only reason for this picture to exist on my phone is you telling me that you wanted to be friends.”  
  
“I told you that because _you_ seemed to want that!”  
  
“I never did! You broke my heart! I was hurting and then I saw that fucking picture on facebook and might have thought too much into it.”  
  
Laura’s eyes went wide, “So you’re justifying your actions with that? Really?”, she drove a hand through her hair, and closed her eyes to recompose.  
  
Carmilla hated herself for finding her beautiful in that moment, because that hurt all the way more. The dark haired girl tried to remember exactly why that picture was on her phone. She never took it. Caroline might have sent it to her some time. She didn’t even remember that.  
  
“There’s nothing going on between us.”  
  
Laura opened her eyes again and her stare was hollow now, “You know what? I don’t care. It’s your life.”  
  
“Laura…”, Carmilla tried to stop the other girl from running upstairs, but the blonde flinched away.  
  
“Don’t you dare touch me.”

 

* * *

  
  
“Are you and Laura fighting?”, Will asked his sister, who only glared at him for the question, “Because the flowers we got her… I found them in the trash… And usually Laura-”  
  
“Cut it out.”  
  
“Oww, that bad?”  
  
“She found out, Will.”  
  
He needed a few seconds, until his eyes grew wide, “Fuck.”  
  
“Yup.”  
  
“And now?”  
  
Carmilla sighed, “And now nothing. She’s not talking to me… And my flight’s in a few hours…”  
  
“She’ll come around. I mean, you have to understand her. You’re kind of her first love and-”  
  
The girl scoffed, “And she is mine… I’m so fucking stupid… _So, so_ …”  
  
Will placed his hand on his sister’s shoulder, “Hey, don’t beat yourself up about it. Things… Happen. Just give her some space.”  
  
“I’m going away for 6 weeks this time. What if…”  
  
“You guys were fighting about you forgetting her birthday too. What did you do that she forgave you so easily? Maybe get her a trip to somewhere again.”, Will jokingly said.  
  
Actually she could. Her trust fund allowed it, but she had a better idea.  
  
“The _letter_ … Will, you are a genius!”  
  
“I know…”, he didn’t know why, but he liked his sister complimenting him.  
  
  
  
Veronica knocked on Laura’s door (even she had sensed that something wasn’t right), “Laura, honey? Carmilla’s leaving. Did you want to say good bye?”  
  
There was nothing to be heard from the room. The mother sighed. It was easier, in the first weeks of their junior year. She never would have thought that.  
  
  
  
“Sorry darling, but I think Laura isn’t feeling so well.”, the mother said to her daughter, who stared at the staircase for a long time, before averting her gaze to her brother.  
  
“Give her the letter, Will.”  
  
“I will.”, he made a mental note to give Laura some space, before doing so though.  
  
“I’ll see you soon, and keep an eye out for her.”  
  
“I know. I promised you I would, didn’t I?”  
  
Carmilla remembered what she had asked of her brother the first time she flew out to Arizona.  
  
“Let’s go, Carmilla.”, her mother opened the front door.  
  
The brunette nodded and leaned in to hug her twin, then stepped away and followed her mother to her car. When she looked up, in direction of her bedroom window, she could see Laura staring down. She’d never seen her so aloof and distant.  
  
The dark haired girl exhaled deeply, before looking away.  
  
She just hoped the letter would help a little.

 


	4. Valentine's Day Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe sometimes a little space is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's so exciting that season 3 of Carmilla is filming. I'm stoked. And the cast and set- DROOL.  
> Enjoy!

**Flashback**  
_Junior prom at Silas High._  
  
  
_“I can’t believe that you are dragging me to a school event tonight…”, Carmilla groaned, before fixing her lipstick._  
  
_Ugh, why did she have to use such a dark color? Laura wanted to kiss her all the more, but it would be a hard to do so without anyone noticing, because then everyone would know **what** they had been doing, because it would be all over her -not that that was a problem, but still…_  
  
_“Hey… It’s kind of nostalgic… I kissed you for the first time at our junior prom. See it as our anniversary…”, the blonde intertwined her fingers behind Carmilla’s neck and placed a chaste kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek, who turned her head a little and wanted one on her lips, but Laura dodged that._  
  
_“Carm, your lipstick’s gonna be all over my mouth.”_  
  
_“I want it to be on every inch of your body…”, the brunette whispered seductively and tried again. Laura felt a familiar tug somewhere down there… And the feeling of that girl’s lips on her neck and her cheeks and-_  
  
_“Carmilla, stop.”, she tried to be strict, but failed, when leaning into the sensation, “We have to go… Soon…”_  
  
_“No one’s gonna notice us not being there…”_  
  
_“Our friends are gonna notice… Kirsch said that he’ll pick us up!”, finally Laura managed to regain some of her self-control and shoved Carmilla away gently and turned to check herself in the mirror, “You got your lipstick all over my neck!”_  
  
_Carmilla chuckled, “Mhm… Looks good on you.”, she pinned Laura to the counter with both of her hands resting on it and looked over Laura’s shoulder into her eyes. She had been extra affectionate lately. Laura knew why. They were avoiding **that** topic. There was a thin line that was not allowed to be crossed, by either of them. Both tried to keep their happy little bubble intact for a little while longer._  
  
_The blonde had been offered a full scholarship at St. James and that meant she was most probably not going to go to Arizona with Carmilla._  
  
_The dark haired girl hadn’t talked about Arizona, but the blonde knew that she most probably got in._  
  
_Several seconds passed and Carmilla watched Laura wipe at the reddish stains with a wet facial tissue, before asking for her sole attention once more, “Hey, look at me.”_  
  
_Laura, who had been busy cleaning herself up, looked at Carmilla’s reflection that softened when they locked eyes and shot her a questioning glare, “What’s up?”_  
  
_“You look absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful.”_  
  
_The blonde turned around again, wipe still in her hand and arched an eyebrow, “Are you saying that now because you mean it or because you want to have sex with me?”_  
  
_Carmilla chuckled, “A: **If** I wanted to have sex with you, I could, **easily**. I’m just respecting your choice not to ‘let our friends wait’, and B…”, the brunette drove her hand through blonde locks, before finding Laura’s eyes again, “I meant it. You are a goddess.”_  
  
_The blonde blushed a little, although both weren’t sure why exactly (A and B both had the capability of making her blush.). Suddenly Laura was cradling Carmilla’s face and wiping the lipstick off her lips with the tissue in her hand._  
  
_“And what exactly are you doing there, my love?”_  
  
_Laura threw away the used wipe and leaned in, “I want to kiss you now so, so badly.”  
  
“Oh, I love that.”_  
  
  
_They did make Kirsch wait.  
  
  
*  
  
  
Laura’s head was resting on Carmilla’s right shoulder, while both of them observed a group of teenagers swaying in high school style on the dance floor.  
  
“My grandmother would die of an heart attack, if she ever saw **that**.”, the brunette remarked.  
  
The blonde lifted her head off the other girl’s shoulder and crunched her brows, “What do you mean?”  
  
“The grandmother that is from Austria… My mother’s mother… Every Karnstein ever to live has been taught to dance properly. If she saw that…”, she cocked her head towards the crowd, “… She’d make me move to Europe to her sister just to prevent me from becoming like them.”  
  
“She sounds charming.”  
  
“Oh, you would actually like her. She would fill you up with sweets and-”  
  
  
“Hey yo, how’s it going?”, LaFontaine unceremoniously plopped down onto a chair next to Carmilla. Perry sat beside them.  
  
“Hey guys!”, Laura greeted the couple and then noticed the big smile on the science nerd’s face, “What’s up with **you**?”  
  
“I got into the science program I’ve been talking about since like forever!”  
  
Carmilla’s eyes grew wide, “In New Haven?”  
  
LaF nodded, “New Haven, baby.”  
  
“That’s so cool!”, the blonde exclaimed, and nudged Carmilla, who was just plainly sitting there and saying nothing.  
  
“So that means you two are gonna be separated soon. You are gonna be in Connecticut and your curly counterpart is going to Italy.”, the dark haired girl finally uttered.  
  
All three pairs of eyes snapped to her, LaF frowned, “Well yeah, but we are gonna get through this. There is skype and late night phone calls and holidays spent together and-”  
  
“This isn’t as easy as you paint it out to be.”, Carmilla insisted.  
  
“Carm, can I steal you away for a bit?”, Laura chimed in and didn’t even wait for the brunette’s answer, but dragged her away.  
  
  
  
  
“What the hell is wrong with you?”, the blonde asked once they were outside, where a cool wind hit them.  
  
Carmilla immediately got rid of her leather jacket that she was wearing (much like the last dance she had been to) and put it around her girlfriend’s shoulders. She even took the time to fix Laura’s hair that had gotten stuck under the piece of clothing and then met the blonde’s gaze.  
  
Laura was looking at her expectantly and Carmilla couldn’t hold her gaze, so she turned around and opened the top buttons of the white shirt she was wearing.  
  
**It** was suffocating her.  
  
  
“Carm?”  
  
“This isn’t gonna work.”  
  
“What isn’t?”  
  
Carmilla turned around again and there was something in the way she tilted her head and the way her eyes looked tired and wary.  
  
“What is it? What’s up? Talk to me, Carmilla!”  
  
“You’re going to stay here and I’ll be away and-”, she stopped abruptly, not knowing what else to say.  
  
“So that’s what this is about?”  
  
“I can’t be the hold up- You can’t just wait here, you can’t just wait for me to come back home to you. I can’t let you put your life on hold for me. I can’t ask you to do that.”  
  
“You won’t have to ask me to. I’ll do it! LaF’s right, you guys will be home for the holidays and-”  
  
“This isn’t gonna work, Laura.”  
  
Laura licked her lips, blinking away any surfacing tears that might ruin her eyeliner, “Okay, can you please relax? We don’t even know yet if-”  
  
“If what? If you’ll take the scholarship? You and I both know that you will.”, Carmilla gave the other girl a pointed look.  
  
“Okay fair enough, but we don’t have to talk about that yet… This- We are far away from that. It’s only November.”  
  
“We can’t ignore this issue forever.”  
  
Laura tentatively got closer to her girlfriend, taking her hands into hers, “Just look at me for a sec.”, she commanded softly. Carmilla lifted her gaze to be able to look into the face that she fell in love with. The lips that grew to be her most favorite thing to kiss, the eyes that held so much passion in them for her. Slowly the blonde raised Carmilla’s hands to her mouth and placed a kiss to them, “We don’t have to talk about that right now, okay? Not tonight… Just…”, she looked back to the entrance of the gym and decided that she didn’t want to go back to the dance anymore, “Do you wanna get out of here?”_

_“But you wanted to come here… We haven’t even been here for an hour.”  
  
“I know, but I’d rather be alone with you now. Plus there’s senior prom.”  
  
Carmilla nodded hesitantly, “Yeah… Okay.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
The girls silently sat across from each other at Laura’s favorite coffee place (the one that had the best pies). Some people had looked at them weirdly, because they were a bit too formal to be sitting in a place like that, but they were occupied with their own thoughts anyways.  
  
“Wanna have a bite?”, Laura offered, but Carmilla shook her head with a tiny smile.  
  
“No, thanks. I’m good with my coffee.”  
  
The blonde didn’t like the awkward silence between them, so she got up and gestured for Carmilla to scoot over in her booth, so that she could sit beside her. After that she resumed to eating again, with her left hand placed gingerly on the brunette’s knee and drawing unknown patterns with her index.  
  
  
“Sure you don’t want any?”, Laura asked again, holding a forkful of apple pie in front of Carmilla’s nose. The dark haired girl finally relented and opened her mouth.  
  
“How come you always can eat sweet things?”  
  
Laura shrugged, “Good genes or something?”  
  
When the blonde looked in Carmilla’s direction again, she noticed some crumbs on the corner of her mouth, so she did the most logical thing: She leaned in and licked it off (which surprised the brunette).  
  
“Sweetheart, there are people watching.”  
  
“I don’t care.”, Laura smiled and leaned in again for a quick peck.  
  
Carmilla reached up and stroked the blonde’s cheek with the back of her left hand, “We have to eventually talk about Arizona, you know that...”  
  
Laura sighed, “I know, but we said, we’d figure it out, right?”_

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla looked at the scrap book in front of her. She hadn’t dared to open it yet. A few days had passed since she’d been back in Arizona. Classes hadn’t started yet, so she didn’t even have any time to distract herself.  
  
Caroline had called a few times, but she had told her off every time. She couldn’t still be doing this and she didn’t know how to explain that to the blonde. To her luck she wasn’t a lunatic or anything. She was pretty laid-back and would probably understand everything, but with that there would be the questions and Carmilla was not ready to answer them yet.  
  
  
The brunette finally opened the first page. It showed a picture of herself as a baby.  
  
Of course it would be one of the pictures she was naked in.  
  
_‘Here we see a naked, one-year old Carmilla rolling on the floor or something… I wouldn’t know, because I wasn’t around. I mean, if we’d known each other back then, phew Carm… You are sooooo hot. (Wait, is it creepy that I’m looking at a baby picture of you naked? ~~Because~~ Not gonna write that down.)’_  
  
The note Laura had written down made Carmilla smile broadly -for a while at least. Until she remembered that Laura was 2000 miles away, and most probably going to resent her the rest of the days or something (god, she hoped that that wasn’t the case).  
  
Although… Laura hadn’t really tried to get in touch. Even though Carmilla had written her a letter. Was that letter not good enough?  
  
Should she write another one? Should she call? Should she text?  
  
Carmilla couldn’t believe how pathetic she’d become.

 

* * *

  
  
The brunette had fallen asleep while studying for her midterms. At 10pm! So basically she had become the nerdiest nerd. Only her phone’s shrill ringtone woke her up- Which by the way- She swiftly got her cell out of her pocket and checked the caller ID.  
  
_Laura_  
  
Her heartbeat was up in a second. She was calling her. Which was weird, because it was about 1 am on the east coast. Carmilla picked up immediately.  
  
“Laura? Are you alright?”  
  
“Shhhh- She picked up! Hey Carm!”  
  
The dark haired girl was confused, “Are you alright?”  
  
“Sure am. I’m super great…”  
  
“Uhm…”, Carmilla didn’t know what to respond to that.  
  
“Fuck, I miss you.”, okay there was no doubt now that Laura had drunkenly called her. _Great._  
  
“Sorry?”  
  
“You don’t right?”, there was a bitterness in her voice now.  
  
“Laur, where are you? Who’s with you?”  
  
“As if you’d care.”  
  
The line went dead and Carmilla immediately called back.  
  
She actually hadn’t anticipated Laura to pick up, but was surprised when that happened.  
  
  
“Hellooo?”  
  
“Laura, where are you?”, Carmilla tried not to sound like a controlling _whatever,_ but her concern made exactly that evident in her voice.  
  
“Carm!!! You called me!!!”  
  
“Yeah… I did… Hey listen, can you do something for me?”  
  
“You know I would do _anything_ for you. I’d even die for you.”  
  
Carmilla exhaled deeply, she couldn’t believe that she was having this kind of conversation with the blonde, while she was drunk.  
  
“Hey, sweetheart, can you please tell me where you are?”  
  
“At this bar.”  
  
“What bar?”  
  
 “The one beside my apartment.”  
  
“Okay… Is someone with you?”  
  
“Yeah… There’s Fred and John and this other dude that I don’t know the name of-”  
  
“Laura, did you go there alone?”  
  
“No, of course not. I went with LaFontaine. They are here somewhere.”  
  
“Okay, good.”, the brunette was relieved, “Please don’t drink so much yeah?”  
  
  
“How do you do that?”  
  
“Do what?”  
  
“Move on so easily. You’re moving on and I’m here… Left behind. How did you unlove me so easily? Did you ever really love me? Because I really loved you -I still love you, but pshhh don’t tell Carm…”, she giggled, and if the circumstances were different, Carmilla would melt right then and there.  
  
“Do you think I moved on? I didn’t. I still think about you every single day.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“I have to go now.”  
  
Carmilla exhaled, “Home?”  
  
“Yeah, I think I need a nap before I can drink more.”  
  
“That’s a great idea. Get home and rest.”, the brunette responded, finally a bit more relieved.  
  
Laura wouldn’t drink after having a nap. Her drunken self was a little illogical sometimes, she knew that.  
  
“Okie, dokie. Bye Carm. Thanks for the call. You don’t know how much I’ve waited for that to happen. You never call anymore.”  
  
Again something that tugged on the brunette’s heart. Laura really was miserable without her.  
  
  
The probability of Laura remembering the call wasn’t high. It didn’t matter though, Carmilla would remember for the both of them.  
  
  
That call got her into thinking about what she had done.  
  
How broken must Laura have been, when she was feeling so shitty?

 

* * *

  
  
“What’s up with you?”, Caroline asked, while plopping down on the seat beside Carmilla in the cafeteria.  
  
“What are you talking about?”, the brunette asked cluelessly, even though she kind of knew what she was referring to.  
  
“You’ve been avoiding me, and I’m not saying that in a stalker-way. I’m saying that as your friend. I’m worried.”  
  
Carmilla sighed, “My ex found out.”  
  
“Found out what?”  
  
The dark haired girl looked at Caroline in a specific way and she understood, “Oh… _Oh!_ Uhm… How did she take that?”  
  
“Not well? Can’t you imagine?”  
  
“Yeah, sorry that was a dumb question…”, the blonde played with the label on the water bottle in front of her, “That’s why you’ve been avoiding me? Because I wasn’t expecting anything from you, you know that, right? I get that whatever we had has to end.”  
  
“That’s the point. It wouldn’t help either way.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“She kind of isn’t talking to me… And it’s a little more complicated than usual love stories… I have to see her all the time when I’m home.”  
  
Caroline creased her brows, “What? I don’t get that last part.”  
  
“Yeah, you wouldn’t get that… I haven’t told you the whole story yet.”  
  
“Okay…”, the blonde tilted her head, “So, tell me.”  
  
Carmilla exhaled deeply, before continuing, “Sooo… Remember the stepsister I told you about?”  
  
“Lauren?”  
  
“ **Laura** , yeah… She kinda is also my ex.”  
  
“Wait… What? The blonde on the pictures in your room? That’s your ex?”  
  
“Yeah…”, Carmilla poked the pudding in front of her with the fork in her hand.  
  
“Wow, that’s messed up.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“I’m sorry. This must be hell for you… But now I don’t get why you broke up.”  
  
Carmilla nodded faintly, “We broke up because I came here. There was no other reason. I just didn’t think that a long distance would be good for us. We decided it together. I didn’t know that it would be this hard without her. I don’t even know anymore if breaking up was the right choice. This feels much worse than only being physically away from her. At least she wouldn’t hate me. At least I’d be happy with her while at home.”  
  
“I’m so sorry.”, the blonde nudged the other girl, “Heey, this- You can fix this, right? I’m not responsible for the end of your relationship, right? There is hope for the dream couple, right?”  
  
“More like _star crossed lovers_ currently.”, Carmilla chuckled darkly.  
  
“There is the snark that I love, bring it Karnstein.”, the brunette looked miserable, “Oh c’mon, if I need to get down there and talk her into taking you back or whatever, I’d do that for you.”  
  
“You’re great, you know that?”  
  
Caroline squinted her eyes, “What is this? You trying to get me to fall for you now?”  
  
Carmilla was elbowing her, “Shut up. Don’t flatter yourself.”

 

* * *

  
  
“Laura you drunk-dialed Carmilla when we went out.”, LaF said to their friend, who closed her eyes and huffed out loudly.  
  
“What…?”  
  
“Yeah… I meant to tell you earlier, but I kinda forgot and I just remembered.”  
  
“Do you know what I said to her?”  
  
“No clue, you wouldn’t tell me, you just said that you called her. Or she called you, I don’t know.”  
  
“I’m pretty sure, _I_ called her. There’s no way in hell or Hogwarts that she’d call me. Not even now. Not even though she’s the one, who fucked up.”  
  
“Okay, but just because she slept with someone else, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you, you know that right? You two aren’t together. So technically that can’t even be counted as cheating. She’s like that… I told you she does dumb things sometimes. I know her a little longer than you.”  
  
“Yeah well… I wouldn’t know, because she didn’t even make an effort. She never does. It’s always me. And I’m fed up with that.”  
  
“Maybe for the first time it’s good that you have some distance and space between you. Both physically and mentally. You just gotta figure it out by yourselves.”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
Laura had a hard time believing that. She just wanted to be done with that. Done with the heartbreak.

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla was going through the scrapbook again. She thought of reading one page at a time.  
  
She felt like she wasn’t worthy of all the nice things that Laura wrote in there.  
  
There was a picture of Carmilla sitting on a tricycle. She probably was about 3 on that picture.  
  
_‘Here we see a little Carmie -seriously I love your sister for those nicknames, whenever Will annoys me I call him Willie. That gets to him.’_  
  
The note was somewhat unnecessary, but seeing Laura’s loopy handwriting still made Carmilla feel a little closer to her ex-girlfriend.  
  
How pathetic was that?

 

* * *

  
  
**Are you sure you want to deactivate your account?**  
Deactivating your account will disable your profile and remove your name and photo from most things you've shared on Facebook.  
Some information may still be visible to others, such as your name in their friends list and messages you sent.  
_Your 212 friends will no longer be able to keep in touch with you._  
  
Carmilla filled in the things that were required and deactivated her facebook account.  
  
This was how all of that had started.

 

* * *

  
  
Laura was looking at the letter Will had handed her a few hours ago. She came ‘home’ to do laundry and now was graced with an envelope with her name on it.  
  
_Oh god._  
  
She couldn’t just cave in like the last time, so she decided to read it later. She knew that Carmilla had her way with words, if she only wanted to.  
  
However that also would automatically mean that she cared…  
  
Laura shook her head, she could not be _that_ girl now. She had her right to be mad for a little bit longer.  
  
(Not that she was mad, or resentful towards Carmilla.)  
  
What kind of love was that? She couldn’t even hate the brunette for the thing she did.  
  
Laura was simply hurt. Her heart got broken and she wasn’t sure how or if it could be fixed.

 

* * *

  
  
Two weeks had passed and there still was nothing. Laura hadn’t tried to contact Carmilla -well not again, and more importantly in a sober state.  
  
Maybe she hadn’t gotten- There was no doubt that Laura had received the letter. Will told her that he had given it to her. At first she had been a little mad, when her brother had told her that he had waited with giving their stepsister the letter, but she did understand.  
  
  
**Morticia** (3:32pm): Has Laura by any chance talked about me? Or mentioned something?  
  
**Xena** (3:54pm): Nice try, but if you aren’t girl enough to ask her yourself, then I can’t help you. I’m on her side here.  
  
**Morticia** (3:55pm): YOU told me that I should go DO WHATEVER I want with Caroline  
  
  
Danny read the message. Carmilla was right somehow. Danny was Laura’s best friend after all. She could have prevented it. If she had pushed a little more… The redhead decided to do something very dumb: call Laura and clear the air.  
  
And the fact that she did it more for Carmilla than for Laura, surprised her. She convinced herself that she just wanted Laura to be happy. It couldn’t be the fact that she genuinely felt sorry for Carmilla- nope.  
  
  
  
“Danny?”, Laura picked up the phone after the second ring.  
  
“Hey… Are you busy?”  
  
“No, uhm- Hey, how are you?”  
  
“Great. Listen… I’m not calling to do some chit-chat. Have you read Carmilla’s letter yet?”  
  
“Why do you know about- She told you…”, Laura sighed on the other line, “If this is you ambushing me into something, I gotta warn ya. You’re supposed to be on my side here.”  
  
“No, I just really can’t hear her sulk around anymore. So if you have something to say to her, just do it Laura.”  
  
“I haven’t read the letter yet, and you can tell her that I will, once I feel up for it.”  
  
“Yeah okay. And hey… For what it’s worth… Carmilla doesn’t feel like that for Caroline.”  
  
There was a pause.  
  
“Like _what_?”, the blonde asked curiously.  
  
“She doesn’t love her… And also, I’m again very surprised that I’m saying that, but don’t be so hard on her. She messed up, I know, but I kind of did have a part there…”  
  
“What do you even mean?”  
  
“Well, she came to me to talk about you and I… I don’t like meddling with things. I’m not like LaF.”, those two never got along somehow, “I kind of didn’t talk her out of it, when she mentioned the whole thing with Caroline and you only wanting to be friends.”  
  
“What? Danny, how could you?”  
  
“I really thought you two were broken up for real. She was so dead sure of that and I kind of believed her. I thought you two really were over.”  
  
Laura sighed, “I guess she didn’t tell you that we slept together when she was here during Thanksgiving?”  
  
“No she didn’t… But uhm… Why didn’t _you_ tell me?”  
  
“I was embarrassed! I feel like I have no self control when it comes to her. That’s kinda also the reason why I still haven’t read the letter. She has this one part of me that will love her no matter what she does or whatever happens and I’m so scared of it.”  
  
“You two really need to be locked up into a room and talk about your feelings.”  
  
“I’ll read the letter soon.”  
  
  
  
**Xena** (4:19pm): She hasn’t read your letter yet. She said she will, when she feels ready. Just give her some space, jeeez.  
  
**Morticia** (4:25pm): Ok, thanks for asking her  
  
  
  
Danny didn’t really remember many moments in which Carmilla felt the need to thank her, so she relished in that.

 

* * *

  
  
“Have you asked your sister, when exactly they have semester break? I heard their schedule is a little different to ours.”, Veronica asked her son.  
  
Laura was mindlessly playing with her phone, when that topic caught her attention. They were all in front of the TV, doing some family bonding (every second weekend being the time Laura was back ‘home’).  
  
“She actually said she isn’t really planning on coming.”, Will said hesitantly, while looking at Laura.  
  
“Why? Is she too busy to visit her family now, or what?”, it was Laura’s voice that got both Karnstein’s attention. There was bite in that statement.  
  
“Oh, you know exactly why.”, the boy answered, “And it’s not that I’m on her side, I’m pretty much Switzerland here, but you haven’t even given her a chance by reading her letter… So.”, Laura rolled her eyes.  
  
“Wait, what is going on here?”, Veronica asked.  
  
Laura checked to see, if her father was still away, and when she was certain that he would not return in the next few minutes, she finally answered, “Carm and I got into a fight, but I rather not talk about _that_ right now.”  
  
“You two are constantly fighting ever since she’s away.”  
  
“This time it’s different though.”, Laura said with an exasperated sigh.  
  
“I’m sure you’ll get through this. You always were so good to each other. Whatever she did, she probably didn’t mean to hurt you.”  
  
Laura chuckled, “She’s your daughter. Why are you assuming _she_ did something?”  
  
“I was there to witness you not coming down to say good bye to her. I think if it was the other way around, she wouldn’t have been so sad, when I told her that you weren’t coming down.”, Veronica said to her stepdaughter with a faint smirk.  
  
  
“What are y’all talkin’ ’bout?”, a clueless Greg walked in and sat down between his wife and daughter.  
  
“Nothing, we were just talking about the kids growing up so fast. Can you believe that they are almost finished with their first semester of university?”  
  
“Yeah, I’d rather have a toddler again.”  
  
“They are so cute, when they are little right?”  
  
Will and Laura shared a look.  
  
“Please don’t have a baby. I’d be old enough to be the father of it.”, the boy finally said.  
  
Everyone started laughing.

 

* * *

  
  
“Mattie…”, Carmilla rolled her eyes. Of course her mother had told her sister about her faux pas with Caroline, “I know I’m an idiot. You don’t have to tell me.”  
  
“But you not going home because of what happened is a statement, you know that right? She’ll spin some story in her head, Millie.”  
  
“Why do you even care?”  
  
“Because you are my little sister and I think, I made it pretty clear in the past that I do care for you a lot.”  
  
“But you don’t even like Laura.”  
  
“I don’t?”  
  
Carmilla actually didn’t want to talk about that at all, “Why did you call? Because if it’s only to make me feel miserable-”  
  
“I’m calling because you are useless, when it comes to inter-human relationships.”  
  
The brunette felt the need to defend herself, “Hey! I’m not… I do things…”  
  
“Oh really? And now you’d rather hide out in Arizona instead of fighting for her forgiveness?”  
  
She actually was doing that because of Laura. She was sure, the blonde wouldn’t want her there anyway.  
  
Okay, Mattie did have a point there.  
  
“I still don’t get though why you are so keen on fixing this.”  
  
“I’m not actually. But mother already is sad that I am never around, and now you are starting that too?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’ll think about it. Now tell me, how’s Paris?”  
  
“Oh, it’s wonderful, sis. You should come some time and visit me.”

 

* * *

  
  
Laura was absentmindedly stacking some boxes of ketchup and other things in the back room of the _‘Anglerfish’_ , when Wendy came through the door.  
  
“Hey, my mom told you me, you’d be here.”  
  
The blonde put away the last box, before answering, “Yeah I didn’t feel like talking to customers today.”  
  
“Is everything okay?”  
  
“Sure. Everything’s good.”  
  
The raven haired girl sighed, “You’ve been saying that for a while now and I don’t believe you.”  
  
Laura rolled her eyes.  
  
This. That was the exact reason. That’s why she didn’t want to work with people. They talk.  
  
  
“How was it back at home? Did you have a good time?”, the blonde tried to change the topic.  
  
“Yeah, I did actually. How was Christmas back at home for you?”  
  
Laura stopped in her doings, “It was nice.”  
  
  
“I actually… I have something for you…”  
  
Wendy got something out of the messenger bag that was thrown over her shoulder, the blonde followed her movements with her eyes.  
  
“My grandma makes the best cookies, and I know that you love ‘em, so I got you-”  
  
Laura rushed forwards and grabbed the box, “Ohmigod I love you, you know that?”  
  
Wendy chuckled, “If I had known that food would make you say that, I would have tried sooner.”  
  
The blonde didn’t really register that remark anymore.  
  
Gingerbread cookies were the best thing ever.

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla logged into her student account and checked her inbox.  
  
There had been an announcement that the results would be out soon. She’d studied her ass off.  
  
The girl was mindlessly surfing through the university website, when something caught her eye on the sidebar of the page.  
  
  
**Partner Universities**

  * Upstate - East Coast



University of Social Studies, Boston (MA)  
  
  
Carmilla didn’t even waste time looking through the others, but immediately clicked on the link and downloaded the catalogue for the range of studies.  
  
It was silly to do so, but she still was interested.  
  
Just because it was good to know.  
  
No other reason.

 

* * *

  
  
_Dear Laura,_  
  
_I’m messing up so much that I feel like I have to leave you a folder with apology letters, so that you can read one every time I fuck up, because it seems like lately all I do is fuck up._  
  
_I can’t even determine where to start with my apology, because a simple ‘sorry’ won’t be enough. And complimenting you solely won’t suffice either, because this time I did mess up big time._  
  
_Actually all I wanted to do is explain to you why I did what I did, but the thing is I can’t really tell you the exact reason. All I can say is that I never meant to hurt you with that. I was in pain too you know? I thought you had moved on and I needed something to distract myself with._  
  
_When I thought you were in a new relationship, all there was in me is resentment._  
  
_Not towards you though, like I had expected it. It was towards myself. You were mine, and then in the next second you weren’t anymore. I know that me being possessive at times once was one of the things you liked about me, or loved even._  
  
_I couldn’t believe that I ever let you slip through my fingers._  
  
_It’s funny. I talked to Will about it. When I came home for the first time after being away for three months. It seemed like we had a distance between us. There was a barrier. And then I made the biggest mistake, when I let you push me away._  
  
_I believe that that was it what you did. I don’t mean it in a bad way though, I’m just saying that I get you. You pushed me away, saying we should be friends, because you too were hurting with the way things were, but you never knew how broken the words left me._  
  
_You thought you were letting me off the hook, but I cannot be let off the hook._  
  
_Even though I did something that may make you feel otherwise, I’m still on that goddamn hook. I will probably always be on that thing, because this isn’t closure for me. I can’t just walk away like that again. I want you to understand. I want you to see it from my point of view._  
  
_Maybe you can’t find it in your heart to ever try it out with me again. You probably don’t even want to think about that right now, but I just want you to be in my life again. What I wrote in the last letter was true. I want to keep in touch with you. And you were right. Friends do that, so that’s my proposition: I want to be friends again at least. I’ll try my best._  
  
_However, the first ‘friend’ thing also requires me being completely honest, so here’s what I have to say aside from all of the other things you just read:_  
  
_I’m scared Laura. I’m scared for us to never be like we were before. I’m scared that you’ll one day have someone lying beside you that isn’t such a bad person like me. I’m scared that someone else will see you like I do and that that someone will be better than I am. I’m scared of someone else even looking at you like I do, and you looking back like you once looked at me. I’m scared of someone possessing the heart that once I had in the palm of my hands._  
  
_I’m scared that someday -may it be soon, or not- you’ll love someone more than you once loved me._  
  
_And lastly, I still love you, even if you don’t believe me. Even if you probably feel like I unloved you or whatever, let me be clear here: I love you, Laura Hollis. You and no one else._  
  
_\- Carm_

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla just was on the way to her last class of the semester, when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Even though she was already being late, she got the thing out just in case it would be Caroline again, to tell her that class was cancelled (it had happened before).  
  
The caller ID let her eyes grow wide and she wasn’t sure if she was hallucinating.  
  
  
“Hello?”, the brunette picked up hesitantly and a little apprehensively.  
  
“Hey.”, it was Laura.  
  
She couldn’t be drunk again, could she? It was a little after noon for her.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
“Why are you assuming that I’m not?”  
  
“I don’t know…”, Carmilla sat down on a nearby bench.  
  
Class would have to wait. Laura apparently could read minds.  
  
“Are you in class or something?”  
  
“Nope. I’m free.”, she lied. She couldn’t hang up now.  
  
Laura exhaled, “Okay.”  
  
“Were you hoping for me to be in class?”, Carmilla asked tentatively.  
  
“No! I just- Okay, I admit, there was a small part of me that wished you hadn’t picked up, but not because of the reason you might think of now.”  
  
That got the girl’s attention, “No? Why then?”  
  
“You would have called back -at least I hope- and I wanted _you_ to call _me_ for once.”  
  
Carmilla bit her lip.  
  
“Sorry, that was a dumb thing to say.”, Laura immediately continued.  
  
“No, no. Don’t be. I deserve that. I know, I’m terrible at _that_ , but this time I was giving you space.”  
  
“Yeah, I know. Couldn’t help it though.”  
  
  
“Soo… Why are you calling?”  
  
“I read your letter.”  
  
  
“You know that I meant every word in it, right?”  
  
“I know.”, the blonde sighed, “What is it with you? Why do I believe you so easily?”  
  
“Because I never lied to you, at least not when it came to those things.”  
  
Laura chuckled, and it made Carmilla’s heart beat faster. There was a certain lightness in their conversation.  
  
“Now’s your chance to clear the air, Carmilla. What did you lie to me about?”  
  
  
“For instance when I said, I wanted to be friends with you.”  
  
“Hmn…”, Laura paused, “You know you could have saved me some heartbreak, if you had been honest with me. We could have figured something out.”  
  
“I had it all figured out in my head, Laura. **Everything**. And then you said you’d let me off the hook and I forgot everything. I genuinely thought you wanted it to be over.”  
  
“And then came the pictures with Wendy and you saw red.”  
  
“Yeah. Listen, I didn’t sleep with Caroline because I wanted to get back at you or anything.”  
  
“I know.”, Laura sighed, “She’s pretty by the way. Maybe that’s another reason why I was so upset.”  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous.”  
  
“She is though. I mean, when I saw her I wanted to punch her in the face, but not only because she was attached to your lips.”  
  
“Laura…”  
  
“Right, right. Not the point.”  
  
“Why did you call?”  
  
“I called mostly to talk to you about your letter, but also to tell you to drag your ass home, because I heard that you were planning on staying in Arizona for the break. There absolutely is no reason for you to do so. I don’t have leprosy, y’know.”  
  
“I just didn’t know if you’d want to see me.”  
  
“I might not be your biggest fan at the moment, but this is your home Carmilla. You should come. Your mom misses you.”  
  
“And how long until you forgive me?”  
  
“I came to the conclusion that I don’t really have to forgive you. Technically you didn’t cheat on me. We were broken up. We **are** broken up. There is nothing I have to forgive. I just have to digest that that has happened, and might happen in future, but it’s okay.”  
  
“It won’t. There is nothing going on between her and I anymore.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
  
“So what does that mean now?”  
  
“I don’t really know yet?”, Laura admitted honestly. She didn’t.  
  
“Okay… Are we sort of good again? Because I miss you.”  
  
“Yeah, we’re good.”  
  
“And I can call you again, whenever I want?”  
  
“You want to call me?”, Laura fake-gasped, “ _Intrigue_.”  
  
“Oh c’mon, you know how much I love to hear your voice.”  
  
“Yeh, yeh, yeh. You’re just saying that, because you want to be on my good side again.”  
  
“I literally just missed an important class for you, you dork.”  
  
The blonde was smiling widely, when hearing that, but tried to hide it, when she said, “So you lied again, huh?”

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla was packing up her stuff for her trip back home, when the book Laura made her caught her eye.  
  
She couldn’t take it with her, but she wanted to read one more page in it, before going away. She decided to read one of the later entries, so she closed her eyes and randomly picked out the second to last page. Laura didn’t tell her to read it chronologically.  
  
It was a picture of only Carmilla. It was taken on their graduation day.  
  
_‘My dearest Carmilla, this picture somehow made me tear up because you look so exceptionally beautiful in it that it hurts. I think that’s the best picture I ever took of you. I was so proud of you on that day, you know that? All you ever had to do was finally understand how much potential there was in you and even though it hurt to let you go off to do your own thing in Arizona, I still am so endlessly glad that you get to do what you always wanted. I hope the little girl in you cherishes every moment you’re over there, because she deserves to be happy. You deserve it. You deserve every shred of happiness there is in the world, because you always made sure that I knew I did._  
_In love, Laura.’_  
  
It made Carmilla tear up now.  
  
And she wasn’t sure anymore how on earth she could have left.

 

* * *

  
  
Laura was lying in her bed, mindlessly going through some tacky celebrity gossip magazines (her guilty pleasure on a Saturday afternoon), when there was a knock on her apartment door.  
  
_Weird._  
  
She wasn’t expecting any visitors. The blonde got up and lazily crossed the small living space to the door and opened it.  
  
Her eyes grew wide the moment she saw the person on the other side of the door.  
  
  
“Carm?”  
  
“Hey.”  
  
The blonde furrowed her brows, “What are you doing here?”  
  
“I wanted to surprise you! And I heard that you were planning on coming home on Monday and I just couldn’t wait to see you as soon as I could… And I wanted to finally see your place.”  
  
They both stared at each other for a while, before Laura opened her door wider for Carmilla to step in.  
  
“Come in.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“Uhm… You should have told me that you’d come…”  
  
“Here... A housewarming gift.”, Carmilla handed over a large bag, “Open it when I’m not here anymore.”  
  
“Thanks. You shouldn’t have...”  
  
The dark haired girl took everything in. There was a big bed on one corner of the apartment, with a folding screen parting that area from the rest of the room. It was ridiculously tiny, but Carmilla felt comfortable there.  
  
“I like it here.”, the brunette finally said and regarded her ex-girlfriend with eye-contact.  
  
“It’s a rat hole.”  
  
Maybe it was, but the inventory or the spaciousness wasn’t the reason Carmilla liked that place immediately.  
  
They hadn’t seen each other in a whole while and it felt just so good to see Laura.

 _Home.  
_  
  
“You’ve cut your hair.”, Carmilla noticed.  
  
“Only an inch or two. It’s barely noticeable.”, the blonde frowned.  
  
“I notice everything about you.”  
  
“Creep.”, Laura rolled her eyes with a smirk and gestured towards her fridge (the only new thing in her apartment), “Did you want a drink or something?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
  
  
“Your dad wouldn’t stop talking about you.”, Carmilla chuckled, when she saw how Laura rolled her eyes.  
  
“You are in a different state, and not even your mom talks about you that much. Ugh, I swear sometimes that man is so infuriating.”  
  
The brunette played with the hem of her shirt, and looked up through her lashes, “I get him though. He wants you around all the time. Can you blame him?”  
  
“Yeah and now him and your mom are talking about having another kid.”  
  
“ **What???** ”, Carmilla looked horrified.  
  
“Aww, are you concerned that you’re not gonna be the youngest anymore?”, Laura chuckled.  
  
“This isn’t funny, Laura.”  
  
“It’s not. But they are not serious about it. They are just being weird and sentimental about us all leaving home.”  
  
“They have Will.”  
  
“Who’s at his girlfriend’s place most of the time.”  
  
Carmilla conceded, “That’s true.”

 

* * *

  
  
“Hey, did you get what you went out for?”, Will asked when he heard the front door open. He assumed it was his sister. He wasn’t wrong.  
  
“I did yes.”, she walked into the kitchen with Laura, who immediately stepped in to give Will a hug.  
  
Carmilla watched that interaction with great interest. Not even she had received a hug- not that she was jealous or anything of her brother, but still. She wondered since when they had become such good friends. It was as if Laura had taken her place and it somehow warmed her heart.  
  
“Home early?”, Will asked his stepsister.  
  
“This one wouldn’t let me stay back.”, Laura winked in Carmilla’s direction and the brunette thought she was delusional.  
  
_Did she just? No- Why would she even?_  
  
There had been this flirty vibe between them, which usually would have been normal to any other person, but this was out of character for Laura.  
  
Laura didn’t flirt mindlessly.  
  
Maybe there was some hope after all…

 

* * *

  
  
Laura had been watching the brunette sitting by herself on the couch in the living room for a while, before stepping closer.  
  
“Hey Carmilla? Can I talk to you for a sec?”, the blonde asked.  
  
The dark haired girl turned immediately and gave her a small smile, “Sure.”  
  
  
Laura sat beside Carmilla, before elaborating, “It’s about some things in your letter.”  
  
“Oh…?”  
  
“Well it was just one thing you wrote in the Christmas letter that got stuck with me.”  
  
“What is it?”, Carmilla asked with a frown.  
  
“The part where you said I changed you. Do you really think I changed you? I mean, did you think I was changing you so that I was able to love you?”  
  
The brunette huffed out a breath and shook her head, “No, not at all. I just meant you made me want to be this way naturally. I wanted to be at my best for you, because that’s what you always saw in me.”  
  
Laura nodded absentmindedly, “Because you mentioned something else in the other letter. You said you were a bad person. You’re not, y’know?”  
  
Carmilla sighed deeply, “See? You always see the best in me.”  
  
“I see _you_. _I **know** you_.”  
  
The brunette searched for Laura’s eyes, “Do you?”  
  
Laura frowned, “Yeah…”  
  
“What do you see, Laura? When you look at me, what do you feel?”  
  
The blonde squirmed under the heavy stare, “This- I can’t do this now… I’m still- **I can’t** , Carm.”  
  
  
Carmilla understood. She shouldn’t have pushed, she thought to herself. Laura knew exactly what she wanted to hear, but she couldn’t deliver her the answer. There was something holding her back. Carmilla needed to regain her full trust or had to destroy the barrier that was between them, before she could.  
  
  
“You should go to sleep.”, Carmilla tentatively reached out her hand and traced Laura’s jaw with the lightest of touch. The blonde closed her eyes and relished that feeling, “Good night, Laura.”  
  
The brunette finally got up and walked the stairs up to her room.

Laura sat there on the couch, wondering if she was just weak or if it really was true love between them, because yeah. She felt **it**.

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla and Laura were slowly dancing around each other, being all gentle and distant. It was good mostly, because that way no one got hurt and the blonde had time to figure everything out, but Carmilla never was one to be patient. Especially not when it came to Laura.  
  
  
“What are you doing tomorrow?”, the dark haired girl asked, while Laura was organizing some of her not needed books into her shelf.  
  
“Nothing, why?”  
  
“Because I’d like to do something with you.”  
  
Laura eyed the book that she was holding for a second, blinked and then turned her head to Carmilla, who was sitting on her bed.  
  
“On Valentine’s Day?”  
  
Carmilla shrugged, “Yeah, we could go out for a movie or-”  
  
“Are you asking me on a date?”  
  
“Not really… I just want to spend a day with you.”  
  
“And you couldn’t have picked any other day for that?”  
  
  
It was odd. Laura was skeptical, and she was right in being so, because Carmilla did have ulterior motives.  
  
She wanted to show the blonde how easy it had once been between them.  
  
Maybe if she could remind Laura of what they were…  
  
  
“Just say yes or no.”  
  
Laura blinked once, not even believing what she was doing, “Yes.”  
  
“Great. Tomorrow then…”, the brunette cheerfully jumped off the bed and made her way into her own room again.  
  
“Yeah… Tomorrow…”, a confused girl mumbled to herself.

 

* * *

  
  
The day began with Carmilla leaving a rose on Laura’s desk for her to wake up to it.  
  
Laura didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t that. This all screamed: DATE!  
  
When she got down to get herself some coffee, Carmilla was already sitting at the kitchen counter and reading.

Solely that image was something rare in those days.  
  
“Hey… Is there coffee?”, the question was redundant, because she could see that there was, but it striked up an conversation.  
  
“Yeah my mom just made a fresh pot.”  
  
Laura poured herself some and then turned around, watching the other girl read for a while, before Carmilla noticed, and quirked up an eyebrow at her. She put the book in her hand aside.  
  
“Was there something you wanted to say to me?”  
  
The blonde traced her index around the rim of the mug that was sitting in front of her, before answering, “Thanks. For the rose, it’s sweet, but wasn’t necessary.”  
  
Carmilla smirked, “You’re welcome. And I thought you deserved someone to think about you on this day.”  
  
“It’s just a regular day with no real-”  
  
“Ah, ah, ah.”, the brunette chimed in, “What happened to _‘this is so totally romantic, Carm’_?”  
  
Laura shrugged, “Those were other times.”  
  
It stung.  
  
But Carmilla didn’t let that deter her from wanting to make the day absolutely perfect.  
  
  
  
  
They walked in their hometown after having dinner together. That went fairly well. They ate, they talked about both of their lives, when not being around each other and now Carmilla had taken Laura out for a little walk. The brunette watched the other girl, the one she loved with all she had in her, closely.  
  
Laura had matured a bit. So much could change in half a year, it was remarkable. Even though the blonde insisted that she hadn’t changed that much, when Carmilla had mentioned her new haircut, she had.  
  
And it wasn’t only the hair.  
  
It was the way she carried herself, the way her stare was directed somewhere indeterminable, like she was lost in something else completely. Usually whenever they went out, Laura would look at Carmilla from time to time, try to bring her out of her daze, but this time it was the other way around.  
  
Laura had become the broody one.  
  
Tentatively Carmilla placed her right hand on the small of Laura’s back and that seemed to bring her out of her thoughts. She stopped immediately, and looked at the other girl questioningly.  
  
Carmilla gave her a small smile and tilted her head a little, reaching out with her other hand -that wasn’t resting on Laura’s back- and pushed away some stray strands of hair that were obstructing her view on one of the blonde’s beautiful eyes.  
  
  
“You seem so distracted…”, Carmilla finally spoke it out.  
  
  
Laura looked like she got caught, she bit her lip and furrowed her brows, before meeting Carmilla’s gaze.  
  
“What are we doing here, Carm?”  
  
The dark haired girl’s eyebrows quirked up, “Walking. You know… The thing where you set one foot in front of the other?”  
  
Laura rolled her eyes and groaned and suddenly she was walking again. Carmilla was onto her.  
  
“What do you want me to say, Laur?”  
  
“The truth. For once.”  
  
  
Carmilla couldn’t answer, and they resumed to walking quietly for a little while longer.  
  
  
Eventually they came back home. There was a thick silence that couldn’t be broken.  
  
Laura got rid of her coat, with Carmilla helping her out of it and turned around to say thanks, but the proximity to her ex-girlfriend made her breath hitch.  
  
“I feel like I have to hold back in everything I do…”, the dark haired girl started on the opportunity Laura had created, the intimacy, “I wanted to take you out today, because I wanted to show you how it once had been between us. And how it still can be.”, Carmilla said, while searching for her eyes, for a reaction.  
  
It was Laura’s time to be surprised.  
  
“You can’t just- You can’t just walk in and out of my life like that. You can’t just expect me to be here whenever you call for me and then leave me hanging in the next moment.”, Laura was staring down at her shoes, “It hurts. It hurts so much when you do that.”, the last part was barely above a whisper.  
  
“I don’t want to anymore. I’m not running anymore. What you said… When you- The day after the New Year’s party…”  
  
Laura’s head snapped up and she tried to place the memory.  
  
“That you still were in love with me… Is-”  
  
_Oh that._  
  
“We can’t… You can’t ask me that now. This isn’t fair.”  
  
“Why not? I’m done being scared, I’m done being scared of asking for what I want.”, Carmilla exhaled deeply, before continuing, “I want you. I know this might be random now, but I thought about a lot in the last month and there’s only one thing that always adds up. I’m in a stage of my life where a lot is changing, and I don’t even know yet if I’m going in the right direction with all of this, but there’s one constant thing in my life and that’s **you**. Even though I made you feel like you were not a constant for me. You always were there.”  
  
Laura scoffed, “You made me feel like I was replaceable.”  
  
“And it was the biggest mistake I ever did in our relationship.”  
  
“Relationship?”, Laura’s voice was higher now, “Carm, in what world are you living? There is **no** relationship between us.”  
  
That stung too.  
  
“I’m sorry. I-”, Carmilla opened her mouth to say something else, but when she realized that she didn’t really have anything else to say to it, she silently closed it again. There was a long stare in the direction of the girl she loved, before she excused herself upstairs.  
  
  
  
Laura chased after her, she bursted into Carmilla’s old bedroom, where the brunette was standing stiffly.  
  
“See? That’s what you always do! You run.”  
  
Carmilla turned around with a confused expression on her face, “Wha-”  
  
Laura crossed her room and in a swift motion took Carmilla’s head into her hands and placed a bruising kiss on her lips.  
  
_What the creeping hell???_  
  
  
“What was that?”, the dark haired girl asked once the lip-lock ended.  
  
“Oh god, why do you do that to me?”, the blonde countered with wide eyes, trying to look anywhere but into Carmilla’s dark orbs.  
  
“Do _what_?”  
  
“Make this freaking mess out of me!”  
  
“Do you think I don’t feel like a mess? You make my knees go weak and my heart race. And all I wanna do is be around you and-”  
  
Laura blinked a few times, “No, no, no.”, she shook her head vigorously.  
  
Carmilla was worried now. The blonde was acting weird.  
  
“Sweetheart-”  
  
Laura held up a finger, “ **Don’t!** You can’t just say _that_ to me now and expect me to- Carmilla, what do you think this will end up in? You’re living in Arizona. Ohmigod.”, her eyes grew wide.  
  
“Is that the only thing that’s holding you up?”  
  
“It’s one of the most important ones, don’t you think?”  
  
Carmilla didn’t say anything in response, she wouldn’t be able to anyway. Laura vanished into her room after that.  
  
  
In that night Carmilla wrote to the dean of students of her university. Asking for a transfer to Boston after the end of the second term.  
  
She had it her way. Laura had let her go and she got to experience Arizona, she made one good friend there, hell, she even counted Danny to one of her closer friends now. It was okay that way.  
  
Sometimes in life there were sacrifices to make. And love had its sacrifices. Wasn’t that a saying? She swore she had heard that somewhere.  
  
Boston was a two and a half hour ride away from home.  
  
Boston was a two and a half hour ride away from Laura.

 

* * *

  
  
“You kissed her?”, Danny wanted to know, clearly confused with how fast Laura and Carmilla seemed to jump into things.  
  
“I don’t know where that came from- I was just looking at her and she was being so sweet the whole day and… Ugh.”  
  
The redhead smirked, “You fell for the Valentine’s day charm. You’re a sucker for those romantic gestures. So predictable.”  
  
“Shut up.”, Laura rolled her eyes, “Tell me what I’m supposed to do!”  
  
“I can’t tell either of you anything anymore, because you idiots always do the wrong thing.”  
  
“What are you my best friend for?”  
  
Danny frowned and scoffed, “Excuse me?”  
  
“Yeah, excuse you.”, Laura gasped.  
  
“Oh my god… Just tell her already that you’ll take her back.”  
  
“What? No- I don’t- I-”  
  
Danny didn’t buy any of it, so Laura sighed and relented.  
  
“Okay, fine I do want her back, but it’s toxic. We are like fifty countries away from each other.”  
  
“More like several states, but I get your point, yeah.”  
  
“And also it’s not like I love her _that_ much…”, Laura narrowed her eyes and tried to play it down, “I can totally be without her- Or anyone! A girl can be by herself, right? I don’t need anyone. I’m super good on my own. Always have. Before I had Carm I was great too, right?”  
  
Danny bit her lip, “Before you had her you were a sexually frustrated teenager, yeah.”  
  
For that the redhead got hit with a french fry.

 

* * *

  
  
“Do you have a minute for me?”, Carmilla walked into her mother’s office.  
  
Veronica looked up from her desk and nodded instantly, “Sure. What’s going on?”  
  
“You co-signed the contract for the dorm room I’m renting out in Phoenix and I also need your signature for the termination of the contract.”  
  
The mother was confused now, “Do you want to move to another one? Aren’t you happy with the dorm?”  
  
Carmilla shook her head immediately, “No, I love it there, but I’m thinking of coming back.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Not really _coming back_ … But I applied for a transfer to Boston and most likely am going to get in with my grades. And now I need your signature to terminate the contract, because if everything really goes well, I need to hand in that thing by the first week of March. And I’m not coming home before Easter, so...”  
  
Veronica slowly shook her head again, “But I don’t understand.”  
  
“Arizona is great. I spent half a year there now and it’s been everything you and dad talked about, but I won’t ever be that happy there… I won’t ever, when I don’t have the person I want to be with in my life. I found a similar program to the one in Phoenix at the university I applied to in Boston. I won’t lose any credits or won’t have to do any exams again. It’s perfect. And it’s only a one hour flight or a three hour car ride.”  
  
“Wait…”, her mother thought it through once more, “Is this only because of Laura?”  
  
“No. It’s also because of me. It’s mostly because of me, because I’m selfish and I want her.”  
  
The older woman huffed out a breath, “Give me that contract…”  
  
Veronica neatly placed a signature on its designated place and looked up at her daughter, when handing back the piece of paper, “Does she know what you are doing for her?”  
  
“No. I won’t tell her until it’s sure and settled… I’ll tell her when it’s the right time. I don’t want her to feel obligated to wait for me or anything. If we ever get back together, then I want it to be on her terms and in the pace she sets. She gets to control it. And if we don’t get back together…”, her heart felt heavy, “Then at least I will have my best friends in my immediate reach.”  
  
“This is very mature of you, Carmilla. Once again, I’m very proud of you.”, Veronica finally stated and Carmilla smiled down at her mother.

 

* * *

  
  
Carmilla and Laura both hadn’t talked about the incident on Valentine’s day. The dark haired girl found that there was nothing more to add to it. Even though Laura didn’t really speak out her feelings clearly, Carmilla could have guessed, where she stood.  
  
Some space and time could do wonders. However not too much, because Laura was also a girl that liked to know that she crossed Carmilla’s mind. The brunette planned on giving that girl exactly what she needed. It once was so easy to do those things. She could be like that again. Care for Laura. It came naturally anyway.  
  
  
“It was nice of you to drive me to the airport.”, Carmilla said, turning her head to her left, where Laura was giving her a small smile. They were both slowly approaching the gate, and with every step Carmilla felt heavier. Like her feet were implanting themselves into the ground.  
  
_Home._  
  
No one wanted to leave home. Though it hadn’t been as hard, whenever her mother had driven her to the airport.  
  
Home was a person after all.  
  
“Don’t mention it. I wanted to see you off for once.”  
  
That caught the brunette’s attention, “Why?”  
  
Laura furrowed her brows, “Why not?”  
  
Carmilla shrugged, “I hope this time my presence wasn’t as awful as the last time.”  
  
The blonde chuckled, “Well, for what it’s worth… Christmas was pretty nice. You only managed to ruin New Year’s Eve for me.”  
  
“Oh no, the date of us officially getting together!”, the dark haired girl said with a feigned gasp.  
  
Laura’s smirk vanished and for a moment there was something else, but it was gone as fast as it came.  
  
  
“We’re here.”, the blonde remarked and cocked towards the counter where a woman in a dark uniform was supervising the people going through the automated gates.  
  
“Hey, so can I call you now regularly again?”  
  
Laura’s smile was broad, “Of course you can. Why do I always need to tell you that?”  
  
“Because I like hearing it.”  
  
The blonde nudged Carmilla lightly, “ **Go.** You don’t wanna miss your flight.”  
  
“I’d miss it, if it meant that I could spend some more time with you.”  
  
She said it jokingly, but both knew, how true that was.  
  
Laura helped her out: She rolled her eyes and had a witty retort, “Flattering. Some hours stuck in JFK airport is sooo exactly what I crave now.”  
  
  
“See you in April, Creampuff.”, Carmilla took both of Laura’s hands in hers and applied light pressure.  
  
“Yeah, I’ll see you, Carm.”  
  
Carmilla gave her a certain look that she hoped would convey all her feelings and then turned around, slinging her hands through the strap of her backpack.  
  
  
Laura watched her go through security check and when she was almost out of sight, Carmilla turned around and blew her a kiss.  
  
  
The blonde pretended to catch it and held up her right fist, to indicate that she had it. Carmilla gestured towards her own lips, and it took Laura several seconds, before the penny dropped, but when it did, she only managed to roll her eyes.  
  
There was a huge smile on her face.  
  
Carmilla pouted, but then finally waved once more, before vanishing into the crowd.  
  
  
Laura held her right hand to her chest.  
  
Maybe a heart could be mended with small things like this.


	5. Happy Birthday, Carm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you're just fed up.

**Flashback**  
_Senior prom at Silas High._

  
_Laura was in the midst of selling tickets for senior prom (being in the committee had its price too), when her girlfriend suddenly decided to drop by._  
  
  
_“Hey, can I steal you away for a second?”_  
  
_The blonde jumped up a bit, “God, you scared me. Seriously Carm, you make no noise while walking, you’re like a cat.”, Laura excused herself, and let the other girl that was sitting beside her take over for her._  
  
  
_“Just because she’s your girl doesn’t mean she can cut the line!”, someone exclaimed from the back of said line._  
  
  
_Laura rolled her eyes, “God, I hate this, why is your mom making me do this?”_  
  
_“Because you are the president of the school committee, cutie. I told you, you should have left the position after junior year ended.”_  
  
_“Yeah, yeah, yeah… Why are you here? I thought you had off now?”_  
  
_“I did… I came to wait with you.”_  
  
_“It’s sweet of you, but you’ll just be bored.”, Laura played with the collar of Carmilla’s jacket._  
  
_The brunette arched an eyebrow and stepped out of the blonde’s embrace and approached the girl that now was doing Laura’s job._  
  
  
_“Hey, Virgin Mary, go budge, yeah? I’m taking over.”_  
  
_Laura’s eyes grew wide, “ **Carm!!!** ”_  
  
_That girl did what was asked of her and vanished after packing up her things. She kind of looked terrified._  
  
_“Was that really necessary?”, Laura asked, plopping down on her chair._  
  
_Carmilla took the seat beside her girlfriend, “Yep, I did her a favor. She gets to have a free afternoon…”, the brunette leaned closer to Laura -who was smiling at the person, who was next in line- and whispered, “ **And I** -”_  
  
_“Are selling tickets now with me.”, the blonde cut in._  
  
_“Ugh, you’re killing me, Hollis.”_  
  
  
  
  
_“Do I need to ask you formally, or is it clear that I want to go with you - **my girlfriend** \- to prom?”, Carmilla asked the other girl, after everyone had left for home/afternoon classes._  
  
_Laura turned to her with a risen eyebrow, “What? I already said yes to someone else!”, she feigned a gasp._  
  
_The brunette rolled her eyes, “Spaz… Here… Give me two tickets.”, Carmilla laid out 60 dollars on the table._  
  
_Laura eyed the money for a moment, before looking at the other girl, “Carm, you’re my girlfriend. I’m not gonna take money from you, besides I get two tickets for free. There are some perks of being the committee president, y’know?”, the girl handed over two tickets and placed a kiss on Carmilla’s cheek, before standing up and stretching, “Come on, I’m tired. Let’s go home.”_  
  
_“Laur, take my money.”_  
  
_“What?”, the blonde looked down at the other girl, who held the three twenty dollar bills right under her nose._  
  
_“You guys use the money you raise to help disabled children, right? Just take it.”_  
  
_Laura blinked, “But the tickets would be $48.”_  
  
_“Keep the rest. It’s for a good cause, right?”, Carmilla stood up, “How can I help you with cleaning up now?”_  
  
_Suddenly she felt the blonde collapsing with her side and her tiny hands holding her tight._  
  
  
_“Hey, what’s up?”, the brunette chuckled._  
  
_“You have no idea, how much more in love I am with you right now.”_  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_Carmilla was waiting in the living room, nervously tapping with her fingers on the armrest of the couch she was sitting on. This had to be the perfect night. She had it all planned out. The brunette had said no to the others driving there in a limousine. Carmilla wanted to take the car, it was something about being more flexible and not dependent on others._  
  
  
_“Oh my, the dress is absolutely gorgeous!”, Veronica exclaimed. Carmilla’s head snapped up and to the staircase where Laura was making a weird face, while she was descending the stairs slowly._  
  
_The dark haired girl was there in no time and smirking, “What’s up? Don’t like it anymore?”_  
  
_“No, no… It’s not the dress, I just hit my head on my door.”_  
  
Goof. Of course you did.  
  
_Laura’s eyes went wide, when she took in her girlfriend, “Wow, Carm! You look absolutely…”, she was at loss for words._  
  
_Carmilla stepped right in front of the blonde and held out her right hand, Laura furrowed her brows and put her left hand in it. The brunette got something from behind her back and when the blonde saw what it was, she smiled knowingly._  
  
_“A corsage. No one does it anymore, Carm.”_  
  
_“Oh you both are so adorable!”, Veronica exclaimed and Carmilla turned her head towards her mother, who was busy taking picture after picture._  
  
  
_“Can you stop it already?”, the brunette complained, “Where’s Will? Can’t you play paparazzi on him?”_  
  
_“He went to pick up his girlfriend at her place.”, the mother said sadly, “Oh c’mon, just pose for some more pictures.”_  
  
_Carmilla groaned, let Laura link her arm with hers and arched an eyebrow towards the phone her mother was holding._ Unimpressed. _That’s what her face said. The blonde nudged her gently, so she turned over to her and gave her a confused look._  
  
_“ **Absolutely hot.** ”, Laura giggled, “That’s what I meant to say before.”_  
  
_Carmilla chuckled slightly, “And you…”, she leaned in, to whisper in Laura’s ear (her mother flipping out at the pure adorableness of those two), “Beautiful doesn’t even describe you.”_  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“You still haven’t shown me how to waltz.”, Laura whispered towards her girlfriend, who’s face immediately broke into a smile._  
  
_“If you wanted to dance with me, all you had to do is ask, cutie.”_  
  
_Laura scoffed, “I was just saying...”_  
  
_“Oh really?”, the blonde rolled her eyes and Carmilla watched her for a moment, in her dark green dress (a color she actually didn’t like so much). It fit her perfectly though. Then again, Carmilla would have found her beautiful in just about anything, “Dance with me.”_  
  
_The blonde acted unaffected and quirked up her eyebrows, though her lips gave her away, when they curled slightly, “You don’t really have to.”_  
  
_Carmilla was already rising to her feet, eyeing the dance floor, and holding out her hand, “Come on. I wanna make the jocks jealous.”_  
  
_“You’re so unbelievable.”, Laura smacked the back of her hand against the fabric of Carmilla’s jacket on her bicep._  
  
_She was wearing a simple black tux. At first the blonde wanted her to wear a dress, but when she learned that Carmilla despised them and only was willing to do that out of pure love for her, she let her decide for herself. That tux didn’t look so bad. It wasn’t as saggy as Laura had expected it to be. It fit Carmilla’s figure and complimented it (which in hindsight was the only reason for the blonde to want her to wear a dress)._  
  
  
_“Follow my lead.”, the brunette placed Laura’s left hand on her own shoulder, grabbing her girlfriend by her waist and pulling her in closer, taking the other hand that wasn’t occupied. She leaned in slightly, taking in the scent of Laura’s shampoo, breathing in her scent._  
  
_“This isn’t even appropriate music for that, Carm.”, the blonde bunched up her face._  
  
_“Aaaand… One, two, three… One, two, three… Can you hear that?”, Carmilla asked, after having done two complete sets of steps (Laura following like a lost puppy), “If you close your eyes and let me lead you, it doesn’t matter what kind of idiotic music of the new age is playing.”_  
  
_Laura tilted her head to the side, seeing Danny and Kirsch looking at them adoringly. She cocked her head in acknowledgement and simultaneously tried to mimic Carmilla -or actually do the complete opposite- to what it was she was doing._  
  
  
_“I actually never went to something like this with someone I wanted to be with… Or like… You know what I mean, right?”, Laura was looking right at her girlfriend, when saying those words._  
  
_Carmilla nodded slightly, “I know what you mean, yeah.”_  
  
_Laura was wrapping her arms tightly around her neck and placed a kiss to her cheek, “Thanks for doing that with me.”_  
  
_The brunette backed away a bit, so that she could look the other girl in the eyes, “Of course. There is no one I’d rather be with in this moment.”_  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“It was the perfect night… Thanks Carm.”, Laura said, once they were standing in front of Carmilla’s car in the school parking lot._  
  
_“The night’s not over yet.”, the brunette smiled gently, softly._  
  
Innocence _, Laura thought._  
  
_And her own self, one and a half year ago, when they were nothing but stepsisters wouldn’t have believed her.  
Wouldn’t have believed her, if she had told her that she’d be in this position. That she’d be in love with Carmilla Karnstein one day. _  
  
_That she’d be so in love with her that it hurt._  
  
  
_“Laura, what’s wrong?”, there was a genuine concerned look on Carmilla’s face._  
  
_“What? Nothing.”_  
  
_The dark haired girl came closer and examined her, before wiping away tears (that had apparently fallen without Laura noticing)._  
  
_“You’re crying…”_  
  
_Laura smiled and sniffed._  
  
God how much more adorable could she get _, the brunette thought._  
  
  
_“I love you a lot, y’know.”_  
  
_Carmilla inhaled deeply and bit her lip, “I know.”_  
  
_There was something unsaid between them. Something like…_  
  
  
**But it hurts that my love isn’t enough.**  
  
  
_Laura shook it off, “C’mon, let’s get outta here. I want pie. That’s our tradition!”, she grinned toothily and Carmilla walked forwards, until she had her girlfriend backed up against her car._  
  
  
_“You are the best thing that happened to me. Know that. **Always**.”_  
  
_The blonde hesitated for a bit, before nodding slightly. Carmilla captured her eyes with her own for a few seconds longer, and then opened the passenger door for her without looking away._  
  
_“Get in, sweetheart.”, her voice was so warm and gentle._  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“Shhh, my dad is probably sleeping…”, the blonde giggled, when Carmilla’s moan was a little too loud.  
  
They weren’t even doing anything particularly non-PG-13. Just plain kissing by the door._  
  
_Laura led the other girl to the living room, getting rid of her heels in the process and sat down, waiting for Carmilla to join her._  
  
  
_“Wanna watch Spongebob reruns now or what?”, the brunette asked -clearly confused about their location- and plopped down beside Laura, who immediately reached out with her hands and dragged her girlfriend towards herself by the lapels of her jacket._  
  
_“I wanna make out with you.”_  
  
_“Here?”, Carmilla asked, risen eyebrow and all. Amused too._  
  
_Laura nodded hastily, bringing down Carmilla on top of her, while she laid down on the couch._  
  
_The brunette felt two hands slide down her shoulders and then felt them on the collar of the jacket, Laura was trying to tell her to take the piece of clothing off, while they were busy kissing. And she did._  
  
_Carmilla looked down at the blonde, how her dilated pupils were staring right into her, how her chest rose and fell too quickly. She was beautiful that way. The dark haired girl leaned down again, her lips aiming at Laura’s neck, bracing herself on her right and placing her left hand on the underside of Laura’s right thigh and lifting it up a bit (at least as much as the dress allowed)._  
  
_They kissed like that for a few more minutes, before Laura’s hands dropped to Carmilla’s slacks, attempting to unbutton them in a practiced motion. The brunette braced herself onto her right arm, and away from the girl beneath her. Her eyes were wide, when she stopped Laura’s doings with her left hand._  
  
_“You wanna do this here? What if someone walks in on us?”_  
  
_Laura rolled her eyes, “Who, Carm?”_  
  
  
_**Someone** cleared his throat just in that moment, “Your father, for instance.”_  
  
  
_Both scrambled up and into a sitting position, looking at each other in shock and then Laura dared to meet her father’s eyes._  
  
_“What are you doing here?”, she took in his attire._  
  
_Flannel pj’s and a ‘World’s Best Dad’ t-shirt. He probably got up to get a glass of water._  
  
_“I could ask you the same thing…”, Greg shot back, clearly not at all pleased with the way he found his daughter and his stepdaughter._  
  
  
_“I- We’re going to bed.”, she said and stood up, driving her hand through her hair in an attempt to fix it, and walked away._  
  
_Carmilla picked up her jacket from where it was lying on the floor and looked up, “Uh… Good night.”_  
  
_“Separately, Carmilla.”, he called towards her and she turned her head over her shoulder and gave him a quick nod._  
  
_He sighed. He knew that it wouldn’t happen anyway._

 

* * *

  
  
Laura looked at the jar in front of her. Carmilla had gotten her a freaking huge cookie jar (and even provided her with the cookies to fill it with) as a housewarming gift. It was the best gift she could get.  
  
The cookies, it was.  
  
_Chips Ahoy? More like Cookies Ahoy, and good bye, get into my mouth._  
  
**Laura** (2:17pm): I love the cookies!!!  
**Laura** (2:17pm): and the jar is okay too, I guess  
**Laura** (2:18pm): thx Carm  
**Laura** (2:18pm): hope you’re okay :)  
  
Just a few minutes later she received a call and was very surprised to see Carmilla’s name on her phone screen.  
  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Yeah, your soulmate speaking. Have I convinced you yet that you should absolutely take me back?”  
  
The blonde was speechless. This was very, very straight-forward.  
  
“Kidding! Oh my god!”, the brunette chuckled.  
  
“The thing is, you’re _not_.”, Laura said hesitantly. There was a slight smile on her face though, which fortunately Carmilla couldn’t see.  
  
“Ahh, maybe.”  
  
  
“Sooo, you called me.”, the blonde decided to steer the conversation into a different direction.  
  
“I did. I’m waiting in front of the Dean’s office to get some paperwork done, so I thought I’d call you… Surprised?”  
  
“Of course, it’s not every day that a beautiful girl calls me.”  
  
Now it was Carmilla’s turn to be speechless.  
  
Laura took this opportunity and mocked the other girl’s words from before, “Kidding!”  
  
“You can’t be kidding about a fact.”  
  
The blonde just couldn’t win in this. She rolled her eyes and resumed to eating yet another cookie.  
  
  
“How’sh the new shemeshter goin’, Carm?”, ah yes. The cookie monster at work.  
  
Carmilla loved that girl so endlessly. It wasn’t normal anymore.  
  
“Oh it’s fine. A bit stressful. Yours? Have you signed up for those creative writing classes, like you wanted to?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. It’s pretty fun.”, the blonde didn’t know if she should be saying it, but then just went with it, “Oh and well, I got into one with Wendy.”  
  
She didn’t know what she’d expected, but it was not, “Oh that’s great. I actually let Xena drag me to this history extracurricular. It’s actually kind of fun.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah…”, there was someone calling Carmilla’s name, “Hey, Laur? I’m gonna have to hang up now. Duty calls, y’know?”  
  
Laura smiled, “Sure. Thanks for the call.”  
  
“No problem. I’ll uhh… Call you sometime this week again, yeah?”  
  
It was Friday. So she was going to call again in the next two days. Laura liked that.  
  
  
“I’d like that.”  
  
“Great- So… Bye sweetheart.”  
  
“Bye Carm. Take care.”  
  
“You too.”  
  
The line went dead and Laura held her phone to her chest and smiled broadly.  
  
Her heart was beating out of its tact. So uncommon in those past days.  
  
Only one girl on the planet could apparently do that to her.

 

* * *

  
  
It happened out of context. One moment she was saying good bye to Wendy in front of her apartment- and the next she was being pressed against the door and kissed.  
  
  
She hadn’t reciprocated.  
  
And she couldn’t.  
  
  
The girl backed away almost immediately, shaking her head. As if she couldn’t believe what she was doing.  
  
“God! Sorry- I-”  
  
Laura was silent. Quiet. Her gaze was on the floor, counting the tiles on the pavement, because that’s all she managed to do.  
  
She couldn’t possibly look the other girl in the eye.  
  
“I felt like there was something and god, I’m such an idiot. So, so dumb!”  
  
The blonde’s eyes snapped up and shock was replaced by sympathy.  
  
“No! It’s…”, she scratched her neck, “It’s flattering, but…”  
  
“You’re not into me that way.”, Wendy finished off the sentence.  
  
“It’s not _that_ \- You’re really nice…”  
  
“Nice.”, she scoffed.  
  
Laura sighed, “I’m still in love with **_her_**.”, the blonde shrugged after saying that, “I’m still not over her.”  
  
Why was it so easy to admit it in front of her and so hard to say it to Carmilla?  
  
  
“I’m so fucking stupid.”, Wendy groaned.  
  
“No, hey! You’re amazing and sweet and all kinds of wonderful… Just…”  
  
“Not for you.”  
  
Laura nodded hesitantly, “So… Uh, we are friends, right?”, she held out her hand.  
  
Wendy eyed it warily, before taking it, “We always were, yeah.”  
  
  
_That went… Not so well..._

 

* * *

  
  
“If you want to get extra points, we could also sign up for the history class Goldberg does in fall. I heard it gets better the more advanced the classes are.”, Danny was sipping on her coke, after saying that.  
  
“I’m not gonna be around for that.”, the brunette said slowly.  
  
The redhead frowned, “We could of course also pick something _you_ like. Which courses would be interesting to you?”  
  
Carmilla shook her head, “No, Danny. I meant, I won’t be able to. I’m transferring.”  
  
The taller girl blinked, “What? Where?”  
  
“To Boston.”  
  
Danny’s eyebrows shot up, “To the _east coast_ …”  
  
Carmilla sighed, “It’s not what you think.”  
  
“Oh really? So you’re not doing that to just get back together with **_her_** again?”  
  
The brunette shook her head, “I need her.”  
  
“You are forcing yourself on her.”  
  
“She said, she was still in love with me.”  
  
“Well of course she is! She can’t really move on, when you’re around all the time. Damn it, Karnstein!”  
  
“Why are you affected by this so much?”  
  
Danny finally calmed down a bit, not realizing where that came from.  
  
“Sorry… It’s just- You two both are kind of my closest friends and I don’t want either of you to get hurt.”  
  
Carmilla choked on her spit, “I’m _not_ your best friend.”  
  
“I said _close_ friend.”  
  
“But you put me in the same category as Laura!”, the dark haired girl genuinely looked horrified.  
  
“Oh get over yourself. We go out to lunch together three times a week. You actually picked up on calling me by my name, and you sometimes even buy me lunch. What do you call that?”  
  
Carmilla thought about it. _Oh no!_ The giantess was right. Her scowl probably was not as terrifying as it used to be.  
  
  
“I haven’t told her yet, soo… It would be nice of you to keep your mouth shut.”, change of subjects it was.  
  
Danny blinked, “What do you mean, you haven’t told her?”  
  
Carmilla shrugged, “About the transfer. It’s not only about Laura and I being together. That’s what I’m saying. I want to be close to her. Closer to home. Not necessarily force myself on her, like you said so gallantly.”

 

* * *

  
  
“What’s up with you today?”, Carmilla asked, concern evident in her voice.  
  
Laura and her had been talking on the phone pretty often now. They were slowly building up their solid friendship again and it seemed like there was even room for the occasional flirtatious comment.  
  
From both sides.  
  
“I- Uh- Actually I would like to tell you something and, uhm… You have to promise me not to freak out.”  
  
“This is starting fairly well.”  
  
“ _Carm_ …”, Laura warned.  
  
“Shoot. What is it?”, the dark haired girl lightly said.  
  
“Well yesterday I was with Wendy and things led to other things and uhm… We sort of kissed? I mean, she kissed me and I told her off!!! But it uh- Happened.”  
  
There was a short period of silence.  
  
“But you didn’t reciprocate?”  
  
“Uhm. No. I- I couldn’t.”  
  
“Why?”, there was so much hope in the question.  
  
Hope that Laura didn’t want to shatter, but she couldn’t be talking about this on the phone either.  
  
**In April.** When Carmilla would come home, she’d tell her.  
  
  
“I just don’t feel like that for her.”  
  
Carmilla thought about the answer. It could have meant a lot of things.  
  
  
It was a clear message for Laura though: _I just don’t feel like that for her, because I’m still in love with you._  
  
  
“Okay… So that’s what you were worried about?”  
  
“Uhm? Well…”  
  
Carmilla exhaled, “It’s okay Laura. You didn’t have to tell me.”  
  
“I wanna be honest with you. And not have this between us…”  
  
“Okay. Thank you.”

 

* * *

  
  
“Laura! I hadn’t expected a call from you.”, Perry picked up cheerfully.  
  
“Hey… Are you busy?”  
  
“Not at all. How are you?”  
  
“Oh… I’m great. Y’know… Spring’s finally coming again… And stuff… How about you?”  
  
“I’m fairly well. How’s school going?”  
  
“Soccer practices are gonna start soon. The new season’s gonna be kick-ass. We’re gonna be playing against a lot of other teams.”  
  
“I see… And how is Carmilla?”  
  
“Right that… I kinda need to talk about Carm…”  
  
“I guessed so.”, the redhead chuckled, “Go on.”  
  
“I wanted to know from you, because you did that whole long distance thing… How was it? Aside from what LaFontaine did, I mean.”  
  
There was a pause. Laura thought about her own question. How insensitive could one get?  
  
“ _Ohmigod_. I’m so sorry. I’m like such an idiot for asking that-”  
  
“Don’t worry Laura. It’s fine. To answer your question: If you love someone, it’s actually easier than you think. Of course you have to put in a lot of work and you have to count in a few lonely nights, but other than that…”  
  
“And do you think Carm and I would stand a chance?”  
  
“I can’t answer that question for you, Laura. Do you want to be with her?”  
  
“Of course I do.”  
  
“And is it worth it to you? Do you think you could do that? Because you two broke up because you both thought you couldn’t.”  
  
Laura sighed, “That’s the thing, Perry. We both thought it would be easier like this, but we’re both kind of missing each other -at least she said something likewise- and she also told me that she wanted me in her life again, also as us being a couple and I just…”  
  
“Are scared?”  
  
“Yeah. I don’t want to get hurt again.”  
  
“But you love her.”  
  
“With all that I have in me.”  
  
“Then it’s worth fighting for, don’t you think?”

 

* * *

  
  
“It’s your birthday soon, Carm.”, Laura was tapping with her foot nervously. Carmilla could see, because the screen was moving slightly along with it.  
  
“Sweetheart, you don’t need to be so nervous. I know, I look good, but there’s no need to be _that_ flustered.”  
  
Laura frowned, “What happened to you over there? Are there so many people onto you that you developed this huge ego?”  
  
“No, actually not. But you do recall that I once called you my girlfriend… So one might think I am a fitting choice for you… So taking that into account, and the fact that you are an absolute bobby-dazzler… I must be good-looking too, no?”  
  
“What the fuck happened to you? Since when do you talk like that? **Bobby-dazzler**? What the hell?”  
  
Carmilla groaned, “Ugh, we were reading about literature in history and I got a little engrossed with that one piece from northern England and now I’m stuck with that word.”  
  
And describing Laura, and her beauty with new words always had been one of her favorite things to do.  
  
“It’s kinda sweet.”, the blonde admitted with a giggle, then cleared her throat, “Anyways… Back to my initial cause for the facetiming-session…”  
  
“Oh, so you did have other motives than just wanting to see my face.”  
  
  
Laura rolled her eyes, “What do you want for your birthday?”  
  
“Ugh… Don’t remind me.”  
  
“Well, I’m not just gonna forget yours like you did mine.”  
  
Carmilla’s eyes widened slightly and she pressed her lips into a thin line.  
  
“Never gonna let me live that down?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“Seriously though…”, Carmilla smiled slightly now, “I don’t need anything. I’m just glad I get to be home for that.”  
  
“Yeah you’re real lucky that your birthday almost always falls into Easter recess.”, Laura stretched and flexed her arms a bit, which caused Carmilla to obviously stare at her, “See something you like?”  
  
“Aren’t we a bit forward, Creampuff?”  
  
“No, it’s not being forward, when it’s the truth, now is it, Carm?”, Laura winked in her direction and then vanished from the screen for a few seconds, before sitting in front of her computer with some cookies.  
  
Carmilla observed her, shoving one cookie after the other into her mouth and thinking to herself…  
  
  
_God, I love her so._

 

* * *

  
  
“Help me get something for her!”, Laura exclaimed and LaF looked clearly unimpressed.  
  
“Hollis. Why do you have to drag me into this shit now?”  
  
“Well what do you have for her?”, the blonde shot her friend an expectant look, but nothing ever came.  
  
“I actually got her that one record of Joan Jett. I remember her being real grumpy, when Ell wouldn’t give it back after their break up.”  
  
“Ell didn’t give her back her stuff?”  
  
“Well no, but she didn’t demand it back either, so it was her own fault I guess.”  
  
“Ugh your gift is so cool… And I have literally no idea!!!”  
  
“Oh c’mon, L.”, LaF slung their arm around Laura’s shoulder, “We’re gonna get something. This mall has over 300 stores.”  
  
  
They didn’t find anything Laura found worthy.  
  
She thought she was doomed.

 

* * *

  
  
“Creampuff, I’m coming home in a few days, couldn’t you wait?”, Carmilla asked into her laptop that was showing Laura in her apartment.  
  
“Do you not want to? We can hang up-”  
  
“I didn’t say _that_.”, the brunette was actually stressed out that she hadn’t heard back from the university.  
  
The transfer process seemed to be much more of a pain in the ass than studying for exams.  
  
  
“What’s up? You seem so... Grumpy…”  
  
Carmilla rolled her head in an attempt to get rid of the pain she was feeling in her neck.  
  
“I am stressed out. It’s just those freaking exams.”  
  
“Woah there, you’re more of a nerd than I am.”, Laura giggled.  
  
She took in the brunette’s form. Her hair was all messy, her eyes looked wary and tired and she seemed to be skinnier than Laura had remembered her. Only a little bit over a month had passed since they last had seen each other in person and just now the blonde was noticing those things.  
  
“Are you eating regularly? … And what about sleep?”  
  
Carmilla scoffed, “Yeah, when I get the time to… But today I did eat… The sleeping part? Not so much.”  
  
“Okay woah there, I don’t want you to get sick… Carm, you can sleep y’know?”  
  
“I don’t wanna hang up though.”, Carmilla pouted and Laura’s heart skipped a beat.  
  
“You don’t have to. Just uhm… Take your laptop with you. I’ll be here, doing some stuff for class and we can talk after you wake up.”, the blonde offered with a shy smile.  
  
The dark haired girl seemed to think about it, but then a yawn escaped her and she conceded with a nod. She looked so, so adorable.  
  
Laura watched her retreat into her bed with her laptop showing half of her body.  
  
“Sleep well, Carm.”  
  
“You too…”, the girl mumbled, before making herself comfortable for sleeping.  
  
The blonde hummed, though she was not going to bed, and watched all the stress dissipate with every deep breath Carmilla took. Everything got quiet and there was a peaceful expression on her face. Laura watched her for a very long time, coming to the conclusion…  
  
_I love her so, so much._

 

* * *

  
  
It had become a ritual to be reading Laura’s entries in the scrap book on a Saturday morning.  
  
This time it was a picture of them both and two cinema tickets to the movie _‘Lucy’_ with Scarlett Johansson. Carmilla’s lips immediately curled into a smile around the rim of her coffee cup.  
  
_Their first date._  
  
Laura’s comment was simple: _‘_ _You totally have it out for the blondes.’_  
  
And she was right.

 

* * *

  
  
“Yeah, sorry I just got off the plane… No- I- Yes this fall semester… I sent you all the documents… I can’t- I am back at home for the holidays, Sir… I will figure something out… Thank you…”, the brunette huffed out a breath. She was so not looking forward to spending her evening trying to sort out the bureaucracy her university apparently could not deal with.  
  
  
“Hey…”  
  
Carmilla jumped and turned around, “God, Laura!”  
  
“Is everything alright?”, the blonde was frowning, carrying the other girl’s bag.  
  
“I can take that!”, Carmilla reached out to take her own luggage (she was a big girl and all), but Laura wouldn’t let her.  
  
“It’s okay, you seem a bit tired, c’mon.”, the blonde linked her arm with Carmilla’s and dragged her along.  
  
The dark haired girl was much too tired to notice it, but Laura made a mental note that it felt so, so normal.  
  
  
Too normal for them to not be together.  
  
And much too normal for Laura to screw this opportunity up.  
  
  
  
Carmilla yawned, when she got into Laura’s car and immediately squeezed her eyes shut, “Those exams are killing me.”  
  
“I don’t get why you’re inflicting that upon yourself. It’s college. No one’s gonna ask you, what grades you had, when you want to get a job, y’know? The degree is what counts. Well, not that I’m saying you shouldn’t work hard, because I’m proud of you-”, Laura ignited the engine and looked over to her right, “Carm, _seatbelt_.”  
  
“Aye, aye boss.”, the brunette complied.  
  
“What I was saying is… You look like shit, you should take care of yourself more.”, the blonde drove out of the parking spot and onto the lane for the highway.  
  
Carmilla snorted, “Devastating flirting techniques, cutie. I’m finding it hard to remember why exactly I fell for you.”  
  
Laura smacked her hand against Carmilla, without looking and accidentally hit her in the face.  
  
“Ow!”, the brunette ducked away slightly.  
  
“Oh my gosh!”, Laura had her eyes trained on the road, but still tentatively reached to her right and gave her a short glance, “Sorry, that wasn’t my intention.”  
  
The blonde made her action from before up and lovingly grazed Carmilla’s cheek with her knuckles. The dark haired girl took the hand that was presented to her and secured it in her lap. Laura noticed it with a small smile, but didn’t move the hand away. She rather tried to do something not so inappropriate, so she let it there, palm facing the ceiling of the car with Carmilla’s index drawing patterns into it.  
  
  
“Say, is my mother ditching on me the whole time or how is it now?”  
  
“I volunteered to pick you up, silly!”  
  
“Why, that’s sweet of you.”  
  
  
Laura gave her a quick look and a beautiful smile.  
  
Yeah, it slowly felt like the stress was going away. Just like that.  
  
That’s what coming home did to Carmilla. That’s what Laura did to her.

 

* * *

  
  
“It’s like we’re the worst Christians ever.”, Veronica said to her family members, at least those that were present.  
  
“We celebrate Christmas.”, Greg tried to comfort his wife.  
  
Laura mindlessly poked through her vegetables (they were never her favorite thing to eat).  
  
She was fixated on the day that was coming up. She had planned a surprise party for Carmilla.  
  
And she had planned to talk to her about their relationship.  
  
  
  
“What’s up with you?”, the brunette beside her whispered.  
  
“What?”, the blonde looked up and felt her cheeks burn up (she couldn’t keep secrets that well -and this one was eating her up), “I- Nothing.”  
  
“I’ll hide easter eggs for you in the backyard or something, if it’s a big deal to you.”, Carmilla chuckled and the fact that her usually raspy voice was being all soft and gentle now made Laura’s heart feel mellow and warm.  
  
“It’s not about _that_ , Carm.”, Laura paused, “The sentiment is sweet though.”  
  
  
“… Well at least we have Carmilla’s and Will’s birthday to celebrate, like we do every year-”, Greg remarked.  
  
  
The blonde interjected her father, “Uh yeah… Dinner. We’ll have dinner together on the fifteenth. I…”, Laura turned her head slightly, “I kinda have something planned and uhm that’s probably gonna require Carm’s absence for the day.”  
  
Carmilla’s brows twisted in confusion, “What? What requires my absence?”  
  
“Just trust me, okay?”  
  
“Sure.”, the brunette shrugged and gave Laura a smirk -albeit the confusion still not washing away from her face.

 

* * *

  
  
“How are you holding up with all of the…”, Carmilla trailed off, hoping LaFontaine would get the question.  
  
“With my ex-girlfriend not talking to me anymore?”  
  
“Yeah, I meant generally the whole situation.”  
  
“It’s fine really. She’s over there and I’m over here. I mean you and Laura at least see each other once in a while, but we both were doomed from the start I guess.”, the redhead shrugged.  
  
Carmilla was absentmindedly tapping her finger against the table top, which LaF caught onto, “I still guess that it’s not as easy as you just said.”  
  
“It’s not… Do you have something to tell me?”  
  
“I… Actually do.”  
  
LaF narrowed their eyes, “Spill. What is it?”  
  
“I’m moving to Boston at the end of this semester.”  
  
The redhead frowned, before comprehending the information, “What like… For good?”  
  
“Well I don’t know about _that_ , but I’m enrolled there for the next three years.”  
  
The science major blinked, “You’re gonna be only 2 hours away from me.”  
  
“Yeah.”, Carmilla chuckled at their realization.  
  
“You’re coming home!!!”, they paused, “Well, okay sorta.”  
  
“I’m coming home.”

 

* * *

 

  
  
“Seriously Laura, you couldn’t have just told me that you wanted to hang out in your apartment the night before my birthday?”, Carmilla asked the other girl, when getting out of the tiny car. A grey Toyota caught her eye. It was her brother’s, clearly, “Is Will gonna be here too?”  
  
(She had hoped to spend some time alone with Laura on the night before her birthday.)  
  
“Well yeah he’s your brother y’know and it’s his birthday too…”, the blonde nervously fiddled with the key in her hands, “Uhm… C’mon, let’s go upstairs!”  
  
  
They walked up the stairs and Laura was suddenly standing in front of her door and inhaled deeply.  
  
“Sweetheart, is everything okay?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. Those stairs, y’know? Phew. I’m so outta breath.”, the blonde made up a shitty excuse, while unlocking the apartment door.  
  
“You live in the second floor… Plus you work out on a daily basis… What’s up with-”  
  
  
“ **SURPRISE!!!** ”, ~~a clutch of~~ a lot of people screamed at once and Carmilla jumped up a bit.  
  
  
A surprise party. Of course. Why hadn’t she thought of that?  
  
  
“Creampuff, what is this?”  
  
“Well… A pre-birthday party. For you guys.”  
  
The brunette eyed the girl beside her. So insecure. And that’s not what she wanted her to feel like.  
  
“I love it!”, Carmilla suddenly blurted out.  
  
Well she didn’t hate it. That was enough.  
  
“Really? Because I know, you don’t really do those things and I really wanted to do something special and your mom said you never had those kinds of parties- Which figures, because you never had many friends- By which I don’t mean that you were unpopular, but like-”, she stopped in her ramblings, when the dark haired girl leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on her cheek.  
  
“Thanks Laura. It’s really sweet of you.”  
  
“Well… We’re actually just here to exchange gifts and stuff… But uhm like I’ve been planning for us all to go out to the bar just right beside my complex.”  
  
Carmilla looked around the room. She saw Kirsch and Danny smiling like the idiots they were, LaFontaine talking animatedly with one girl she never had seen (no J.P. apparently), then Will with his girlfriend- and _Wendy_.  
  
**That** was a surprise.  
  
The brunette gave that girl a small smile and the the dark haired girl with the pretty eyes looked away quickly.

And **that** was weird.  
  
  
  
  
“You like it?”, Danny asked, once Carmilla had unpacked her present.  
  
I was a copy of _Presence and Immortality_ by Gabriel Marcel.  
  
The brunette started smiling, “How long have you searched for this version?”  
  
“Oh, you know Aiden helped me with that actually.”, Danny responded. Aiden was their competent librarian and friend back in Arizona.  
  
One of Carmilla’s favorite people on campus.  
  
Laura watched that interaction with a smile plastered to her face. She loved the fact that those two got along so well now.  
  
“Awesome. She got you an existentialist shit book.”, the blonde giggled.  
  
“Best way to tell me, I’m getting older.”, Carmilla flashed her teeth and Laura got a little closer to her.  
  
The blonde’s wide smile and mischievous look caused Carmilla’s stomach to tighten, her heart to flutter and her knees go weak.  
  
_What was it about her?_  
  
  
  
  
“You can leave all your things here, y’know?”, Laura said to Carmilla. Both were in her small bathroom, a little shielded from their other friends that were already a bit drunk.  
  
“Well I wasn’t planning on taking all of that stuff with me.”, the brunette said with a chuckle and watched Laura fix her make up.  
  
As if she would need any, she thought to herself.  
  
“Yeah, I mean you can sleep here today.”  
  
“Oh.”, there was a short pause, before Carmilla decided to speak up again, “Uhm… You do know that I’m eighteen right? How am I gonna get into this ominous bar?”  
  
“We all have fake IDs, Carm. I’m gonna get you in there. How do you think I get by?”, Laura smiled at her and cocked her eyebrows.  
  
Carmilla clicked her tongue, “You’re such a badass. All this darkness has apparently worn off from me to you. We were together for a too long time, huh?”  
  
Laura shrugged, “I didn’t think that it was **that** long.”  
  
  
_Could have been longer._  
  
  
Was probably what both thought.  
  
  
  
  
“Hey.”, Carmilla approached Laura’s friend and held out her hand, “I’m Carmilla. I think we haven’t really properly been introduced yet and that’s tragic considering the fact that you were apparently dragged here to my birthday party.”  
  
Wendy gave her a tight lipped smile, and shook the outstretched hand, “Wendy, but you would already know that.”  
  
“Yeah, Laura told me a few things about you.”, Carmilla explained with a nod.  
  
“I’m sure she did.”, Wendy sighed, “Listen… If you came here all happy and stuff, because you won-”  
  
“ **What?** ”  
  
  
“Carm… I-”, Laura eyed the interaction between those two girls and her eyes widened (really how could she not have seen Wendy in that small place she called home?), “Wendy, what are _you_ doing here?”  
  
  
“Tara dragged me to this. I didn’t know what it was, until we parked outside your house. Don’t worry, I didn’t come here on purpose.”, Wendy explained her situation.  
  
“I wasn’t implying-”, the blonde got cut off.  
  
“No you weren’t. You’re always so innocent, aren’t you, Laura?”  
  
“Don’t talk to her like that-”, Carmilla tried to meddle.  
  
Wendy’s eyes snapped to the brunette, “You don’t get to talk to me!”  
  
“Can you two please not fight?”, the blonde looked at her fellow student with wide eyes. She never had been like that.  
  
  
“We’re not fighting. We never were.”, Wendy regarded Carmilla with direct eye contact now. Both were staring each other down.  
  
The brunette didn’t understand it. All she wanted to do was introduce herself to Wendy.  
  
She had not anticipated a conversation like this. Not when Laura and her were like this…  
  
“Because I never was a competition for _her_ , right? How could I ever compete against Carmilla Karnstein, hmn? I mean look at _her_ , she is perfect right?”, Wendy dragged everyone’s attention to herself, “At least I wouldn’t fuck around the second I was out of your sight, Laura.”  
  
  
Okay. **Woah.** Carmilla just blinked and quirked an eyebrow.  
  
  
“What the hell?”, Laura was the one to lose it completely, “Take that back!”  
  
Defending her girl’s honor or something- Not that Carmilla was- Ugh, so not the point!  
  
“I’m taking back our friendship. Just-”, the dark haired girl looked at Carmilla one last time, “Fuck, just be happy together, you two deserve each other.”  
  
And off she was. Her best friend Tara following, and Will also excusing himself.  
  
Kirsch was the first one to clear his throat and get the other people’s attention to the keg they had set up in Laura’s apartment.  
  
  
Carmilla exhaled deeply and her eye caught Laura’s concerned ones.  
  
  
  
  
“Hey? You okay?”, the blonde caught Carmilla sitting by herself on a chair far back in the kitchen corner of the apartment.  
  
“I sure am. I’m sorry for-”  
  
Laura immediately shook her head and placed a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder, squeezing gently, “You don’t have to apologize for anything, yeah? I’ll talk to Wendy, she probably still is hurt or something. Maybe she thinks I lead her on- Which I totally didn’t do. I was pretty obvious, I think.”  
  
“Obvious?”, Carmilla took the hand that was placed on her shoulder, “Sweetheart you just gotta smile at someone the way you do and they’d fall for you- Regardless of gender.”  
  
The blonde bit her lip and a slight blush crept up her face. _Ugh so helpless._  
  
“And hey, I didn’t tell Wendy… Y’know about the thing with-”  
  
Carmilla shrugged, “I’m guessing it was Will and his girlfriend somehow? They tell each other everything, right?”  
  
“Right… So you’re not mad at me, are you?”, Laura asked tentatively, stepping in-between Carmilla’s legs.  
  
They hadn’t been that close -without being together- in a long time.  
  
“No, I’m not.”, the dark haired girl tilted her head and closed her eyes, relishing the feeling of being oh so close, and so damn far away at the same time.  
  
Because they weren’t together.  
  
  
“Guys, wanna hit up the bar now or what?”, Kirsch asked in their direction with the slightest hint of smirk and Laura looked at Carmilla expectantly.  
  
  
“Uhm- Well, if you wanna go. Yeah sure, Laura has planned-”, the brunette started.  
  
“What do **you** want, Carm?”  
  
“I’m actually not up for drunk, imbecilic idiots jumping around me while they sing happy birthday.”, Carmilla admitted.  
  
“Okay! Then we’ll spend it here, maybe with some movies?”, Laura asked her.  
  
Carmilla nodded quickly.  
  
“But guuuuys… We have that whole keg to finish off…”, Kirsch pouted, Danny rolled her eyes at that one.  
  
“You can take that outside with you and finish it.”, Laura made a disgusted face, while saying that.  
  
“Well, we could still hit up the bar, right? I mean, if it’s okay with Karnstein that we’re celebrating her birthday without her… I was stoked to get out a bit…”, LaF chimed in, and almost everyone nodded.  
  
Danny and Carmilla locked eyes and there was a secret conversation going on.  
  
_‘Watch yourselves.’_ was the main thing the tall redhead meant to say.  
  
  
“You can all go. Laur probably will smother me with cookies and grape soda anyway.”, the dark haired girl remarked with a grin.  
  
  
  
  
  
“It was nice of them to come.”, Carmilla said thoughtfully, as she sat at the small dining table in Laura’s apartment and stretched out her limbs.  
  
“Yeah, I hope you enjoyed your time despite… Well despite it being completely **not** what I had anticipated.”  
  
“Well, I don’t like drinking myself to oblivion anyway.”  
  
“When did you start that by the way? Drinking, I mean.”, Laura sat down opposite to the brunette with a white box on the table.  
  
“Uh, I don’t really do it. It was just on some parties. You know me.”  
  
Laura nodded, “I do and that’s why I wondered. It was not likely for you.”  
  
“Don’t worry, sweetheart.”, Carmilla cocked her head towards the box sitting between them, “What’s this?”  
  
“Your birthday pie of course.”  
  
“You got me a birthday pie?”  
  
“A whole pie of apple goodness just for you, Carm… And for me. I’ll help you.”, Laura grinned, with her tongue in-between her teeth.  
  
“You’re cute.”  
  
The blonde shrugged, opening the box, and handing out a fork, “I try. And now… Dig in. I thought about ordering pizza too… This is the appetizer.”  
  
Carmilla shook her head in disbelief, “We’re not gonna eat that now, are we?”  
  
“Of course we are!”  
  
  
The dark haired girl suddenly placed her hand on top of Laura’s on the table and looked her in the eye, “Hey Laura?”  
  
“Yeah?”, the blonde’s heart threatened to melt away.  
  
There was so much contact, so much intimacy between them.  
  
“Thanks for doing this. And I’m not talking about the party, I mean that you’re giving me a second chance to prove to you that I can be your friend again.”  
  
  
Laura moved her hand to her own lap and eyed it warily, “About _that_ …”  
  
Carmilla’s heart sunk a little. Had she messed up already?  
  
“I don’t think I can do this…”  
  
Okay, she totally had messed up. Laura met Carmilla’s confused stare.  
  
“The whole friend-thing? I’ve been thinking about this…”, Laura continued.  
  
“I can be better! I can-”, Carmilla immediately cut her off. She wanted this so bad. Being close to her.  
  
  
Laura caught onto what she had caused Carmilla to think and huffed out, “No, Carm…”, she stood up and walked over to the brunette, “That’s not what I meant.”  
  
The blonde moved the chair Carmilla was sitting on with such an ease (ugh why did she have to be so strong) and sat on the brunette’s lap.  
  
Now **that** was a new thing.  
  
The dark haired girl gulped, “Uh, what did you mean then?”, her arms were hanging beside her body limply. She didn’t really know what she was supposed to do with them.  
  
Laura licked her lips and interlaced her fingers behind Carmilla’s neck.  
  
“I mean… I don’t want to be able to have you and **not** have you at the same time. What you said the last time about not being scared to ask for what you wanted… That stuck with me, because Carm, I’m not either. Not anymore. And we came a long way in those last four months, don’t you think? I mean, I know that you love me-”  
  
Carmilla had to interject, placing her hands on Laura’s waist, “Oh, you have no idea how much…”  
  
Laura nodded with a slight smile, “And I love you. And it may be crazy to jump into this… But I want to be together with you. Despite Arizona. Despite the odds. Despite the fact that we might end up like LaFontaine and Perry, bitter and broken-”  
  
Carmilla interrupted her again with a vigorous shake of her head and a squeeze to Laura’s waist (which made the blonde’s breathing hitch), “We won’t, I promise.”  
  
“What I’m meaning to say is, I’m all in, Carm. I’m willing to try this long distance relationship, if you are. Because all of this time I’ve been wondering why we didn’t just try it out, why we just gave up?”  
  
“I don’t know either…”, Carmilla admitted.  
  
The blonde moved her hands to smooth out the t-shirt her ex-girlfriend was wearing, eyeing the fabric meticulously. Her tongue poked out and dragged over her upper lip in the process. Carmilla just watched her face go from thoughtful to a soft frown.  
  
“Wait… So what does that mean now?”, Laura dared to look her in the eye and asked full of trepidation.  
  
“What do you think, Laur?”  
  
  
And really did Laura really need a clearer answer?  
  
How much clearer did Carmilla have to get?  
  
  
“I’ve wanted you back since I went to Arizona.”  
  
  
Laura leaned her forehead against the other girl’s, her breath was warm against Carmilla’s lips.  
  
  
“You love me?”, the blonde asked in a whisper and put her arms around the brunette’s neck again.  
  
Carmilla only nodded her head and also wrapped her own arms tighter around the shorter girl’s waist.  
  
“And you want to be with me?”  
  
“More than you’ll ever know.”  
  
  
They locked eyes and Laura could only give into that dark that was reflecting her own feelings.  
  
  
There was a moment, in which both looked at each other’s souls through and beyond what was conveyed in their eyes. They took another moment to acknowledge each other’s proximity. The next moment they realized that they were far too close to not be…  
  
  
Laura’s eyes dropped to the pair of lips that belonged to that beautiful, beautiful face and really what could Carmilla do, but grant her that wish?  
  
The dark haired girl placed her lips so tenderly on the ones that belonged to the girl she loved, who reciprocated almost immediately. It was like Laura was expecting her to kiss her, like she was waiting for it.  
  
The blonde buried her hands in dark locks, pulling ever so lightly, to get closer, she needed to be closer, so indefinitely closer. Carmilla ran her tongue over the ridge of Laura’s lips, and the blonde got the message and opened up.  
  
This. This was too much. Laura was surprised that she wasn’t falling apart at the contact. But that’s what happened, when someone had the ability to prevent that and cause that at the same time.

  
Laura was the first one to pull away, opening her eyes in time to see that the brunette still had them closed. Carmilla sighed silently and slowly met the blonde’s gaze.  
  
“Wow…”  
  
There was a small smirk on Carmilla’s face in response to that.  
  
“Uhm soo… Are we back together?”, the blonde asked and this made the other girl’s smile widen.  
  
“Mhmmm…”

 

* * *

 

 

Carmilla awoke with a familiar scent lingering in her nose and something warm lying on top of her. They had talked about a lot, in the previous night, eventually falling asleep due to tiredness on Laura’s bed -that apparently was very, very comfortable.  
  
The brunette opened her eyes slowly and buried her nose in blonde hair, _god she smelled so divine_. Laura’s grip around her tightened and she groaned.  
  
  
“Please, please noooo.”  
  
Carmilla chuckled, the vibrations of her chest making Laura raise her head a bit.  
  
“I forgot how cute you were in the mornings.”  
  
Laura rolled over, away from the girl, “You always think I’m cute.”  
  
“True.”, Carmilla followed her and snaked her hand around the blonde’s waist.  
  
  
Suddenly Laura shot up in bed, “ **Fuck!** ”  
  
“Now?”, Carmilla asked with a raised eyebrow and that smug smile.  
  
Laura rolled her eyes at her for that and slapped her thigh, “It’s your birthday and I don’t really have planned anything! I mean now that we didn’t go out and are not suffering from a massive hangover- I totally have to go out and-”, the blonde was already attempting to get up, but was dragged into bed by her arm.  
  
“Just relax, Laura. We had a ton of apple pie last night… Which I’m still feeling roam around in my stomach… So… Just stay in bed with me? You said it, it’s _my_ birthday... Okay and Will’s, but whatever...”  
  
Laura looked at the other girl, slowly getting into bed again. They were staring at each other for a long time, before the blonde found Carmilla’s hand under the covers.  
  
  
“You’re nineteen now.”  
  
_What a discovery!_  
  
Carmilla let go of Laura’s hand and scooted closer to her, running her fingertips over the blonde’s upper arm. Laura squirmed a bit.  
  
_Sensitive in the mornings_ , Carmilla remembered.  
  
“What do you wanna do today?”, Laura apparently couldn’t just hold still.  
  
The brunette closed her eyes for a bit and snuggled closer to her than she already was, “Just wanna lie here with you and do nothing.”  
  
“The whole day?”  
  
“Well apparently not in the evening, because we promised the family a birthday dinner?”  
  
  
“Oh yeah about that…”, the blonde started, but suddenly Carmilla was on top of her, staring down at her.  
  
“What about it?”  
  
Laura twirled a strand of dark hair between her fingers, before meeting Carmilla’s gaze, “Do we tell anyone?”  
  
The dark haired girl couldn’t care less in the moment, she dipped her head to meet Laura’s clavicle with her lips, still looking at the blonde, “If you want to…”  
  
“Well actually I’d like this to be a secret for a bit longer… Until we have figured out everything with the distance and all.”  
  
  
_Oh right, **that.**_  
  
Carmilla still hadn’t told Laura about the move to Boston.  
  
That could wait a little while longer. She didn’t mean to destroy the moment between them now.  
  
Not that it was bad news, but still.  
  
  
“If you say so…”, the brunette drawled and kissed an unknown trail up to Laura’s jaw, eliciting a quiet moan for that.  
  
Laura moved her face to meet Carmilla’s lips, a set of hungry kisses following, when the dark haired girl stopped in her movements and dodged Laura’s chasing lips. They locked eyes and the blonde was wearing a questioning glare on her face.  
  
“What is it…?”  
  
Carmilla suddenly sat up on the bed, ruffling through her hair.  
  
“Nothing, just… I’m getting hungry!”  
  
Laura watched her get into her bathroom, a little confused as to what the hell just happened.  
  
_Weren’t they just…?_  
  
  
She shook her head and got right up, following Carmilla to brush her teeth.  
  
“You just said you were full from pie...”  
  
“Yeah, but _you_ , my dearest Creampuff are probably gonna die on me, if you don’t get your sugar intake in the morning.”  
  
She was right about that.

 

* * *

  
  
“Did you have fun last night?”, Veronica asked during dinner at that fancy Japanese restaurant Laura took them to. She knew her way around now, ever since going to university and always was on the scoop for the best places to eat.  
  
“Yeah, I forgot to ask… How was it after we left?”, Will wanted to know.  
  
Laura and Carmilla shared a smile, before the blonde decided to elaborate, “We stayed in and ate pie. The others went out.”  
  
“You both stayed in? Alone?”, Greg asked that question this time and Laura knew her father well enough to know what he was implying.  
  
“Yes, as I said, we stayed in. It was a quiet night.”  
  
“It was lovely though. I haven’t had such a good time in like forever.”, Carmilla said sincerely and earned a beaming smile from Laura for the comment.  
  
“That’s great, darling.”, the mother responded to her daughter cheerfully.

 

* * *

  
  
“I love the fact that you drove me to the airport.”, Carmilla remarked with a slight smirk.  
  
“I also drove you the last time.”  
  
“True, but the last time you denied me a kiss on the lips. This time though…”, the brunette let her hand wander to the back-pocket of Laura’s jeans, buried it there and placed a sloppy kiss on the blonde’s neck.  
  
“Carm!”, Laura giggled.  
  
And it was always so, so delightful.  
  
“Gotta jet…”, the dark haired girl cocked her head towards her wristwatch, “Someone couldn’t keep her lips from mine in the car.”  
  
“I was just saying a proper good bye.”  
  
“Hmn say it to me now.”, Carmilla stopped right in front of her girlfriend.  
  
“Have a save flight and don’t forget to call me once you land and you know… Keep in touch, Carmilla.”  
  
“Of course I’ll keep in touch.”, the dark haired girl leaned in to place a chaste kiss on Laura’s lips.  
  
  
“I love you.”  
  
This was the first time ever since their first parting that Carmilla heard her say that to her, while saying good bye.  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
They smiled goofily at each other for a little while longer and eventually Laura let the other girl go.

 

* * *

  
  
Back at home, long after calling Laura to tell her that she had landed safely, Carmilla opened the scrap book to read yet another entry. This time with a content heart and soul.  
  
There was a picture of them both in New York City. They had gone there once in a couple of months, when school wasn’t kicking their ass.  
  
_‘Remember, when we said we’d travel the world together? I’m thinking of that just now… And I’m missing you. Not just as my girlfriend, but as my friend. Hope you’re having a better day today than I was having, when I wrote this down. It’s weird to foresee the future somehow. I hope you’re happy, Carm. I really do.’_  
  
Though she was happy, when reading this, and the reason for it was Laura, she felt a heavy tug in her chest.  
  
After some thinking though Carmilla had an idea…

 

 


	6. Spring Break Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla is good with gifts, when she's not trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend listening to the song I mention, because it is my favorite band and I just saw them live. Like literally just now. And now I have to wait for like 1 hour til I get home (it is 11:40 pm in Austria) And I had this presaved on my account, so here ya go.  
> The song kind of fits so perfectly to this fic. It does. (And omg, I just saw them perform it live)

**Flashback**  
_One year ago._  
  
_“Have you found a dorm yet?”, Laura asked, head in Carmilla’s lap with magazine in her hand, reading the latest scoop on some celebrities._  
  
_The dark haired girl set aside the laptop that had been sitting on her stomach, “Yeah I’m still fighting for a single-bed in the one on campus.”_  
  
_Laura hummed, turning over a page. Carmilla looked down at her, bracing herself on her elbows, to be able to._  
  
_“What about **you**? Did you decide yet if you want to commute from home or did you already look up some places?”_  
  
_The blonde shrugged, now regarding the other girl with eye-contact, “I guess for now home has to do. I don’t want my dad to pay for something that isn’t necessary yet… I want to be able to do this on my own.”_  
  
_Ah yes. Laura and her need to be independent from everyone. Carmilla on the other hand had gotten an access to a trust fund for her eighteenth birthday. Her mother’s European side of the family was very wealthy._  
  
_Laura resumed to reading her gossip magazine, while Carmilla observed her doings. She seemed so distracted in the last couple of weeks. The blonde had always blamed it on school being tough, but now they were free. There were merely a couple of weeks of school ahead of them, with most of their finals already done. It was May, they had spring break._  
  
  
_“You gonna read that thing the whole day?”, the brunette dared to ask, dragging Laura’s attention once more towards her._  
  
_“It’s fun.”, Laura chuckled._  
  
_“I know **something else** that’s fun.”, Carmilla drawled._  
  
_Laura didn’t even look up, “Oh yeah? What?”_  
  
  
_The dark haired girl deflated, “Seriously?!”, it came out harsher than intended._  
  
_“What?”, finally the magazine was shut and Laura was staring at the cover._  
  
_“What’s with you? Did I do something?”_  
  
_“What? No, why would you think that?”, the blonde sat up in a cross legged position and turned to meet Carmilla’s eyes._  
  
_“Because you don’t spend as much time with me anymore.”_  
  
_Laura sighed, “Carmilla, we live together. There is **no** **more** spending time together than this.”_  
  
_“But we don’t spend it together-together. You’re always doing stuff for our school committee thing, or busy with studying-”_  
  
_“I’m sorry that I care for my grades…”, she sounded irritated._  
  
_“There is nothing you have to study for now. We are on our spring break!”_  
  
_“I’m spending time with you now, aren’t I?”_  
  
_“Yeah, reading whatever bullshit magazine. That’s really quality time that we’re spending here, sweetheart.”_  
  
_She didn’t intend to sound so harsh, but Carmilla was one to bottle up her feelings and when they came out, it always sounded like she was the biggest jerk there was. She was in control of that right now though. In the past she had said much more horrible things._  
  
  
_“What is your fucking problem?”, Carmilla rolled her eyes, “No, seriously, Carm. What’s your problem here, because I obviously am not getting anything.”_  
  
_“You don’t let me touch you, you barely kiss me anymore. You’re not acting like we’re a couple.”_  
  
_Laura’s expression faltered for a second, giving away her initial -her real- feelings, before it hardened, “That’s not true.”_  
  
_Carmilla scoffed, getting up from the blonde’s bed, “Yeah, maybe not for you, but that’s how I feel. You may not notice, how you treat me, but I do.”_  
  
  
_Laura’s lips were forming something, but she didn’t know what to say.  
  
Silently she watched as Carmilla walked over to her own bedroom and shut the door loudly. _  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“What’s with you and Elvira?”, Danny asked her best friend that was busy watching said girl in another section of the dining space at their school.  
  
They **never** sat apart from each other._  
  
_“Nothing.”_  
  
_“Because usually you two are sucking face or throwing heart-eyes at each other… Not sitting miles apart.”_  
  
_“Are you guys fighting?”, Natalie asked, while looking back to the table where Carmilla was sitting._  
  
_The brunette hadn’t touched her food, a book was propped up on her arm as always, but anyone who was watching her for more than five minutes, knew that she wasn’t really reading. She still was on the same page. Carmilla was a fast reader, and there was **no way** that she hadn’t finished yet._  
  
_Not that Laura had been watching her for that long -or that she had noticed._  
  
  
_“We’re giving each other space.”, Laura shrugged and smiled, “You know… We’re not the usual couple. Living together and all drives us nuts. It’s good sometimes.”_  
  
_“Uh huh… In a year of you two dating, I have never heard any of you complaining that you spend too much time together.”, Danny remarked skeptically._  
  
_“Just let it go, okay?”, Laura asked of her friends, who both nodded and shot each other a knowing look._  
  
  
_They knew about their problem: Arizona._  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_It was day 5 after the argument, when finally Laura took the courage to speak to her girlfriend._  
  
_“You missed school today.”, the blonde sat down on the couch beside the other girl, who was mindlessly zapping through the channels on the TV._  
  
_“I was feeling sick.”, the brunette responded, eyes still on the screen._  
  
_“You don’t seem sick.”_  
  
_Carmilla’s head snapped to her, “And you would know?”_  
  
_“Carmilla…”, Laura gave her a pointed look, “Listen, can we just stop fighting?”_  
  
_The dark haired girl was watching TV again, “I wasn’t aware of us fighting.”_  
  
_“Really? What do you call that then? You don’t talk to me, you didn’t kiss me for whole 5 days and-”_  
  
_“Funny of **you** to say that.”, Carmilla scoffed._  
  
_“Stop that…”, the blonde asked of her, pleaded._  
  
_There was so much hurt in that voice, Laura -her Laura, who was one of the strongest people Carmilla knew- sounded so small, so vulnerable, so fragile._  
  
  
_Something changed, when Carmilla put away the remote and shifted a bit, “Come here.”_  
  
_Laura looked at her, observing her for a moment, probably considering or maybe fearing that this was a trap._  
  
_“Come cuddle with me.”, the brunette asked of her directly this time and Laura nodded her head quickly, moving to lean into Carmilla. A warm feeling embraced her almost immediately and she tried to keep her composure, because whenever they were close, she threatened to break. Her facade threatened to break._  
  
_And she knew. She knew. And that was the reason she didn’t let herself be too close to Carmilla._  
  
  
_“I love you.”, the brunette whispered into her hair and kissed her temple._  
  
  
_That’s when Laura broke down completely and Carmilla didn’t question it, she just held her, while she cried, professing her love over and over, as if that would make it all go away._  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“… we’re all branching out into different directions with our expectations and wishes for ourselves -as well as our loved ones- held high. Thank you all for those wonderful years at Silas High with you! It’s been a ride!”, Laura ended her speech at graduation and everyone cheered and clapped, standing up._  
  
_A tear escaped the blonde’s eyes, when she saw all her friends scattered in the big crowd._  
  
_Funny, she thought. That’s how it was going to be. Scattered, separated. In the far back she saw Carmilla, unaffected as ever. Who came and went how she pleased sometimes. Who still completed high school with one of the best results of their class. The brunette gave her a smirk, when she saw Laura look in her direction._  
  
_She’d miss that._  
  
  
  
_Laura was talking to SJ and Natalie, when she felt two familiar hands snake around her waist and a kiss being placed on her cheek._  
  
_“Come here for a second.”, the brunette took her hand and started walking, without waiting for a response._  
  
_Laura was dragged away from the crowd and to a fairly empty space under a tree, “Carm, what are you-”, Carmilla silenced her with a kiss._  
  
_“Your speech was great.”, the dark haired girl leaned in again, Laura dodging her lips, making Carmilla place a wet kiss on her cheek, but the girl didn’t stop. She moved to her neck. Carmilla knew, how to make her knees go weak._  
  
_Oh so well._  
  
_Laura leaned into the contact, her words voicing the opposite, “Stop… You’re messing up my-”_  
  
_Carmilla clicked her tongue, “Okay, okay, I’ll stop… Killjoy.”_

  
  
_“We graduated, Carm.”, the blonde finally seemed to realize._  
  
_“Yeah…”_  
  
_“We’re officially out of school.”_  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“I’m selling my car.”, Carmilla announced some days into July, while the couple was having dinner at their favorite Italian restaurant._  
  
_Laura looked up from her pasta, but remained silent._  
  
_“You know, because I won’t need one in Phoenix and I wouldn’t know how to get it there anyway, plus there’s also the struggle with finding a parking spot, because I can’t have my car-”_  
  
_“We have to break up.”_  
  
  
_Carmilla blinked._  
  
  
_“What?”, she croaked._  
  
_“You’re right. You were right. I can’t do this. Whenever you talk about Arizona- This- I can’t. I can’t bear to be with someone who I can’t be with physically. This isn’t about you holding me back or anything, but I just don’t think I can do it.”_  
  
_Carmilla shook her head, “We are not talking about this now.”_  
  
_“What?”_  
  
_“Not now.”, the brunette put on a smile -as fake as ever- and continued eating her food._  
  
_“We have to at some point. Those are **your** words, Carmilla.”_  
  
_Those were her words. She always wanted to talk about the outcome of their relationship, but she would be gone in a few weeks and the thought made her stomach turn. Now was too real._  
  
_“Not while we’re having dinner, **sweetheart**.”, Carmilla said with another tight lipped smile -so fake again that Laura wanted to gag- and placed her hand on the blonde’s, who didn’t retreat._  
  
_The reason for her not to draw back her hand wasn’t the fact that she wanted to have her hand there, but because she was petrified, after seeing through Carmilla._  
  
_After seeing the horrified glint behind those dark eyes that feigned nonchalance._  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_“One last time, eh?”, LaFontaine said to the group of friends that were all pretty quietly chewing on their food, “Oh c’mon peeps, this isn’t so bad. We’re all gonna go off to college and have different lives from now on, but that doesn’t mean that life’s ended.”_  
  
_Carmilla snorted._  
  
No, but other things did end.  
  
  
_“It really isn’t **that** bad.”, Danny finally agreed with them on one thing._  
  
_“Easy for you to say. You get to take your puppy dog with you.”, the dark haired brooder remarked._  
  
_“Well yeah, but I can imagine that seeing each other after some time apart has its perks too.”, the tall redhead replied._  
  
_“Oh and the sex probably is better!”, LaF chimed in. Everyone stared in their direction, when their face changed to the color of their hair._  
  
_“I wouldn’t know.”, Carmilla shrugged and looked at Laura, who had chosen to sit beside Perry across from her. The blonde was rolling her eyes._  
  
_Yup, they hadn’t parted well._  
  
_“But you will.”, Kirsch grinned goofily at Carmilla and then at Laura, “You both will…”, the look on his face told everyone that he was imagining said thing and for that he earned a ‘KIRSCH!’ and a smack on his head from his girlfriend._  
  
_“Nope we will not.”, Laura spoke for the first time, also looking at Carmilla directly now, “We broke up.”_  
  
  
_“WHAT?!”, almost everyone said in unison._  
  
  
_The blonde shrugged, “It’s not a big deal you guys. It was inevitable. A long distance is not really what I signed up for.”_  
  
_Carmilla snorted, “I don’t think people sign up for people, but well…”_  
  
_“That’s not what I meant. Stop putting words into my mouth!”, the blonde countered._  
  
_“Guys, not here, please.”, LaF scolded and the group resumed to quietly eating again, sharing an awkward silence._  
  
_It seemed like some things did end._  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
_Carmilla was sitting on a tree stub, eying the scenery in front of her. She wouldn’t get to be there anymore. This was her hideaway, her secret place in the outskirts of town. Every time she felt like suffocating in her own four walls, she retreated to that place._  
  
_A place that seemed to be untouched. The grass was unmown, growing in different directions, the trees that made out a vast forrest had thick stems. The tallest buildings of her hometown seemed to meet the sky from where she was sitting._  
  
_Suddenly a familiar car pulled up and halted just right beside her mother’s that she had borrowed._  
  
  
_“What are you doing here?”, she asked the only person she ever told about that place._  
  
_The only person she ever showed._  
  
  
_Maybe she showed her too much, she sometimes thought.  
  
Maybe sharing too much of yourself would give someone else the absolute power, she thought. _  
  
_And then on other days she’d laugh about herself._  
  
_She’d given Laura all the power over her long before she had realized it._  
  
  
_Laura shrugged and made her way towards her, hands in the pockets of the shorts she was wearing._  
  
_“I needed some time alone and figured you’d be here…”_  
  
_“Your words are contradicting, Creampuff.”_  
  
_The blonde chuckled, “When are they not?”_  
  
  
  
_“You are a bitch sometimes, you know that?”, Carmilla finally said after they had shared a moment of silence._  
  
_Laura’s eyes grew wide, but then both fell into a laughter._  
  
_The blonde conceded, “I am sometimes… True.”_  
  
_“Mhm… But I get it.”, Carmilla took Laura’s hand and tugged her down, so that she was sitting beside her on the stub._  
  
_“Do you?”_  
  
_They looked at each other, the dark haired girl tilted her head a little, “You’re hurting and I’m the cause, so naturally, yes, I do get that you wanna throw horrible words at me.”_  
  
_Just a few hours ago Laura had accused Carmilla of being a the worst person she knew._  
  
_And it was funny, really. Because the brunette forgave her so easily._

_**Love.** _

_Yeah, that’s what that four lettered word did to people._  
  
  
_“But I don’t mean to be like that. I really wanna be friends, Carm.”_  
  
_“We will. We are. Just give us some time.”_  
  
_Laura hummed in response and rested her head on Carmilla’s shoulder, “Do you think that either of us will ever marry and have kids… Like… Do you think we’re gonna be happy with someone else? Do you think there is someone out there for us?”_  
  
_It hurt to hear her say that, but Laura needed comfort. She needed to know that this wasn’t it._  
  
_And Carmilla always had been good in delivering what the blonde needed.  
  
Since the very beginning. She had said it.  
  
_ “Sure, whatever you need.”  
  
_It still echoed through her mind.  
_  
  
_“Of course… Laura you’re so lovable… You could have anyone you want and… I think anyone would be lucky to have you in their life.”_  
  
_“Yeah? Do you think marriage would suit me?”, Laura interrogated further._  
  
_“Mhm, I can imagine you in twenty years or so… With a family… You know the white picket fence thing and all…”_  
  
_“With kids?”_  
  
_“You’d have three of them. Blonde little angels and I’d love them all. I’d be the cool aunt or something.”_  
  
  
_Laura sat back up straight and leaned her elbow on Carmilla’s shoulder, “Do you want kids?”_  
  
_The brunette snorted, “I didn’t even like kids, when I was a kid.”_  
  
_“So you don’t want them?”_  
  
_Carmilla shrugged, “I would want them with the right person, I guess. I don’t know yet.”, Laura hummed and nodded, occupied by her thoughts._  
  
  
_After some time the dark haired girl spoke up again, “But there is no one who would tolerate me anyway, so…”_  
  
_“True…”, Laura giggled, “You’ll be screwed, when I get married to someone else. When I’m off the market...”_  
  
_Carmilla shook her head and let out a small laugh, “I will, yeah.”_  
  
_She meant it._  
  
  
_“We should just marry each other.”, Laura said to the other girl after a minute or so._  
  
_“What?”_  
  
_“Would save us both a lot of trouble right? I’m serious. In a few years, when we both have scored hot shot jobs and are living in some cool city…”_  
  
_“It’d require us to be in the same city.”, Carmilla snorted._  
  
_“Oh c’mon, can’t you see it? It’s a fantasy, play along.”_  
  
_“Yeah… I can see it… We’d probably shag all the time.”_  
  
_“Carmilla!”_  
  
_“What? I just wanted to spice it up a bit… Sorry.”_  
  
_“Ugh, you kill all my fantasies.”, Laura pouted and Carmilla wrapped her arm around the blonde’s shoulder._  
  
_“Oh c’mon, being married to me isn’t really a good fantasy. You can do better, Hollis.”_  
  
_Laura just smiled to herself and made a mental note to relish the last few days they had left together._  
  
  
  
_And maybe sometimes it didn’t hurt to hold onto fantasies._

 

* * *

  
  
“And you’re together now?”, Perry sounded excited. Laura was smiling like a kid in a candy store -or _herself_ in a candy store.  
  
“Yeah, we’re back together.”, she confirmed.  
  
“Oh my gosh, that’s really great. I’m happy for you, I really am Laura.”  
  
“Thank’s Perry. It feels really great too, even though she’s on the other side of the country at the moment… I haven’t felt this happy in a long time. It was good. She was so sweet and- I- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so excited about this, this is probably annoying to you-”  
  
“Not at all. I love that you are sounding so excited. She’s good for you.”, the redhead sincerely said, “You two will be able to work it out.”  
  
“We will. I mean, I don’t know how the next years are going to be, but I’m willing to go that road, if it means I’ll have her in the end. I’ll always choose her.”

 

* * *

  
  
She had dreaded it.  
  
Work. At Wendy’s parents’ place.  
  
Because work meant seeing _her_. And she didn’t want to see her. Because seeing her meant confrontation and while Laura liked a good heart-to-heart talk, she also always wanted to be loved by everyone.  
  
And in this case she couldn’t win.  
  
Because loved by Wendy meant most probably unloved by Carmilla and she couldn’t risk that. She would _never_ risk that. It was that simple. Because being loved by Carmilla was the most simple thing. And yet so complicated, because she didn’t understand it at times.  
  
Laura was such a mess. And so hard to love. How could someone like Carmilla love her?  
  
And that’s why she held onto that love. And that’s why she gave the equal amount back, if not more even, because it was so simple to love her. It was so easy, because she was so, so lovable.  
  
How could she not do something that seemed to be the most logical thing in the world?  
  
A love that fell into place, like a key into a lock.  
  
  
  
“You’re here.”  
  
It was Wendy’s voice that made the blonde stop in her doings -meaning cleaning the table tops with a wet rag- and look up.  
  
“I work here.”, Laura responded. The most logical answer.  
  
Because Laura always needed the rationality of it.  
  
“I just didn’t-”, the dark haired girl started, but then deflated, shaking her head as if to say ‘forget it’.  
  
“You just didn’t what?”  
  
And she couldn’t just stop there.  
  
Laura loved confrontation.  
  
And she dreaded it at the same time.  
  
“I didn’t expect it, I guess. Which was dumb and I am **not** dumb.”  
  
Laura sighed, “Will this thing between us be like this forever? Because we’re gonna have to endure at least one more semester together.”  
  
“I just don’t know what to say to you. What would make you happy?”  
  
“Tell me that we can get past this thing. Tell me that you accept that I don’t like you like that. Tell me, you respect my girlfriend -or at least me- enough to not talk shit about her in front of me.”  
  
“I’m trying- I just-”, she huffed out a breath, clearly not knowing what could be the right thing to say.  
  
  
The bell that hung over the door chimed, indicating that there was a new customer and equally Laura’s cue to leave the conversation where it was.  
  
_Saved by the bell._  
  
  
Time, Laura thought later on that day.  
  
Everything falls into place, if you just give it time.

 

* * *

  
  
“Hey kitty.”,  
  
Carmilla squinted her eyes, even though her twin couldn’t see it, “Why are you calling me?”  
  
“We haven’t spoken in a while. You never text me anymore.”  
  
“Yeah well, you must forgive me for being a little pissed that you told your girlfriend about something I told you in confidence.”  
  
There was a pause. Caught.  
  
Will sighed, “Yeah about _that_ … I’m really sorry. I sometimes forget that girls tell each other everything… Tara kind of thought Laura and Wendy would make a good couple and maybe encouraged her a bit, while telling Wendy about your _you know_ …”  
  
  
And it was funny, really. Because she didn’t care for it anymore. She had Laura. Love did that to you.  
  
  
“Let’s forget about it. Tell me, how’s business school?”

 

* * *

  
  
Laura was rearranging some pictures on the wall in her bedroom at the Karnstein manor, when her phone rang. The name that lit up her screen -as well as the picture- made her heart skip two beats.  
  
She picked up immediately.  
  
  
“Hey, Carm!”  
  
“Hey.”  
  
The blonde walked over to her bed and plopped down on it, lying on her back, eying the ceiling.  
  
She felt like a teenager again. Well, technically she still was a teenager, but she thought she was out of the lovey-dovey phase. Especially since Carmilla and her had been dating prior to their now relationship.  
  
Still everything felt so new.  
  
So tingly and fresh.  
  
“I know, it’s late for you, but uh- I really wanted to hear your voice. Hope that’s okay.”, Carmilla admitted, plus she really had to check up on something.  
  
  
It was some time after midnight, for the blonde.  
  
  
Laura smiled, “It’s okay. You don’t need a reason to be calling me. I love hearing your voice too.”  
  
She did. Every low rasp. Every drawl. Everything about Carmilla just was perfect to her.  
  
  
“How was your day?”, Carmilla wanted to know.  
  
“I’ve been doing laundry mostly and have been reorganizing my bedroom at home.”  
  
There was a moment of silence, “And uh did you get outside? Took a walk? Played with the neighbor’s cat?”  
  
Laura furrowed her brows, “Huh? What are you talking about?”  
  
“Have you checked the mail today?”, finally the brunette spoke with a quiet groan.  
  
“The mail?”  
  
“Yes the mail, Laura. Go check it.”  
  
“Why-”  
  
Carmilla chuckled, of course she would make it hard, “Please, go look.”  
  
  
  
  
“There is something for me, yeah.”, Laura knit her eyebrows again -all not perceivable for the other girl.  
  
“Open it.”  
  
What a fail it would have been, if it wasn’t what Carmilla thought it was.  
  
The blonde followed the orders and ripped open the envelope, before taking out its contents. There was a letter. Laura smiled at the sentiment.  
  
  
  
“You wrote me a love letter and sent it per mail?”  
  
“Read.”, Carmilla ordered once again, in a soft tone, but Laura could hear the impatience out. She was curious now.  
  
  
  
_Sweetheart,_  
  
_I’m hoping this letter reaches you in time, though I’m not really worried about that. Say, how are you? All fine? I’m guessing we’ve been texting and calling each other every once in a while by now. I just came back from home, from you, and let me tell you, I loved spending every second with you._  
  
_And then I read something in that scrap book you made. It was the entry about travelling the world together, and immediately had an stellar idea. Spring break is in just a few weeks/days -depending on when you receive this letter- and I was thinking about having you over. You’ve never been here, and I would like to show you my life here._  
  
_I hope you don’t mind me making plans for you without asking, but I just really wanted to have you here. I included the ticket with this letter, but will also send you the electronic copy of it via email._  
  
_In love, Carm_  
  
_P.S.: You look beautiful today._  
  
  
  
“You want me to come to Phoenix?”, Laura asked -a little dumbfounded.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Carm…”, the blonde finally eyed the ticket that Carmilla had printed out for her.  
  
“I know you don’t like it when other people plan out things for you or tell you what to do- Or when I buy you stuff that you deem to be able to buy yourself, but I really want you here and-”  
  
“Shut up. It’s the greatest thing ever.”  
  
“Wait, what?”, Carmilla was the surprised one now.  
  
“I said it’s great. I would love to come visit you… I mean, I’ll have to take off from work, but I think, I can manage.”  
  
“Yeah? Really?”, Carmilla’s voice was so full of joy.  
  
And yeah, it made Laura’s own heart fill with joy too.  
  
“Mhm, best thing you could gift me.”

 

* * *

  
  
“I was thinking about going on a trip. The whole family, when Carmilla comes home. During spring break, what do you guys say?”, Greg asked one night while having dinner with his favorite people.  
  
“Carmilla is not coming home in May.”, Veronica responded.  
  
“Oh yeah… About that… I won’t be home for spring break either.”, the blonde managed to utter.  
  
Every head on the table turned towards her.  
  
“Laura, you shouldn’t always work so much. You’re always busy with school or soccer or work…”, her dad scolded.  
  
“I have that from my father.”, Laura replied with a smug look, “Besides, I’m not working. It’s just… I’m going somewhere.”  
  
“Where are you going?”, Will joined the conversation now, “With whom?”  
  
“Alone. I…”, Laura looked down, “I’m flying out to Arizona… Carm sent me a ticket to go see her and I am planning on going there for a week.”  
  
  
“Oh really?”, Veronica arched an eyebrow.  
  
  
Carmilla really was her mother’s daughter. Flesh and bones.  
  
No wonder that her own father had fallen for that.  
  
Because Laura was her father’s daughter.  
  
And she too had fallen in deep.  
  
  
“She sent you a plane ticket to go see her?”, Will was grinning in that one certain way.  
  
And yes, he also was Carmilla’s twin.  
  
“Don’t make a big deal out of it, Will.”, the blonde rolled her eyes.  
  
“But it is a big deal. You two couldn’t stand being near each other just some months ago, and now are planning on spending a whole week together? Where are you going to stay?”, Greg asked.  
  
That was a good question, “I uhm, have to ask Carm about it.”

 

* * *

  
  
“Where am I gonna stay?”  
  
Those were the first words Laura had said when Carmilla picked up her phone.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Where do I sleep, eat, shower? During my stay in Phoenix, I mean. What do you have planned?”  
  
Carmilla laughed, she honest to god laughed, because Laura was so unbelievably adorable.  
  
“With me of course. I have a dorm room with a bed that fits two people easily.”  
  
“What do I tell our parents? My dad’s gonna freak, when he hears I’m staying in your room. And what about your dormitory? Wouldn’t they like… Kick you out or something if they knew about me being there?”  
  
“Let me worry about that. And as for our parents… Just tell him, I’m gonna take care of that. That’s vague enough.”  
  
Laura dragged her tongue over her lips, thinking about the offered answer for the first time.  
  
  
“I’m going to stay with you?”  
  
“Yes. Is that a problem?”  
  
“What? No, it’s not. Not at all.”  
  
The blonde didn’t know where it came from, but she suddenly was a little nervous to spend such a ‘long’ time with Carmilla alone. And it was absolutely ridiculous, because she had been living with that girl in the past, they had been dating each other for over a year.  
  
“You sure? Because uh- I can also book you a hotel-”  
  
“No, no… I just… It’s gonna be you and me, without anyone disturbing us. Without parents lurking around or anyone else in that matter… And we haven’t spend such a long time completely alone. Ever.”  
  
“Aren’t you looking forward to a week in solitude?”  
  
“I am… I totally am. It’s still surreal.”  
  
“What is?”  
  
“You and I, I mean. That we’re doing this.”  
  
Carmilla’s heart sunk at those words, “Are you regretting your decision?”  
   
“What? No! Not at all, Carm! I’m just saying that it’s a little unused to, but I’m really looking forward to spending some alone-time with you.”  
  
A sigh of relief, “Me too. I really miss you.”  
  
“Only two more weeks.”  
  
“Thirteen days, yeah.”

 

* * *

  
  
“Laura, can I talk to you for a bit?”, Greg asked his daughter, who was sitting on the porch to their house and reading something for her class. She set aside the book and nodded.  
  
“What’s up?”  
  
  
“I must say, I was a bit surprised when I heard that you were going to visit Carmilla in Phoenix.”  
  
“Uhm, well yeah. She and I had a little bit of an argument and she’s kind of trying to make it up to me.”, the blonde explained vaguely enough.  
  
“There is nothing else going on?”  
  
The girl rolled her eyes, “What do you want me to say dad?”  
  
“I’ve seen you hurt yourself over whatever there is going on. You may think I’m oblivious, but I’ve seen the way things were between you the last couple of times. She adores you, of course she does, but I also know that the distance isn’t doing you any good.”  
  
Laura huffed out a breath, “I know. I’ll be cautious, I promise. You don’t have to worry. Carm’s not gonna hurt me.”  
  
  
Greg wrapped his daughter in a side-hug and kissed the top of her head, “And I hope you are not staying in the same room.”  
  
Laura barked out a laugh, “Of course you’d be worried about that.”

 

* * *

  
  
It was only May. But really, what had Laura expected? Of course Arizona would be grossly warm.  
  
The blonde had been on an airplane for about six hours now, which was air-conditioned and all, and now she was out there in that harsh sun with a thousand degrees. At least the air in the airport was somewhat tolerable, but she was exhausted. Her legs carried her through customs and then after that, the tired security guy had looked into the blue passport she had handed over, and gave her a quick nod.  
  
She was too deeply engrossed with her thoughts about how the hell Carmilla survived in that kind of weather -and still managed to be as pale as a polar bear(!)- when said girl called out her name.  
  
Seconds later she was hugged from behind and assaulted by a familiar… Tall redhead.  
  
  
“Danny?”, the blonde finally managed to turn around and there she stood behind her best friend.  
  
A scowling Carmilla.  
  
Her heart was racing.  
  
  
“Yeah, Carmilla told me, you’d come and my flight back home is in two hours, so I thought we could go grab a bite before I fly.”  
  
Laura just really wanted to jump Carmilla and kiss her face and hug her and- but she contained herself.  
  
“Cool.”, the blonde cocked her head towards the brunette, “Hey, Carm.”  
  
Totally _not_ a couple.  
  
Carmilla approached the blonde slowly and wrapped her arms around the girl.  
  
“I’m sorry it was all her. I couldn’t stop her.”, she whispered to Laura and kissed her cheek as a greeting.  
  
Just as the brunette was about to pull back completely, Laura interlaced their fingers and held her in place.  
  
“We can tell her, Carm.”  
  
“Are you sure?”, Carmilla asked, a little surprised by Laura’s spontaneity.  
  
“If you are gonna tell me that you’ve been sleeping with each other again, I will kill you both.”, Danny said with an annoyed eye-roll.  
  
“No- We didn’t.”, the blonde quickly interjected, “But something better! We’re back together!”  
  
Danny frowned for a second before a little smile tugged on her lips.  
  
“You are? No fucking around anymore?”, she looked at Carmilla, “I didn’t mean literally…”  
  
“Yeah, we are dating again!”  
  
“Took you long enough!”, Danny pulled both of them in a hug, “Im so happy for you!!!”  
  
“Yeah it’s gonna be a pain with the distance and all, but I’m committed.”, Laura said proudly and bumped her shoulder with Carmilla’s.  
  
There was something in Danny’s eyes that the brunette immediately caught onto.  
  
_Does she know that you’re moving?_  
  
She shook her head to indicate her _‘no’_ and the redhead continued with smalltalk.  
  
Laura remained as oblivious as ever to that little interaction.  
  
  
“Where’s Kirsch?”  
  
“The puppy dog is flying in later.”, Carmilla replied to her girlfriend, who just nodded.

 

* * *

  
  
“It’s so fucking hot here.”, Laura said once they were through Carmilla’s door.  
  
Considering the fact that Laura had landed at 11 and were done eating lunch with Danny at around 1, they had spent the rest of the afternoon out sightseeing and visiting Carmilla’s university. It was a sentimental moment for her too, because she knew she would be there for about one more month. Getting to experience everything with Laura made it more memorable.  
  
“I was aware of it.”, the brunette chuckled and snaked her arms around Laura’s waist.  
  
The blonde dodged Carmilla’s lips that were aiming at her cheek, “I’m gross. Don’t kiss me. I still smell like airplane.”  
  
“I don’t care. I’ve kissed you in a much worse state. Sweat and dirt covered from your soccer matches.”  
  
“Ugh.”, Laura shoved Carmilla away from herself, “See? I need to shower.”  
  
“Okay, okay. You go take a shower and I’ll go out get us some food?”, the dark haired girl suggested.  
  
“Oh…”, the blonde bit her bottom lip, “I was actually hoping that you’d... Uhh... Join me…?”, she drawled.  
  
  
Carmilla felt her heartbeat race up. She absolutely wanted to, but they hadn’t been this intimate since November, and she didn’t want something to happen. Like something quick in her dorm shower, just because she couldn’t keep her hands to herself.  
  
  
“Carm?”, Laura was suddenly standing right in front of her. Had she blanked out?  
  
_Goddamnit._  
  
“Yeah? No, I showered today…”, not a lie, “You do your thing- And I’m gonna be back in twenty minutes… With burgers?”  
  
“Uh yeah.”  
  
“Good.”, Carmilla pecked her quickly on the lips, before walking out of the room.  
  
  
  
“You cleaned your room.”, Laura noticed when they were finished eating and already halfway into the movie they were watching.  
  
“Yeah, I can’t have my new, old girlfriend be disgusted by me.”, the brunette wrinkled her nose, and the blonde leaned into her side on her bed, both watching some sappy chick flick on the laptop that was resting on the nightstand.  
  
  
Laura turned her head, “Hey Carm?”  
  
“Hmn?”  
  
“Are you gonna explain to me why you’re acting like that?”  
  
“Like what?”, Carmilla was genuinely confused.  
  
“We’re on your bed and you haven’t even dared to touch me appropriately **or** inappropriately in any way.”  
  
_That obvious._  
  
“Haha, are you thirsty much?”, Carmilla said with a smirk, but her girlfriend knew her all too well.  
  
Laura furrowed her brows, “No, I just would like to know what’s up with you. This isn’t you.”  
  
“I’m just…”, Carmilla turned her body, “It’s dumb, really, but I was just trying to be considerate, because it’s been a while and-”, she looked up, obviously a little bit embarrassed, “I don’t wanna ruin anything. And I didn’t want you to think that I wanted you here, just because this means we can fuck without having to worry about our parents and-”  
  
“How can you be so cute and disgusting at the same time?”, Laura shook her head with a grin.  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
The blonde was smiling adoringly, taking the brunette’s face into her hand, “You’re cute when you’re trying to be sweet.”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
“But you can touch me though, you know that right? I mean, I looooove cuddling with you.”  
  
To emphasize her point, Laura took one of Carmilla’s hands and guided it to her waist, lying down and snuggling into the pillow. The dark haired girl laid down beside her and both resumed to watching the film.  
  
  
  
“This… I’ve missed this.”, Laura spoke into the night, shortly before she drifted to sleep on that day.  
  
  
She was met by a nod and a kiss to her neck and everything fell into place.  
  
And it really was easy loving Carmilla, when they were like that.  
  
Nothing made more sense than loving her, Laura knew.

 

* * *

  
  
The couple was enjoying yet another day at campus, when Laura suddenly had the idea of stuffing their faces with cafeteria food (because she wanted to compare hers to that in Carmilla’s university). The brunette was trailing her nose up Laura’s temple (possibly being creepy and trying to trace the scent on that girl back to something she knew).  
  
  
“You smell different.”, the dark haired girl remarked.  
  
“It’s _your_ shampoo, Carm.”  
  
“Right, right.”  
  
  
“Karnstein! Haven’t seen you in a-”  
  
_Oh hell, no._  
  
Caroline stopped in her tracks and eyed the blonde beside her friend, a beaming smile bloomed across her lips, “You have company.”, the smile became an awkward one.  
  
Carmilla rolled her eyes. That should not happen. In no universe should that happen.  
  
  
Laura turned to Carmilla, “Uhm?”, her face twisted in confusion, as she slowly began recognizing the features. Long, blonde hair… Perfect body….  
  
_This must be Carmilla’s study buddy_ , she thought to herself. The one sucking her face. And the one fu-  
  
  
“Can you not?”, the brunette started, but was interrupted by her fellow student.  
  
“I was on my way to-”, Caroline started, already trying to backtrack and go anywhere but there.  
  
“Yeah you should-”  
  
“You should join us.”, Laura interjected sweetly and Carmilla looked at her wide-eyed. She had to have an agenda.  
  
  
  
“Laura.”, Caroline smiled once she had gotten her food and sat down opposite to the couple, “She’s even prettier than on pictures.”  
  
“You too.”, Laura shot back and Carmilla looked at them both in trepidation of what might happen next.  
  
“Oh shoot! I forgot to introduce myself… I’m Caroline.”  
  
“I know, who you are.”, Laura bit back. Though somewhat politely.  
  
  
Laura had seen her in those facebook pictures. No one needed to know that.  
  
Would they be jumping on one another? Okay no, they wouldn’t.  
  
Laura would. Laura would totally kick Caroline’s ass.  
  
  
Caroline seemed to lay off the cool and sighed, before saying her next words, “Laura, listen. Whatever you think about me, it’s not true. Or okay, maybe it is true… But I never meant to do anything that would hurt another person. I genuinely didn’t know any of your history, thanks to Ms Broodypants over there, and had I known or-”, she clearly struggled with the real words, “What I mean to say is, whatever happened, was in the past it was _nothing_ and I shouldn’t be the reason you two not giving your relationship a second shot or whatever, because clearly Carmilla’s so **not** over you.”  
  
“You’re such a dumbass. We are giving it a second shot. Why do you think she’s here?”, Carmilla’s voice sounded like something between bored and annoyed.  
  
“Oh yeah…”, realization hit the blonde, “Oh my god! You **are** here! In Arizona! You two are sooo getting back together, right?”, she seemed overjoyed.  
  
“Yeah… We did get back together...”, and Laura didn’t know what to make of it.  
  
How could she hate her now? She was literally the nicest person she ever met.  
Even though Laura had imagined to do something horrible to her, she couldn’t think of anything bad.  
  
Carmilla nudged the girl beside her, “You okay there?”  
  
“Yeah- No, I see it now… I totally would sleep with her too.”, Laura remarked.  
  
The brunette beside her choked on her drink and coughed vigorously.  
  
  
“Babe, come on over here.”, Caroline winked in Laura’s direction and the blonde really complied and sat beside her.  
  
Carmilla -still trying to catch her breath- looked at them both with wide eyes. What was happening?  
  
Laura threw an arm around the blonde -trying not to be too awkward- “Carm, are you jealous now? Am I getting you back for what you did?”  
  
“Actually…”, the dark haired girl drawled, “This is a dream come true.”, she chuckled, when she got hit by two bunched up napkins.  
  
  
“I like her, I really do.”, Laura giggled, but put on a serious mien and regarded Caroline with it, “But if you ever touch my girl again, I’ll probably cut off your hands or something… Kidding!”  
  
The blonde beside her narrowed her eyes, “I’m not sure which part to believe, but no worries. She’s all yours.”  
  
  
  
“This cannot be the reality...”, Carmilla sighed and returned to her food, while Laura started telling Caroline about embarrassing stories from their past.

 

* * *

  
  
It was a miracle. It really was. The week before Laura had come visit Carmilla was filled with sunshine and hotness. It was dry, no humidity at all, plants were turning yellow because of the sun shining too roughly and now that Ms Sunshine herself was in the state, she brought rain with her.  
  
  
“I seriously can’t believe it.”, Carmilla was shaking her head in disapproval, trying to find some shelter to shield her from the rain. She was like a cat sometimes, Laura would say and in those moments it seemed to be true.  
  
“Come on, live a little.”, the blonde tried to avoid things that prevented her from getting wet.  
  
“Sweetheart, **no**. I don’t want to be sick and I don’t want _you_ to get sick either.”  
  
However Laura never was one to follow her orders. She ran up to the middle of the street -luckily there was no car in sight- and closed her eyes. Carmilla watched her get soaked through, and of course she didn’t just let her stand there alone. She approached her, making sure there really was no traffic, keeping her eyes open for Laura. Being Laura’s eyes in that moment, because Carmilla would be everything she’d need.  
  
“This- Carm. Rain. Finally after this drought.”  
  
“You’ve been here for four days. You have no idea how hot it can get.”, Carmilla stated dryly.  
  
The blonde opened her eyes and grinned, “Come on, don’t be grumpy.”  
  
“You don’t be stubborn, cutie. You have spent enough time in the rain, don’t you think? I don’t want you to get sick. Your dad’s gonna kill me, if he gets his little girl back with a terrible cold, and I don’t wanna explain to him that I can’t say _‘no’_ to his daughter.”  
  
“Oh my dad thinks you’re doing much worse things with me anyway.”, Laura finally tugged on Carmilla’s hand and dragged her along, they were almost at Carmilla’s dorm.  
  
“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”  
  
“Carm, my ex-girlfriend asked me if I wanted to spend a whole week with her… What do you think my dad- Or even your mom in this matter are thinking about that?”  
  
“I don’t know… Have you mentioned anything to them?”  
  
Laura shrugged, “We’re adults. We can do whatever we want. If I want to be in a relationship with you, they can’t really forbid it. Because I choose you, despite the whole distance and all.”  
  
Carmilla stood still, causing the blonde, who was walking ahead to stop and drop her hand. Laura looked back in confusion and turned fully. They were almost in Carmilla’s dorm -where it was not raining.  
  
  
“What? Did I say something wrong?”  
  
The dark haired girl smiled slowly and shook her head, “No… Not at all…”  
  
Laura came closer and looked at her questioningly, both not caring about the rain anymore, “What is it?”  
  
Carmilla cocked her head towards the entrance to her dorm, “Tell you inside?”  
  
  
  
  
They were halfway through the dorm room door, when Carmilla sort of blurted out the words, “I’m moving to Boston, Laura.”  
  
There she said it.  
  
The blonde’s brows creased and she needed a moment to grasp, “What?”  
  
“At the end of this term… In exactly one month… I’m going away from here for good. I was accepted in Boston. Everything’s ready. It’s not only a possibility, I’m doing this.”, the last part was meant for Carmilla herself.  
  
She hadn’t told Laura, because she wasn’t sure, and then she hadn’t told her because she didn’t want her to think Laura had to be together with her now that she was doing such a ‘selfless’ gesture and now she couldn’t contain herself anymore, because she was so happy and at the same time a little sad that this chapter of her life was ending.  
  
Laura’s frown wasn’t replaced yet, her eyes darted to each of Carmilla’s, “Boston? We are talking about Boston in Massachusetts, right? On the east coast? That Boston?”  
  
Carmilla broke into a smile and a breathless, “Yeah.”, she chuckled, “ _That Boston_.”  
  
  
“How along have you known?”  
  
“I’ve applied in semester break. I knew for sure by the end of February.”  
  
Carmilla had expected a hug or a kiss even, but instead there was a furious Laura standing in front of her with what seemed like tears in her eyes. The dark haired girl reached forwards, wanting to wipe them away, but Laura dodged her hand.  
  
“You knew for about _three fucking months_ and haven’t told me that?”, the blonde slapped Carmilla’s arm, “I’ve been going on and on about how this will be hard and you knew all this time that you- You are such an asshole, do you know that?”, Laura shoved the other girl once again -although too lightly. She was capable of doing more, Carmilla knew this much.  
  
“Can you stop for a second?”, the brunette held out her hands, “Laura, I wanted to be absolutely sure… And had I told you in February… I thought I’d manipulate you into wanting me back. I wanted you to want me back because you love me and not because our relationship would be convenient again.”  
  
“You never were something convenient to me…”, Laura paused, “Is that what _I_ am to _you_?”  
  
Carmilla’s eyes grew wide, “No of course not!”  
  
“Okay…”, Laura nodded, apparently more to herself, “You’re not gonna be all the way out here.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“You’re going to Boston…”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“And I can drive over to you, whenever I feel lonely. I don’t have to wait for the next break or whatever to see you…”  
  
Carmilla blinked, “Exactly.”  
  
  
Laura looked at Carmilla through her lashes. She was thoughtful and a little hesitant even, when she slowly started to approach the dark haired girl. Carmilla didn’t know if it was going to be yet another assault, so she stepped back a bit.  
  
The blonde didn’t have it though and yanked the other girl towards herself by her tee (that still was soaked through by the way) and began kissing her like it was a punishment. It was violent and rough. The brunette took that over the shoving though.  
  
_What a great punishment._  
  
  
“We should get out of these wet clothes.”, Laura suggested and Carmilla was fast in agreeing.  
  
The brunette found the zipper on the skirt the blonde was wearing and opened it, making the piece of clothing fall onto the ground, her own t-shirt following and then there were hands -Laura’s, to be precise- that were roaming around her newly exposed skin.  
  
“Can I?”, Carmilla asked, tugging on the hem of Laura’s top.  
  
“You really don’t need to ask me now.”, the blonde rolled her eyes.  
  
Mentally though she found it absolutely endearing.  
  
Carmilla didn’t ask any more questions, and soon enough they both were stripped down, leaving a pile of wet clothing on the floor.  
  
The brunette took another moment to look at the absolute gorgeous girl that stood in front of her, before indulging into kisses that were intoxicating. Laura as a human being was intoxicating for her, in the most exhilarating ways.  
  
Laura wrapped her arms around her neck, and pulled her in closer, causing for their bare skin to touch for the first time in half a year. This was like their first time all over again. Though the blonde was sure that Carmilla was being more nervous this time around, because she had heard her sharp intake and had felt the slight trembling in her body.  
  
Carmilla was daring enough, when she started pushing away the blonde (still wet) hair to a side, to be able to trail kisses up her girlfriend’s collarbone and on the underside of her jaw. Eliciting low moans and an occasional hum in approval. Laura didn’t let that continue for too long though, and turned her head to capture Carmilla’s lips in a searing kiss.  
  
  
“You should have told me.”, the blonde murmured in-between kisses.  
  
Carmilla just nodded and backed Laura up against her bed, until both fell into it, causing the mattress to make a weird creaking noise.  
  
Laura giggled, while the brunette busied herself with planting kisses to the blonde’s sensitive skin on her neck again and down the expanse of her chest.  
  
  
“Laur, now really is **not** the time to laugh.”  
  
The girl underneath Carmilla pressed her lips together and nodded eagerly, but failed with keeping her laughter at bay.  
  
The brunette let out a sigh and sat up, straddling Laura’s hips, “What’s so funny?”  
  
“It seems like your bed’s sounds are audible from down the streets. Everyone’s gonna know what we’re doing here.”, the blonde remarked with a laugh, but now that Carmilla wasn’t hovering above her anymore, and looking down at her with one risen eyebrow (totally naked too), she had to gulp and stop being a goof.  
  
_Ohmigod._  
  
Carmilla seemed to grow impatient, and got up from the bed and took her phone and put it into her docking station, turning the speakers on.  
  
“What are you-”  
  
Suddenly the room was filled with [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF_VzOIECHM) and Carmilla climbed back onto the blonde, “Are you going to shut up now about it?”  
  
(Seriously listen to the song: [HONNE - Good Together](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF_VzOIECHM))  
  
Laura smiled gently at the other girl now, no annoying giggles anymore, and for a moment only listened to the lyrics. Carmilla listened too and at the right moment she sang along into Laura’s ears _‘Cause I would go the distance for you, baby… I’d travel 'round the world if you would let me’._  
  
The blonde shivered from hearing her girlfriend sing/whisper into her ear and pulled her down to meet her lips with her own, parting them much too quickly with her tongue to be as close to Carmilla, as possible, in every aspect.  
  
Her hands wandered from Carmilla’s neck to her back, and to her arms, to her waist- Laura couldn’t get enough. It was an overload of want.  
  
(She really needed to get laid.)  
  
The dark haired girl spread Laura’s legs open with one of her thighs and positioned herself between them, kissing down a path between the valley of Laura’s breasts and down to her navel. The blonde closed her eyes and tangled her hands in Carmilla’s hair. She arched her back with every touch of the brunette’s lips. Carmilla was setting her on fire.  
  
Carmilla hovered above Laura’s center and stopped in her ministrations, trying to match gaze with her girlfriend and when Laura finally opened her eyes, she just glared at her.  
  
“Do you need an personal invitation, Carm?”  
  
The brunette quirked up her eyebrows, ready to say something, but then just shook her head with a smirk and dipped down.  
  
  
_And holy crapsticks, did Carmilla get better?_  
  
  
Her tongue was working its magic between her legs and it really wasn’t Laura’s fault that she was melting away with how well Carmilla knew how to get her off.  
  
  
“Fuck me.”, Laura hissed out from in-between pants and moans.  
  
And Carmilla shook her head again, with how impatient the blonde was, but then again they did have the whole night and the whole rest of the week for her to take her sweet time, so she gave Laura exactly what she wanted.  
  
Carmilla entered her, pleased with the way Laura was ready for her.  
  
“Oh god yes.”, the blonde’s fingers knotted in dark hair, and her grasp got tighter, she met Carmilla halfway to her release, arching her back off the mattress because she needed just-  
  
  
  
  
“Hey Laura?”  
  
“Yeah?”, the blonde smiled down to where Carmilla was resting her head on her stomach and looking up with a devilish smirk.  
  
_Oh no._  
  
“I was just thinking… This really was _spring break_.”, Carmilla grinned goofily and it took the blonde a second, but when she got the -exceptionally bad- pun, she rolled her eyes.  
  
_That freaking creaking bed._  
  
“You’re such a dork. And you’re annoying.”  
  
Carmilla pouted, “Is that a way you talk to your…”, her voice dropped -what seemed like- a few octaves, “ _Verrrry skillful girlfriend?_ ”  
  
“Ugh, see? Annoying.”, Laura groaned and the brunette got up with a chuckle, kissed the blonde shortly and went to find her scrap book, “Where you goin’?”  
  
“Be right back…”, luckily Carmilla found the thing right away and turned to the bed, deciding on where she could sit/lie down again.  
  
  
“Come here.”, Laura motioned towards the empty space beside her and the other girl complied.  
  
  
Carmilla opened the last page, “Here… Read for yourself.”  
  
Laura didn’t remember making that page, and when she looked more closely, she recognized Carmilla’s handwriting.  
  
_‘This is the acceptance letter of UoSS in Boston. I am going to Boston, we are going to start a new chapter in our life and I couldn’t be more excited. I love you, Laura.’_  
  
Underneath Carmilla had glued parts of the letter to the page.  
  
  
“Carm! You cut that letter?”  
  
The dark haired girl snorted, “Of course not. It’s just a copy.”  
  
Laura inhaled deeply and blinked a few times, trailing her fingertips over the letter.  
  
  
Realization still hadn’t hit her.

 

* * *

  
  
“It’s funny to see _you_ off for once.”, Carmilla remarked once they were standing at the gate of the airport, Laura all ready to leave the hot weather for good.  
  
Because yes, Carmilla Karnstein was moving across state again.  
  
“Yeah totally weird.”  
  
“Do you have everything?”, the brunette asked.  
  
Laura leaned forwards and kissed her shortly, “Now I do.”  
  
“I like… Text me, when you land and you know the usual shit about being safe.”  
  
The blonde huffed out in annoyance, “Oh yeah you care for me a lot, I see how it is.”  
  
“Shut up.”, Carmilla secured her in her arms, “You know exactly, how much I care for you.”  
  
“Yeah…”, Laura met the brunette’s gaze, “You’re even moving to another state for me.”  
  
Carmilla frowned, “Na-ah, who told you that bullshit?”, but then she laughed softly, so unguarded, and Laura found it utterly beautiful and couldn’t believe for a moment that this girl- this woman loved her.  
  
  
“What?”, the dark haired girl arched an eyebrow.  
  
“You’re just the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story shifted from fluffy flashbacks with heavy main story to heavier flashbacks with fluffy main story.  
> And this is the last one with a flashback in it. We're coming to yet another ending of one of my fics.
> 
> Next one's gonna be some big compilation of an epilogue- Don't know how to explain.  
> However key essence: I'm wrapping this fic up soon! Probably on the 24th of August, though I'm not sure.
> 
> And the bored girl (lol, what a joke) I am, I have a new idea for a story again.  
> It's an AU, where celebrities are fake dating. [Undeniable Chemistry - Fake Dating AU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7797832/chapters/17789857)  
> Check out, if you want to. Or not. I just had the idea in a coffee house and had to write it!


	7. ... Some Other Beginning's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm's sure about something. And so is Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the last installment of this fic that grew on me.  
> But everything ends eventually, so here it is!  
> It's the 24th already for me, so enjoy!  
> Thank you all for your support! :)

“When you gave me that coupon for a weekend getaway, I never imagined to do this with _you_.”, Laura lazily stated, while turning over to look at her girlfriend, who had already propped up her head on her hand, supported by her elbow, and had been watching the blonde.  
  
“Me neither.”, Carmilla admitted.  
  
“Sooo… Are we gonna get out of bed and explore the city or did you want to stay in here all day?”  
  
“I actually thought that we’d make plans for this summer. You get to be around _me_ for whole two months.”  
  
“I’m so excited. It’s kind of like we are redeeming the horror summer we had last year.”  
  
“Oh c’mon, it wasn’t _that_ bad, now was it?”  
  
“We broke each other’s hearts and tiptoed around each other. I wouldn’t really call it a well-spent summer.”  
  
“You broke _mine_. _You_ broke up with _me_.”  
  
“We broke up in mutual agreement.”, Laura reminded the other girl with a pointed look.  
  
“Because I saw that you were hurting and you proposed to break up first.”  
  
“But I wanted you back right after.”  
  
Carmilla sat up, “If I had given in, who knows if we still would be together. Maybe we would have grown to resent each other. Just like the ginger twins.”  
  
The blonde couldn’t really argue that anymore.  
  
“Whatever… Now we are better versions of ourselves and totally ready for each other.”  
  
“Mhm, and now I’m ready to dive into my break and spend some quality time with my lovely girlfriend.”  
  
Carmilla threw herself onto Laura and instead of kissing her -like the blonde had anticipated- she started tickling her.  
  
  
“Oh my god! Stop! **You’re the worst**!”  
  
“Take that back… What am I?”, the dark haired girl asked with a risen eyebrow.  
  
“Annoying.”  
  
Laura got attacked again.  
  
“Great! You’re great! **You’re great**!”  
  
The blonde was writhing beneath her girlfriend.  
  
  
“That’s what I thought.”

 

* * *

  
  
In their second year of college she finally made it to one.  
  
Carmilla always was one for the surprises. Meaning she liked to surprise people. Not that she liked being surprised.  
  
It had been the first game in spring, after the new season had started, when it happened.  
  
Carmilla really did make it to one of Laura’s soccer games.  
  
She just drove the three hours to surprise her girlfriend. All week the blonde had been nervous to play against some school from Connecticut. She had not stopped talking about it. And the good girlfriend Carmilla was, she had listened to everything, and now she had been graced with the cancellation of some classes, and had that stupid crazy idea to surprise the blonde.  
  
It was a good decision.  
  
The look on Laura’s face, when she had caught sight of her lover was so absolutely worth it.  
  
  
“Ohmigod! Carm! What are you doing here?”, the blonde asked, once the referee blowed into his whistle, indicating that the ninety-plus-something minutes of sweat covered ladies running around on a field had ended, causing for the player to climb over some barricades to get to the brunette.  
  
“Uhm. Hey to you too. I was just in the neighborhood and you know…”, the dark haired girl shrugged and clicked her tongue, “Surprised?”  
  
Laura took the opportunity to hug Carmilla to death, probably covering her in whatever dirt and whatelse- It really didn’t matter now, because the brunette was not appalled or mad, she was just so, so happy to see her girlfriend.  
  
And it hadn’t even been that long since she’d been home.  
  
_Ten days._  
  
Carmilla couldn’t even make it ten freaking days.  
  
That was the time she knew that Laura Hollis was as addictive to her as sugary confectioneries probably were to the blonde.

 

* * *

  
  
When they were in their third year of college, Laura took a 6 month internship at a local newspaper in proximity to where Carmilla’s apartment was. It wasn’t exactly in Boston, but it was the best solution, as it meant being together for 6 whole months without having to live off phone calls and longing text messages.  
  
They got their break.  
  
  
  
“Happy anniversary.”, Carmilla smiled at the fireworks going off and Laura rolled her eyes, kissing her girlfriend tenderly, before resting her forehead against her shoulder.  
  
“Happy new year, Carm.”, she whispered.  
  
  
  
“So technically we’re together for 4 years now.”, the brunette started, once they were settled onto the little balcony of her apartment, both packed in thick jackets, sitting next to each other on a bench.  
  
“Minus the 9 months in which we weren’t together. Why can’t we just count fresh? Your birthday two years ago, when we got back together?”  
  
“Because that’s my birthday, and we can’t have our anniversary on my birthday.”  
  
Laura turned to meet the other girl’s eyes, “But you’ll happily take New Year’s?”  
  
“Okay, how about we take the 27th of November?”  
  
Carmilla waited for it to click in, and when it did, Laura began smiling broadly.  
  
“The day we first kissed… Okay fine. But still, the count goes back. We had a 9 month hiatus.”  
  
The brunette groaned, “Fuck that. If anyone asks, I have been dating you for 4 years.”  
  
Laura relented finally and settled into her girlfriend’s side, snuggling impossibly closer.  
  
  
“Hey Carm?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I’m a little bummed out that we didn’t spend Christmas with the family this year… But I’m really glad that I get to spend it with you. Here.”  
  
“Me too.”

 

* * *

  
  
Laura cried at Carmilla’s graduation ceremony. And so did her stepmother.  
  
  
“She’s beautiful.”, the blonde whispered, and Veronica took ahold of her hand.  
  
“She is.”  
  
  
Carmilla didn’t know that Laura would be able to make it -with her own finals on mind and all- but was extra happy, when she learned that the blonde took the time for it.  
  
  
“What are you even doing here? Don’t you have to study?”, the dark haired girl asked.  
  
“I drove in with my own car.”, the blonde shrugged, “I just really wanted to see you…”, Laura dragged her hands over Carmilla’s shoulders, smoothing out the fabric of the gown that she was wearing, “I’m so fucking proud of you.”  
  
“Are you crying?”  
  
“What? Pfff, **no**!”, Laura wiped at her eyes, earning a smirk for that.  
  
“I love you. So, so much. Thanks for being here, sweetheart. This means so much.”  
  
“I know…”, the blonde quickly pecked her lips and hugged her, to hide her tears.  
  
  
They had accomplished so much in those few years together.  
  
And this was yet another chapter that both of them went very separately, but together.

 

* * *

  
  
Everyone was in town for Laura’s graduation. Even Perry made it. She had been in the country for a few months anyways and had promised the blonde that she would come to her party at Karnstein manor.  
  
The blonde had a secured job in her hands. She would start at a small local newspaper, not too far away from where she was currently residing. She still hadn’t moved from that place. Laura had been living alone there anyway, and the rent was affordable with the small writing jobs she managed to get during college.  
  
Her and Wendy never worked out. They never became friends. Laura quit at ‘The Anglerfish’ after discovering her love for journalism and that was it.  
  
It all had been a blur. Laura worked hard to get where she was. All of the memories crashed together upon her, as she wallowed in them.  
  
How she had walked into the lecture hall of her university for the first time, or how she had won countless trophies with her soccer team, how Carmilla even had managed to come to some of her games, everything.  
  
  
  
“I can’t believe that she is here.”, LaF chugged down yet another can of beer and eyed the familiar redhead from afar.  
  
“Oh c’mon, it’s been more than three years now. Give it a rest.”, Laura encouraged her friend.  
  
“Do you think she’ll talk to me?”, the science nerd asked and the blonde sighed.  
  
“Were Carmilla and I _that_ painful to watch?”  
  
“You have no idea.”  
  
“Go to her and find out.”, Laura prompted and they actually did listen to her.  
  
  
“Hey.”, LaFontaine pressed their lips together.  
  
Perry looked more beautiful than they remembered. She wasn’t that girl from high school anymore.  
  
She was a sun kissed redheaded beauty with dark red lipstick and compelling eyes.  
  
“Hello LaFontaine.”, she smiled warmly. She couldn’t bring herself to glare at them.  
  
“Long time no see.”  
  
“How have you been doing?”  
  
“Oh… You know… Still working on my doctorate and trying to save the world, but other than that… How about you? Have you been studying your ass off _in_ …?”  
  
She shook her head, “I actually didn’t pursue my degree. I took over the family business. I actually… Work here now.”  
  
LaF’s jaw dropped, “Since when?”  
  
“For a while now.”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
Perry didn’t need to answer that one.  
  
“Right.”, the science ginger stopped themselves, “Soooo…”, awkward silence was not their forte.  
  
“We should go out some time. Catch up.”, Perry offered.  
  
“I’d like that.”  
  
  
  
Carmilla hadn’t talked much to her girlfriend all day. Occasionally there would be a comment here and there, but mostly she stayed in the background and observed everything. Danny approached her and sat down beside her.  
  
“What is it? Why aren’t you more happy for Laura?”, the redhead asked.  
  
The brunette snorted, “You don’t know what you are talking about, Lawrence. I’m even happier than her.”  
  
“Then why are you here all broody and gloomy?”  
  
The dark haired girl bit her lip and looked over to her friend, “I was just thinking about things…”  
  
“What things?”  
  
“I think we’ve reached that time.”  
  
“Time for what?”  
  
“Five years. When you’ve been together with someone for five years, then you just know. I know. She’s the one.”  
  
Danny blinked, “What do you mean?”  
  
“We talked about getting an apartment together eventually, when I get a job and all… But this is it. Do you understand? **She** is it.”, Carmilla searched for Laura’s eyes in the crowd, and when she found them, she smiled.  
  
  
“I’m gonna marry her.”

 

* * *

  
  
It had been a long and exhausting day for the blonde. Her editor was a pain in the ass sometimes, and that meant she spent some extra hours in the office. Laura just really hoped to take off some steam. She knew that her girlfriend was at home and really just wanted to lose herself in her that night.  
  
Probably literally.  
  
“Carm, I hope you’re not tired yet, because after the day I had, I need you to really-”, Laura stopped dead in her tracks, when she saw that both her father and Carmilla’s mother were sitting on their couch. Her cheeks flushed with color, and she wanted to be able to turn back time so badly, “Hey!”  
  
“Hey sweetheart.”, a voice brought her out of the little awkward staring contest she had with both of their parents, and when Carmilla leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek, she instinctively drew back. She didn’t need Greg and Veronica to have more graphic images than they already were having in their inner eye.  
  
Carmilla didn’t think much of it, as she just had entered the living room and had not been around for that little interaction of those three (she was occupied with her own thoughts anyway).  
  
“I hope you don’t mind that I decided to have our parents over for a little chat and some coffee.”, the brunette said, while placing two mugs of coffee in front of Greg and Veronica. They were still trying to fight the images that were now flooding their minds.  
  
Quietness.  
  
  
Laura followed her girlfriend into their kitchen and slapped her arm, once they were out of earshot.  
  
“You could have texted me or called me! Or emailed me, or telegrammed me or faxed me… Or sent me Morse codes… ANYTHING!”  
  
“What? What the hell are you even talking about?”  
  
“I just came home and said something really inappropriate- Well I didn’t really get to the part, but they totally know now and-”  
  
“Know what?”, Carmilla was completely confused.  
  
“Ugh…”  
  
The dark haired girl started to grin, “What did you say, Laura?”  
  
“Just that I was tired and would like you to do me. Well, I didn’t come _that_ far-”  
  
Carmilla started laughing out loud, getting impossibly closer to Laura, “Is that so…?”, she drawled and gave her lover a once-over.  
  
“Stop. They probably can hear us. I don’t need to scar our poor parents for eternity... Why are they here anyway?”, Laura decided to save herself trouble by getting more turned on than she was already.  
  
“I asked them over, because I wanted to talk about things.”  
  
“Things?”  
  
Carmilla just shook her head, “Just about the apartment… Did you want a coffee too? I’ll make you one.”  
  
Laura nodded, “That would be great, thanks honey.”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
The blonde placed a kiss on Carmilla’s cheek, before deciding to finally get out of her work clothes.  
  
Carmilla watched her walk away, thinking about the fact that they had become so horribly domestic.

  
And that it felt right. She was doing the right thing.  
  
Confirmation. In its best possible way.

 

* * *

  
  
Another sign that it was about time, came in just some weeks later.  
  
  
“Carm?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Are you happy?”  
  
The brunette looked up, meeting Laura’s nervous gaze. Carmilla moved her hand to take the one of her girlfriend, gently pulling on it, until she turned it over, palm touching palm. Fingers intertwining, while they still were walking down the street after dinner.  
  
  
“Of course I am. **You** make me happy.”, they stopped in their movements.  
  
“Yeah? Even though we ended up in this weird town? Even though I am sometimes struggling with my half of the rent? Even though I can’t offer you anything you deserve?”  
  
The look on Laura’s face sort of broke Carmilla’s heart. She was meaning it.  
  
“We live thirty minutes away from New York. You wouldn’t be struggling, if you just let me take care of the rent, and are you completely out of your mind? You are _everything_ I need, and you are more than I deserve!”  
  
Laura’s face softened, she even smiled and took a steadying breath.  
  
“Then I need to tell you.”  
  
Carmilla, who had averted her gaze back to her floor, looked up, hugging her jacket tighter to her own body, “Tell me what?”  
  
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”  
  
The dark haired woman frowned, not getting the point -or actually getting it, but she didn’t understand, how Laura had beaten her to it...  
  
  
“Are you proposing?”  
  
Laura’s eyes grew wide, “What? _No!_ Well not really… I- But I’m planning to! God- That’s not what you say to your- Just forget what I said okay?”  
  
“I can’t forget what you said.”  
  
“Okay… But like… Don’t freak out now. I just told you that, because I want you to know, how serious I am.”  
  
“Good.”, Carmilla nodded shortly, “Because I’m being serious too.”  
  
Laura gave her a smile and they resumed to walking.  
  
Internally the brunette was thanking all the deities that Laura hadn’t ruined her planned proposal for her.

 

* * *

  
  
It wasn’t like any of them had anticipated it. It wasn’t even remotely romantic.  
  
Carmilla had imagined it to be on the rooftop of some bar in New York City, or maybe up in the air, while enjoying a ride on a hot air balloon, those cliché things.  
  
However it was in their shared bedroom, out of nowhere.  
  
  
  
“I really, really am turning old.”, Laura complained, while seating herself on the edge of the bed.  
  
“Mhm, 23 is a big number.”, the brunette was brushing her teeth, with the door to their bathroom ajar.  
  
“It’s boring. Nothing interesting ever happens at the age of 23.”  
  
  
Carmilla was done, sauntering over to the bedroom and getting her clothes ready for bed.  
  
Laura got rid of her shirt and sat down on the bed again, ogling herself in her topless state. Her body had changed. Of course it had. She wasn’t regularly playing soccer anymore. Her job was draining her out. She sometimes barely had energy to keep her girlfriend satisfied (not that she would ever admit it, because she would always make time for _that_ ).  
  
  
“Carm?”  
  
“Yeah, sweetheart?”, the brunette turned around, shooting her girlfriend a questioning look.  
  
“Did I gain weight?”  
  
Carmilla snorted, forgotten was the top she wanted to change into, and approached the other girl. The brunette placed herself between Laura’s legs, arms resting on the blonde’s thighs and looked up.  
  
“You are the most beautiful, stunning, breathtaking-”  
  
“Okay, okay, I got the point.”, Laura rolled her eyes and crouched down to meet Carmilla’s lips. It was a slow kiss, lazy. But not lazy in a _‘I don’t want to make the effort’_ kind of way, but lazy in a _‘I’m content with this’_ kind of way.  
  
  
“Marry me.”, Carmilla sort of just blurted it out. Breathlessly.  
  
Laura backed away, her hands finding the ones of the brunette that were resting on her own thighs.  
  
“What?”  
  
The dark haired woman needed a short time realizing what she just said, but instead of taking it back, she repeated in a calm voice, “Marry me. Say yes. Be my fiancée. I want you forever.”  
  
“You’re serious.”, Laura looked at Carmilla. Scrutinizing? Wondering?  
  
  
“I’ve never been more serious in my life.”, Carmilla stood up and stalked to their shared closet, getting a small box out of the pocket of her leather jacket.  
  
After fetching said thing, she placed herself between Laura’s legs again, same position. She was on her knees.  
  
As if she were kneeling in front of a goddess. Her personal goddess.  
  
Because she was.  
  
  
Laura’s eyes grew wide, as she realized that Carmilla was opening a box that revealed a ring. (An engagement ring!)  
  
“I bought this three months ago. I thought about it for at least half a year, and I knew for sure when we moved together. You are the one I wanna spend my life with. And I know this isn’t overly romantic. I didn’t take you out for dinner, I didn’t get the champagne in the glass or the marching band or firework. I didn’t plan a getaway, I didn’t flood our bedroom with rose petals and candles. I didn’t even dress myself up, like you would deserve it…”, Carmilla took one of Laura’s hands and kissed the back of it, “You deserve so much… But I would like to think that you are the white to my black. You are the sun to my moon. You are my best friend, and the best partner one could have. We’ve gone through so much. And I would like to think that I deserve you too… So this is me asking, Laura. This is me asking for you to say yes to anything life may bring us. This is me asking you to say yes to me. This is me, asking you to marry me.”  
  
  
The blonde was speechless. For far too long.  
  
  
“You have to say something…”, Carmilla’s heart started to feel heavy in her chest.  
  
Laura crashed into Carmilla, causing her to lose her balance and fall back down (luckily their bedroom was carpeted).  
  
“Of course it’s a **yes**!”, the blonde wiped away some tears that had fallen, looking down at her lover with shining eyes.  
  
Carmilla’s eyes went wide, “Yeah? You said yes?”  
  
“ **Yes.** _A thousand times yes!_ ”  
  
Carmilla let go of the box, and used both her hands to get Laura’s lips to meet hers, because she needed to tell her, she needed to show her how happy she was.  
  
And what other way to tell than show?  
  
The brunette rolled them over in a swift movement, with Laura lying underneath her, looking beautiful as ever.  
  
Though she was only wearing a plain bra and sweatpants. Though her hair was sticking out in all the wrong places.  
  
  
“What?”, Laura asked in a whisper.  
  
“You’re gonna be my wife.”

 

* * *

  
  
The engagement party was in January.  
  
They had all their closest friends around for the occasion, as well as their family members.  
  
  
Greg took his daughter to a side and hugged her thoroughly.  
  
  
“I can’t believe you’re engaged. You’re so young.”  
  
“Dad, I’m 23 now. It’s not like we’re getting married tomorrow.”  
  
  
“Do you understand now?”  
  
The blonde looked up at her father, puzzled look on her face, “What do you mean?”  
  
“It’s the Karnstein charm.”, he laughed and nodded over to his wife of seven years.  
  
Laura searched for her fiancée in the crowd, and when she found her, she smiled at her -without Carmilla noticing.  
  
“Oh yeah. I see it now.”

 

* * *

  
  
“I know, I will never be a replacement for your mother Laura… But now that we are becoming in-laws too, I thought… Maybe you’d like to go dress shopping with me?”, Veronica tentatively asked.  
  
Laura looked up from her food, Carmilla observing the interaction between her lover and her mother. They had gone out for dinner. Just the three of them.  
  
The blonde stood up and walked around the table to engage her stepmother in a hug, “You’re family. And I would love for you to go dress shopping with me.”  
  
Carmilla wanted to cry. She was so happy and content.

 

* * *

  
  
“Hey. How was work, Carm?”, Laura greeted her fiancée with a short kiss to her temple.  
  
“Don’t wanna talk about it.”, the brunette laid down the papers that she was reading.  
  
She was a leading instance at a house for orphans. And sometimes her job wore her out. It was her fault really, she wanted to study Philosophy. However there weren’t many jobs that required such a degree, and then one thing led to the other, when she spent working for a organization that helped children in her last year of university and now she was working in an orphanage in Brooklyn.  
  
“That bad?”, the blonde sat down on her lap, running her soothing hands over Carmilla’s shoulders, trying to get her to relax a bit.  
  
“Just boring… I wanna hear about your promotion. Did they talk to you about it?”  
  
“Yeah they did… I am thinking about taking the offer. Better pay, more coverage, more everything. The hours too… But we can manage right?”  
  
Carmilla really had held herself back in regards to that. Laura had to build up a reputation and it needed a lot of hard work, and the brunette knew that, but she also wanted her lover for herself.  
  
  
“Carm?”  
  
“I barely see you anymore.”  
  
Laura bit her lip, frowning, “Do you want me to decline?”  
  
“No… I want you to do what _you_ think is right.”  
  
“Well it’s not like-”, Laura sighed, stopping herself, “What did you want for dinner?”, she stood up, and went on the quest for something edible.  
  
  
“It’s not like **what**?”, the dark haired woman urged her fiancée to tell her what she intended to say.  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
“Laura?”  
  
  
“What are we doing?”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“We are skating around here, Carm. We are always coming back to this point. We are not evolving. This… I feel like we’re stuck.”  
  
“Stuck?”, Carmilla didn’t understand, “Do you feel like you’re stuck with me?”  
  
“Yes!”, the brunette couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but Laura corrected herself quickly, “NO! I meant- I- I have a diamond ring on my ring finger and it’s coming to no use.”  
  
Carmilla looked down at Laura’s hand and to said thing, “But you… You said we should wait…”  
  
“But not more than a year. It’s been more than 15 months now since you asked. You’re turning 24 next week!”  
  
“I-”, Carmilla didn’t know that Laura was thinking about that. They both really hadn’t had a heart-to-heart talk in a long time. That’s how rare those moments of truth were between them.  
  
  
“Do you even wanna marry me anymore?”  
  
And that was the last nail in the proverbial coffin.  
  
“Of course I want to! Laura… I didn’t just ask you and let you wait on it… I’m sorry, I thought you’d say something… I really didn’t mean to… I wanna marry you. _Of course I wanna marry you_.”  
  
Laura seemed to cool down. This only had to come off her chest. She had been thinking about it.  
  
  
“I think we just fought our first real fight after moving in together.”, the blonde uttered after several seconds.  
  
“That wasn’t really a fight…”, Carmilla dared to approach her fiancée, resting her hands on Laura’s hips, “You want me to call my mother and tell her? Tell her to begin with the wedding planning and all? If you want I will let my grandmother make a few calls and she’ll organize you whatever venue you want for next week.”  
  
Laura rolled her eyes, “Don’t be ridiculous. I can wait a little longer. Just… I need to know that we’re doing this. Soon.”  
  
“Soon. I’ll call my mother on Monday and have her look into wedding planners and stuff.”  
  
“You sure?”  
  
“Well yeah, my mother knows the best people.”  
  
“No…”, Laura slung her arms around Carmilla’s neck, “I mean if you are sure that you wanna do this soon.”  
  
“Yes. I do want to. I really was only waiting for you.”  
  
“How come you didn’t grow impatient then?”, Laura bunched up her face in that adorable way.  
  
“Because I may be the more considerate one of us.”  
  
“Sure you are.”, the blonde rolled her eyes.  
  
“Or because _I_ asked _you_ and I needed **you** to make the next move.”  
  
Laura seemed to be more pleased with that answer, “Okay, then consider _this_ the next move. I wanna get married before I turn 25, Carm.”  
  
Carmilla smiled at the woman, “Your wish shall come true.”

 

* * *

  
  
“Laura…?”, one night the brunette called out into the night.  
  
The wedding was fast approaching. They had agreed on August.   A summer wedding.  
  
“Yeah?”, the blonde was evidently very tired, but still turned around to face her lover.  
  
“Do you sometimes wish… Do you wish your mom was here for our day?”  
  
Laura’s eyes opened in an instant. She just then saw how Carmilla was lying blankly on her side of the bed, with her stare directed at the ceiling. The blonde moved closer to her, laying a hand on her stomach.  
  
“When I was younger, I never imagined it to be any different… Of course I still think about how nice it would have been having my mom around for this… Of course I imagine having her here.”  
  
Carmilla turned to face her finally, all the anguish and hurt dissipating, leaving a blank stare in her eyes, “I think about how it would be, if my dad was to walk me down the aisle.”  
  
Laura sat up and let her fiancée curl into her side, “Oh Carm… Do you… Would you want him to come to the wedding?”  
  
The brunette shrugged, “I don’t. I just wish the whole situation would be different. That I would be important enough for him to show up. I waited every birthday for him to call. I waited for him on our graduation day in high school. I waited for him, when I got my college degree and one day I just stopped waiting all along. I grew up and stopped dreaming.”  
  
“You’re worthy of everything, you know that right? So maybe he isn’t worth your time… Look at me…”  
  
Carmilla did as she was told.  
  
“You… _Carmilla Karnstein_ , you are _so, so loved_. Don’t let that weigh you down… And if you wanted him to come to the wedding… I have some friends at the police office, I could-”  
  
The dark haired woman shook her head vigorously, “If he didn’t make the effort, I won’t.”, she linked her arm with Laura’s, drawing patterns on the blonde’s thigh with her index, “You’re more than enough.”  
  
Because that was the reason she wanted to marry her in the first place.  
  
_Laura was more than enough._

 

* * *

  
  
It was a déjà vu. A wedding.  
  
That’s how their love story started.  
  
And apparently that’s not where it ended.  
  
It started all over again. A new chapter in life.  
  
  
  
Carmilla was walked in by her twin brother, this time around she was more nervous than anything. She couldn’t fall on her ass this time. This was her own wedding.  
  
  
  
LaFontaine was smiling at her encouragingly, and when she made it to the front of the church (yes, they had found a church that would marry them), she let out a breath. It was a shaky one. Not that she wasn’t sure or anything -oh hell, she was certain- but because that day would change everything.  
  
  
Going into a new chapter of life always was something big. _A big step._  
  
From there on there were those adult things to accomplish.  
  
You get married, you buy a house, you get pets, and you start a family.  
  
Was she good enough? Would she be able to take care of someone else, of Laura?  
  
  
All of those doubts dissipated, as her eyes caught Laura’s glistening ones. Beside her father walking down the aisle towards her.  
  
When Greg let go of his daughter’s arm and kissed her forehead, the brunette could see the tears running down his face.  “I love you.”, she whispered to him, before he sat down in the front.  
  
  
Laura turned her head and her eyes locked with Carmilla’s.  
  
  
And Carmilla was never so sure of anything else in her life.

 

* * *

  
  
“Can you believe it?”, Laura was lying on the hammock on top of her wife.  
  
“Believe what?”, the brunette asked, hands snaking around the other woman’s body and squeezing lightly.  
  
“That you married your high school crush?”  
  
Carmilla needed a moment, until she realized. That the girl of her dreams was lying right on top of her, while they were on their honeymoon in the Maldives.  
  
“I did marry my high school crush…”, the dark haired woman chuckled and Laura turned around in her embrace, facing Carmilla.  
  
  
“It’s still so surreal. You’re my wife. We’re married. This is our happily ever after. This is the fantasy.”  
  
“And from here on we have the whole world open to us, Laura.”

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first, nor second language, and none of my works are proofread... So...  
> As usual, I am super cool and know how to use tumblr (NOT): [angstfreehuman](http://angstfreehuman.tumblr.com/)


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